On Impulse

I'm an impulsive person. I always have been. Sometimes the things I have done on impulse have turned out to be great ideas. But let's be honest, no one wants to hear about great ideas (as is evident by the fact you are reading this). With that in mind, I decided to make a list of my all true and less than stellar moments.

I had ten dollars left in my checking account and spent .99 cents of it on iTunes for a song by the rapper "Chamillionaire".
Had I actually known or liked any of this person's music, it would have been money well-spent (maybe). I had no idea who this guy was. I just thought I should at least tip him for the hours of laughter I endured after hearing that name.

I wrote the screenplay for Daddy Day Camp starring Cuba Gooding Jr.
I'm very sorry about this one. The things we do for love...and at gunpoint.

I waited two and a half hours for the ASPCA to come meet me on Sixth Avenue after I called in about wounded pigeon.
This sounds like a joke. It's not. I was walking down the street and saw a pigeon with what seemed to be a sprained foot/claw/whatever. It was heartbreaking. Even more heartbreaking was the fact that I missed a therapist appointment because I was too busy trying to convince the ASPCA operator that I was not a crazy person. In retrospect, I realize this is still up for debate. And by the way, they never showed up.

I read The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks.
Did it make me believe in the power of love? Nope. It did, however, make me believe that I should stop picking up shitty books that I find on the subway.

I killed an innocent man.
Not really. He was guilty.

I had no food in my apartment so I went to Rite Aid for dinner.
It should also be noted that my purchase consisted of the following items: Matzo bread, a commemorative can of SPAM (it's the 75 th Anniversary and I liked the packaging), thin mints and a postcard. Needless to say, I starved that evening.

I cut my own bangs.
WITH SHARK TEETH!!!!