11/01/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

From One Cubs Fan to the Masses

Here are some thoughtful words for those Cub fans lucky enough to snag tickets to playoff games at Wrigley Field this year: Get the hell out of the way!

If the Cubs are in the field, and you're sitting in the first couple of rows in foul territory, please do us all a favor and just get out of the way.

Five years ago - and yes, I'm still bitter - a bunch of counterfeit Cub fans practically threw themselves onto the field reaching for a foul ball that Moises Alou had a good chance of catching. It wasn't just Steve Bartman; all of them should have been thrown out. Real Cub fans understand that taking home a souvenir is nowhere near as important as seeing your team win. And at that moment, a real fan would've known how important it was for Alou to catch that ball.

While it's a bit unfair to blame Bartman for the Cubs' failure to reach the World Series in 2003, that display was indicative of what's wrong with today's so-called sports fans.

I enjoy the ballpark atmosphere as much as the next guy, especially at majestic Wrigley Field, but real fans actually watch the game. They keep their chatter to a minimum, unless it's to cheer on the home team or to heckle the other squad. Real fans don't yak on their cell phones, waste time talking about the great deal they got on their new condo or boring their neighbor about how well their living room furniture matches their drapes. Who cares?

Real fans drink in moderation because they understand that you can't actually enjoy the game if you're piss-in-your-pants drunk. Real fans stay to see the entire game--you know the one that typically lasts nine innings instead of seven. They're not worried about beating traffic--and they never give up on their team. For real fans, the only thing that matters is the game.

It's kind of like the beer commercial where the delivery guy visits a skybox at a baseball game and confiscates all of the beer in disgust when he realizes that none of the fans are watching the game. "Can anybody tell me what inning it is?" he asks the group.

If you're more interested in the world going on around the ball game than the ball game itself, just get the hell out of the way by donating your ticket to a really hungry Cub fan. Trust me, there are plenty of us out here.