With the holidays fast approaching, it's pretty difficult to get anything done. Oftentimes I like to look at "to do" lists from yesteryear and laugh and laugh about how little I've accomplished (and by laugh, I mean cry). A new month, a new "to do" list. What's a girl to do? Easy: Watch writer's strike affected, or in the following case, "infected" television.
The newest installment of "how to lose faith in humanity" comes in the form of a programming gem known as A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila. The premise for this PBS-worthy show goes as follows: Tila is a girl (although I'm almost certain there is documentation that proves otherwise) who is "confused" about whether she'd like to contract hep-c from a male or female. You see, Tila is bisexual and is looking for love. But she doesn't want just ANY any kind of love. A shot at Tila comes with many requisites: the first being a pulse, the second being genitalia and the third being the first two plus vodka. This girl is picky! And who better than the fine folks at MTV, who know a thing or two about emotional maturity and romance (three words: Date My Mom) to find the right Mr. or Mrs. Tequila for this lovable MySpace trollop.
The search begins by pairing ten guys and ten girls in a hot pink, zebra skinned mansion -- Fuckingham Palace, if you will. Throughout each hour-long episode, the contestants vie for "one-on-one time" with Tila by competing in a series of humiliating physical challenges because, apparently, the fact they are on the show in the first place is not humiliating enough. At the end of every episode, our pint-sized bachelorette is forced to eliminate two people from her cesspool of candidates. And this is where the drama begins. Should she pick the goumba from Staten Island with the fake orange tan or the stripper from Long Island that is a different shade of orange? It's tough. They both have so much to offer!
Oh, and in addition to bull testicle-eating contests, these sad souls are required to sleep in a giant, red velvet bed together. Which brings me to my next question: Is the "shot" in A Shot at Love made out of penicillin? Here's hoping... And here's also hoping the WGA gets what it rightly deserves. TV is bleak without writers.
Read more about the strike on the Huffington Post's writers' strike page.
TV isn't bleak at all, Al, if you make a minimal effort to find something worth watching. Check out PLANET EARTH on Discovery if you want to get your mind blown by the most amazing nature videography you've ever seen. Check out NINJA WARRIOR on G4 for the funniest Japanese game show import you've ever seen. Check out IFC and Sundance for movies and shorts from all over the world. And stop your whining - there's more good TV available now than ever before. Just have to seek it out.