Mackenzie Phillips' Rape: Incest Is NEVER Consensual
Mackenzie Phillips is set to tell Oprah tomorrow that she was raped by her father, John Phillips, and continued to have a sexual relationship with him for many years. She revealed as much in her tell-all book that comes out Wednesday:
"On the eve of my wedding, my father showed up, determined to stop it. I had tons of pills, and Dad had tons of everything too. Eventually I passed out on Dad's bed...My father was not a man with boundaries. He was full of love, and he was sick with drugs. I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father."
She talked to "People" magazine about the incest, which had this to say about her experience:
"In 1980, she was fired from One Day at a Time because of her constant drug use. That same year, she went to rehab - with her father. She even toured with him in a band called the New Mamas and the Papas. Her sexual relationship with him had become consensual."
Nope. Not consensual. Not even close. Whether this is the media's understanding of her lack of outward protest or her own internalization of such heinous events, it's not true. She could not have given consent. She was 19 and drugged out of her mind and her father raped her. The trauma of that event combined with her obviously troubled past made her vulnerable to the saddest emotional and mental conditions: Women who are victims of sexual assault are 26 times more likely to abuse drugs and four times more likely to contemplate suicide. She was in no way capable of saying no to a man who had so much influence over her. I doubt incest victims ever are ever capable of consent with their abuser.
According to the National Center For Victims of Crime, "Studies conclude that 43% of the children who are abused are abused by family members...Over 10 million Americans have been victims of incest," most of which is father-daughter.
Follow Alex Leo on Twitter: www.twitter.com/HuffPostComedy
Alison Rose Levy: Mackenzie Phillips and the Stockholm Syndrome
In the aftermath of Mackenzie Phillip's shocking revelations of long term incest with her father, "Papa" John Phillips of the sixties' singing group, the Mamas and the Papas, some people are wondering why the actress allowed the incest to continue for ten years-- into her twenties.
Mackenzie Phillips details drug use and incest in new memoir | EW.com
Mackenzie Phillips: incest and heroin claim from Mamas and Papas ...
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One night when I was a teenager, after many drinks, my beloved uncle suddenly kissed me. Over the next few years there were many encounters. I was always trying to be around him, avoid him, and please him – at the same time.
He never physically forced himself on me, which made it particularly confusing. Once I even said, 'One day we will - but now isn't the right time...' I couldn't even say NO! I was a teenager and a virgin, but carried so much guilt. It does feel consentual.
While travelling with my father, I got a telegram in Vienna from my Swiss uncle appealing to me to visit when my father did. I had decided to do something else. My father asked why I didn’t want to, scolding me for being so short, after all my mother’s brother had done for me, and I blurted out, ‘because he comes on to me sexually!’
My father’s face went ashen. When I saw the pain in his eyes, his devastation, I scrambled to undo my impetuousness. Nothing was worth this hurt. “It was one time, he was very drunk, a brief peck, never happened again,” I lied. My father wept silently, I continued my reassurances, until finally he said, “I’m not going to tell your mother, but I wish I didn’t know.” We never spoke of it again.
It’s a nothing story compared to millions more.
So I type here – this nothing story nobody knows.
"NEVER" (ha...) This is the problem with essentially credential free writers (I use the term loosely) getting access to widespread audience through "blogs" (the de facto journalists of today). We get this type of unqualified layman knee jerk reactions. Honestly, was it even necessary for Leo to spew this little blurb out to the world? Leo is on par with Meghan McCain.
A website called Pandoras Project outlines the grooming process:
Trust/Favouritism
They will take deliberate steps to establish a relationship of trust, spending time with the child, listening to them, treating them as “special”, or perhaps giving them compliments/presents/favours.
Isolation/Secrecy
The offender will isolate the child from their siblings and from the non-offending parent. The favouritism shown to the victim often promotes alienation from siblings. The offender may use the child as a “confidante”, sharing special secrets. Statements like “Mum wouldn't understand how special we are together”, “ours is a special love that others wouldn't understand” contribute to a climate of secrecy and alienate the child from the non-offending parent.
Desensitisation
A process of desensitisation is used to test the child's resistance and engage them in the abuse. Offenders use “normal” situations and exploit these to abuse. For example they may use touching as a game or introduce sexual touching as “accidental”. They are likely to blur the boundaries of ordinary affection so the child confuses this with the abuse. This often occurs around the child's normal bathing, dressing and bedroom routines. They offender may engage the child in their own bathroom behaviour or use talk about sex and sexual jokes to blur boundaries about it.
