12/19/2008 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Will You Marry Me?

Something larger then the quest for marriage is swelling the gay ranks. A sort of massive re-think, as we collectively must understand what marriage means to us.

I was morbidly surfing Facebook and came across my ex-bf, with my ex-bf's fag hag (does that make sense?) in the odd scenario of six degrees of gay separation, this is too close for comfort. I almost felt my ears burning. Then another set of friends, an older gay couple posted their wedding pictures from their Mass ceremony.

During Stonewall we protested for our sexual freedom, our ability to kiss in public and hold hands, "we're loud and proud!" "We're here, we're queer!" Now we protest for our right to commit in a relationship, to grow old together, to be taxed equally, to help our partner in the hospital. To divorce. To finally discover what the contract of marriage means to us.

This also affects dating patterns; we eye each others' in a different way. Are they partner material, not how many rungs they have on their six pack (even though both seem vital). I wonder what the gay biological clock is set to. 50 plus?

Not 40 or 30 like our straight counterparts. I snapped this photo of a husband carrying his baby at the NYC protest. I've also seen them in line at Magnolia bakery in the Village, waiting for cupcakes. They give me hope, yet seem frightfully unique.


This fight is helping gay people, who have never had a role model, also, strangely understand what commitment is. Do we stand by a partner? What is the bond of love? What is our book of love? How we answer these questions will be vital. Since this will be the form of our relationships, how we commit, on our grounds, and actually evolve the institution of marriage, not fracture it. Marriage: once a model to suppress women's rights to succession and property (think Jane Austen), then re-defined to take love into account (a relatively new concept), now building on the civil-rights movement.

What will our marriages look like? How will this change our dating patterns? Please discuss, leave a comment.

Originally posted but modified for HuffPo, follow me on twitter.

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