Wild Man

I have a new obsession. His name is Bear Grylls and he is the host of Man vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel. And yes, you read correctly, his name is Bear. It's really no surprise that he is a survivalist for a living. With a name like that, his only two career options were to be a survivalist or the fourteenth member of Wu-Tang Clan.

I love the show for various reasons, namely shirtless-ness, but also for the commitment that Bear has towards eating and/or drinking revolting things. I compare it to a dignified version of Fear Factor, only instead of seeing a trollop from Palo Alto swallow cicadas whole for a boob-job, you're watching a distinguished gentleman drinking his own urine...to survive, of course. I will admit that at times the show does seem a bit contrived. Last week Bear was forced to survive for two days in the French Alps carrying only a water bottle and a knife. While on the eleventh hour of his 15-hour snowy ascent, he was forced to eat the first source of protein he could find: Maggots feeding off the rotting carcass of a fox . This was, as always, very compelling to watch. However, I would like to re-iterate that he was in the Alps. I'm no survivalist, Bear, but I am somewhat certain that the chalet located 20-feet behind you might have something a bit more appetizing for you to replenish that body with -- that sweaty, British, goat testicle-eating (episode 4) body I adore so.

Stay tuned for next week's episode where Bear will be covering how to survive getting lost inside a volcano, which as we know, happens all too often. I'm guessing his solution will involve climbing out of said volcano and eating meerkat feces.

Update: Since writing this entry, I received some tragic news. Bear is a fraud! It turns out Mr. Grylls, if that's even his real name, has been known to stay in hotels when "the elements" prove to be too dangerous. Please God, at least tell me was a Holiday Inn!! If it was The Four Seasons, I'm not sure I could take it.