Throughout the process of engaging the child in the abuse the offender is evaluating whether the child has been “groomed” sufficiently, i.e. whether they show interest, will not protest, will keep the secret.
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…Or a person might be mentally sound every day of their life until something causes a dramatic shift in their psyche: maybe they lose their job or suffer some grief or trauma that causes them to snap. Maybe they have a bad reaction to some run-of-the-mill medication; maybe they have a tumour in their brain causing personality changes; maybe they have post-partem depression. People in those circumstances were the “us” in “us versus them” before their breakdown, so when does that change? At what point do we say “Oh, this person used to be my uncle until he did that horrible thing” or “My daughter ceased being my daughter the day she lost her mind”.
I’m not condoning the horrible things people do - I cried for Mackenzie many times while reading these articles - but I try and try and try not to damn people for being flawed, because it’s not necessarily something they did knowingly or willingly. It’s often not done with malice, it’s just an almost irresistible compulsion that they can’t even comprehend is “wrong”. I am still repulsed and I’m still angry whenever I read about these awful crimes against vulnerable people, but I think it’s important to remember that we are all siblings of one huge human family, and none of us are monsters.
And when I’m having trouble with that, I just remind myself: It could be me.
Yes, you're right. I like the way you tried to keep a balanced approach as you wrote here. The perpetrators are sick men that need help. We need to figure out where these impulses come from and how to help them as well. They are not necessarily "evil" or "monsters" as you say.
And I know from your post that you would wholeheartedly agree that they are still responsible for their actions and the destruction their actions bring. I think many people believe we have had too much compassion on the accused throughout the decades and not enough compassion on the victim. Once the tables are turned and the education is expanded and people understand that the accuser is not the "problem" we will be much more likely to pursue understanding the root causes of the sick mind/impulse that preys upon an innocent child.
Glad to see you here, happymom.
Absolutely, and thanks for your response. It's not like any of these cases is straightforward, but I despise people who sit in self-satisfied judgement. After all, it is incumbent upon those of us in our "right minds" to see things rationally, which includes the difficult notion that we're not so different from anyone else. By thinking of the victims and perpetrators as human beings with as many rights as they have flaws, we stand a greater chance of protecting future would-be victims.
I saw a documentary once in which paedophiles were seeking chemical or surgical castration *for themselves* in order to protect those around them. I don't think they fully comprehended that their urges were harmful, but they had the humility to accept that they must be unhealthy, since most of society - and the law - told them so. What was shocking was that they actually had difficulty getting permission and funding to go through with the process! They were immensely courageous to volunteer for such treatments, especially since their brains were wired in such a way as to make their urges seem normal to them.
Sadly, those few men seem to be in the minority, and I honestly believe that some predators are beyond help; in those cases, the best we can do is to remove them from society in order to protect the rest of the population.
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As difficult as it is, we should be as compassionate towards John Philips as we are towards the victims in cases like this. Don't get me wrong, it's SO hard to do; but it’s an attitude we should aspire towards, as often as possible.
We shouldn't behave the way the tabloid headlines seem to think we should; that would make us less than human. I shudder every time I see a tacky tabloid cover with a huge picture of a murder or rapist and the word "EVIL!" or "MONSTER!" plastered across the page. They do that because it sells... they do it because people like to read those hatefully-worded articles and feel pious and superior, as though they were somehow immune to bad behaviour. It makes them feel less guilty about their own limitations, which gives them licence to carry on living in judgement of others. Making a clear line between "us" and "them" gives law-abiding citizens entitlement to hate the enemy, and causes them to think "nothing like that could ever happen to me".
We should know better, though. Mental illness is an infinitely varied adversary, and calling someone "evil" doesn't make the rest of us safe from having similar extreme experiences of our own. A person's childhood could be riddled with abuse and trauma, or their biology might conspire against them. These physical or emotional factors can mean that they find acceptable - even desirable – something that the rest of us would find repellent.
"ABC News reports that since Phillips’ public admission on the Oprah Winfrey show this week, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) has seen a 26 percent jump in its hotline calls and an 83 percent increase in traffic on its Web site."
Well it looks like McKenzie's public confession is helping MANY, MANY victims! Hoooorrraaay!! Thank you Oprah. May the dialogue continue! We need to keep the pervs. squirming as education is the key.
