5 Stealthily Lazy Christmas Gifts to Avoid This Season

It's Christmas time. You're stressed out - we know. So, if you have come here as a little relief from the pressure, well, look elsewhere.

You've procrastinated to the point where you've fallen out of expedited shipping range, and you need to go to an actual brick-and-mortar store for a gift (for all you Millennials, that means an actual, physical store that you walk into and talk to a human that works there - CRAZY).

Having to go to a store for gifts drastically reduces the options that the internet provides. This makes you a prime victim of purchasing the Stealthily Lazy Gift.

This is a gift that doesn't necessarily come off as lazy, but a deeper dive, will show the recipient that you really didn't put much thought into it. Now granted, no one should be bitching about anything that you give them, but for those particularly difficult family members, we're here to help you avoid potential Christmas confrontations, since they will totally be reading this.

Store-Specific Gift Cards

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Everyone knows Visa and American Express gift cards are the ultimate "I don't know sh*t about you, nor do I care. I just don't want to look like a dick in front of people for not getting you anything. Go get your own f*cking present."

We also know that Best Buy and DSW gift cards are equally as lazy. No one is getting an Applebee's gift card and feeling loved because they know you remembered how much they love microwaved, half-price apps.

That spinning gift card rack at CVS looks so damn enticing. Just walk past it. You can do it. Go grab a Ped Egg from the As Seen On TV section. Sure, your sister will be insulted that you think she has crusty feet, but at least she'll think you care enough to do something about it.

Booze

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Listen, no one is going to be angry that you gave them alcohol. In fact, they'll probably crack it open right away if they're spending Christmas with someone who doesn't really care about them - you. However, just like a gift card, this is a present that screams "purchased on the way over."

You'll also, most likely, purchase the brand that they don't drink and say some bullsh*t like, "Oh, I heard this was a good one, so figured you'd want to give it a try."

At the very least, purchase two lowball glasses or a cocktail shaker so your alcoholic uncle feels a little better about himself -- because he'll think that you think he occasionally has company.

Books

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"OMG, my cousin loves Phish. I'm sure he'll die when he sees this Phish biography I got him."

This is one where the stealth kicks in pretty good. You don't even know how lazy you're being because you think you're getting something specific to the person without realizing that your cousin doesn't read books.

While it's nice that you know what your cousin likes, it's also a cop-out because you know that the book will never be read. If anything, you just bought him a year supply of rolling papers.

Work Clothes

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White dress shirt and blue tie. Nailed it. It's Calvin Klein too. Your brother will be thrilled to add this generic ensemble (that the Macy's cashier picked out) to his depressing closet of work attire.

Your poor bro loathes wearing formal clothing to work, hates his job in general, and is dying for some sweatpants, but all you know about him is that he's an accountant. Accountants wear shirts and ties.

This is deceptively lazy because you're thinking that name-brand dress clothes are impressive and, plus, it'll cost a nice chunk of change (even though you used your mom's Macy's card and the friends and family coupon).

You're not necessarily wrong, but it's an easy out because you have no clue what else your brother does or likes, other than counting things.

Side Note: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, get works clothes for any women in your life. Actually, general rule of thumb: don't get them any type of clothes, ever. This has nothing to do with a Stealthily Lazy gift, I'm just trying to save you from murder.

Long-Standing Themes

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Your buddy is a New York Giants fan. Sure, he likes a lot of other things too, but all you can focus on is that he's a Giants fan. So every year - and for every occasion - you swing by literally any store and find some piece of crap that has a Giants logo on it, and then scratch his name off your shopping list.

Thanks to you, he has a Giants checker set that he never plays, eight slightly different Giants coffee mugs and pint glasses, an inflatable chair that sprung a leak after two weeks, and logo grill spatula.

Not once did you spring for a jersey or even a God damn player t-shirt.

Sure it may seem like you get him something sort of new every year, but for the love of god, change it up. There's only so many fake surprise smiles your friend can muster up when he knows what he's about to pull out of the re-used gift bag.

While your friend is a fan, he also DOES OTHER THINGS. He enjoys music, cooking, going places. You know, things that humans do in life. Just go on his Facebook 'likes' and pick something. He will be happy with literally anything else you get him. At this point, you might as well get him the Visa gift card.

Bonus Stealth: Gifts From Your Job

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You work at a public-facing company, something entertainment or sports related. Your friend is a fan of the team, so you always throw him a couple of freebie items you find around the office.

There was a bobblehead giveaway a few games back that your friend couldn't make it to. He really wanted that bobblehead. It's his favorite player. There are plenty still left over from the game, so you can grab one and bring it to the bar when you go to hang out.

HOLD ON! This is perfect - I'll just use this as his Christmas gift!

Dick move, my friend. You both know that you didn't pay a dime, and could've given him the bobblehead months ago. And this isn't one of those assumption things, you both literally know that you got it for free.

You're not even f*cking trying at this point.

So as you're chugging your burned Starbucks coffee (Starbucks is gross; it always tastes burnt, shut up) while power-walking through the mall, looking for something cool-and-not-totally-useless from Brookstone, use this handy guide to keep you from looking like a complete asshole to your judgmental friends and family.