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Insisting that there must ALWAYS be an element of abuse involved with incest is
tunneled-vision thinking skewed by one's overwhelming repulsion to the act, an
unwillingness to accept incest as a 'natural act', a belief that no 'normal'
person would do this unless it was forced upon them.
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Do you really believe that a nineteen-year-old man could not manipulate his mother into an incestuous relationship? Certainly that must be possible in some cultural situations.
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I think this sums up very well the mindsets of the 'MUST BE ABUSE' commentaries in this thread.
I can see their genuine repulsion for incest--a feeling that I share. Unfortunately, they let this repulsion
cloud their judgment.
This is not unlike behavior displayed with religious fanaticism. There is NO WAY to reason with their view despite facts or scientific evidence.
What cannot be denied is that John Phillips had sex with his daughter. I mean, Mackenzie said so, and lord knows she's never gone on the talk show circuits before to talk about her personal life. And hey, Chynna backed up her statements, and she certainly doesn't have an axe to grind. Anyway, John Phillips was an awful human being, and that's what matters. So what if he can't defend himself from the grave?
John may actually have raped Mackenzie, but I want proof, not hearsay. That the entirety of these posts automatically assume he did it without ever once considering the source's own believability is stunning. The whole thing looks and smells like a publicity stunt to sell books; attacking without forethought is the kind of thing that does Nancy Grace proud, and that's not a comparison anyone should strive for.
You want proof. You're not going to get it. It's a free country and she can declare anything she wants and write a book about it. No one can stop her and you don't have to listen or buy the book.
MacKenzie Phillips owes nothing to anyone, except herself. This was her decision, her life, and whether we believe her or not (and I do) is not going to affect her. I don't know what possible 'proof' she could offer that wouldn't be subject to ridicule, disbelief, mockery and scorn anyways.
This is obviously a human being who is hurting. She looks and sounds like a woman who is very titired and beaten up. You may not believe her, but at least have some humanity for someone who has led a difficult life, pock-marked with drug arrests, rehab, painful struggles with alcohol and drugs, and obviously a lot of self harm.
While I agree that somebody who is under the influence of drugs can not give consent, there is no reason to believe that a sober adult could not choose to have sex with a family member. Just because something is unusual does not mean that it is necessarily abusive.
yuck.
WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!
There have been cultures where the norm is for siblings to marry. It was not abusive in any way. I totally agree that this situation was extremely messed up, but to assume that ALL incestuous relationships are abusive is arrogant. Our moral rules are not the only way that things can be.
The actions of the parent in parent-child incest always constitute abuse.
Children who have been victimized need to hear that fact--unambiguously, unequivocally, and absolutely.
Really? So a strong-willed adult son couldn't manipulate a mother with low self-esteem? Can you swear to that? Using the word "always" is dangerous, because it limits our ability to see each situation on it's own terms.
This is why Alex Leo's assertion is flawed.
Insisting that there must ALWAYS be an element of abuse involved with incest is
tunneled-vision thinking skewed by one's overwhelming repulsion to the act, an
unwillingness to accept incest as a 'natural act', a belief that no 'normal'
person would do this unless it was forced upon them.
The truth is there are related adults in incestuous relationships all over the world.
Some have publicly talked about their relationships in print, many remain in secret
because it is societal taboo.
I believe the taboo is valid.
I recognize, however, that some people still do it, consensually.
Maybe with psychiatrists and psychologists help in researching the phenomenon,
we might get a better picture of what lies beneath these relationships to determine
and punish the 'abuse' element. Just as we would for any type of abuse.
It can never be consensual when there is a power differential. Physical, emotional and spiritual.
Well said. The problem here is one of abuse, and that should be faced no matter what the relationship between the people. Assuming that all incest is abuse reflects attention from the people who really need help.
I'm reminded of Feminist writers in the '80's telling us that all sex is rape and never consentual because of power politics. I'm not aware that anybody needs Alex Leo's consent or approval to have sex. But I guess one has to draw the line somewhere. I only approve of incest between decendants of Sun Gods like Inca or Eygptian royality.
See Tallulah Morehead's Profile
Your remarks are fatuous. Sex and child-parent incest are morally equivilent.
See Tallulah Morehead's Profile
I meant: Sex and child-parent incest are NOT morally equivilent..
I'm 52 yr old male, father and grandfather, who was regularly sexually assulted by my stepfather for 13 years. I'm never more than 5 seconds away from a meltdown. I'm very confused sexually and have terrible time with relationships. Therapy only make the wounds reopen. I'll die mind fuc&^&^*ked. Peace to you McKenzie.
Wow. so sorry. Peace to you as well.
My heart goes out to you. If you come back to read this, please reconsider a different type of therapy. There are hundreds of different kinds of ways to help the mind heal from this awful violation of the soul...and yes, you are correct, therapy OFTEN reopens wounds.
But with the RIGHT help, those wounds can be closed, and you can learn to mourn for yourself, and move on and have a happy and productive life.
You deserve a better existence than this. I hope you don't give up and continue to try and find the right therapist...it can be like looking for a needle in haystack, but the quest is worth it.
I have empathy for anyone who was abused (from my own personal experience) but I actually think it is doubly hard for men, who are taught to hold their emotions in, not to cry, and that showing vulnerability is somehow not "manly." What BS. It has only been recently, since the Catholic church scandal and the brave men who came forward and 'told' that male sexual abuse was given the attention it deserved.
You might start with the National Center for PTSD. I will say a prayer for you tonight, and hope you find a path out of this hell.
Well, you are part of the media that you criticize, and you missed a chance to put this event in the context of abuse, and instead framed it as incest. I think you are trivializing the issue:
http://www.chicktellectual.com/content/trivializing-rape
See Tallulah Morehead's Profile
It was "framed as incest"? It IS incest! How is a father scerwing his own daughter not incest? That it is also abuse goes without saying.
and getting your kid hooked on drugs is certainly abuse as well, that poor kid never had a chance.
Alex, with all due respect, your post fails to take into account the fact that John Phillips, too, was, to use your own depiction of Mackenzie, "drugged out of [his] mind." Why is it that she could not give her consent to him, but he was fully in control of his own actions? Both were junkies. Blaming John entirely doesn't get to the real root of this problem: addiction really messes people up. I mean, are you honestly going to try to tell us that John Phillips would have engaged in sexual liasons with his daughter if he hadn't been a junkie? I don't believe that any more than I believe Mackenzie would have allowed it had SHE not been an addict.
Glossing over the addictions from which these two were suffering and making John out to be a villain misses the entire point of this story. It plays into the notion that if a man does it, it is wrong, but if a woman does it, it's okay. So let's imagine, for a moment, that the roles were reversed. If John Phillips had been a 19-year-old junkie, and Mackenzie had been his middle-aged mother (and also a junkie), would you be blaming the elder party, or would you simply say that this is why cocaine and heroin are such awful, awful addictions?
Precisely! I fail to see an instance where both of them were not on something. Why is it that the man is always supposed to be the responsible one and women are automatically the victims?
What happened was awful yes but placing the blame completely on the drugged up father is not completely fair.
Are you kidding me? When sex takes place between a parent and child, the parent is always responsible! If a child tried to seduce the parent, the parent is responsible. Do you hold teachers responsble when they have sex with students?? Our parents are the adults, our parents are the most powerful people in our lives. And, it is NEVER consensual on the child's part.
Don't forget the father was worn out from his addictions long before the daughter. She had an opportunity to review her father's weakness and turn away. She knew he was vulnerable when he was wasted on drugs. Some people have kids to protect them, not Uknow them. Mackenzie did not write about the incident because she took advantage of her father and his money when she needed it most after losing her TV gig. The story I read stated they had sex after she lost her job and she was a couple weeks away from getting married. Then a ten year affair continued. If we cannot stand up and speak to truth on this we are lost. The bible becomes a useless document. Rhetoric and argument replace moral values. Woman have to lead on this one. Those women who don't like this Machenzie behavior based on their moral teachings should identify themselves as female. Good women are getting lost in the wise guy arugments.
See Tallulah Morehead's Profile
"If John Phillips had been a 19-year-old junkie, and Mackenzie had been his middle-aged mother (and also a junkie), would you be blaming the elder party?"
YES!
Addiction is a huge problem, but it does not confer a free pass to rape your kids.
Do you really believe that a nineteen-year-old man could not manipulate his mother into an incestuous relationship? Certainly that must be possible in some cultural situations. And isn't it possible, in some cases, that two people who are related fall in love, or just want to have sex? Just because this case was abusive does not mean that all of them must be.
Thank you, Ms. Leo, for this article! Mackenzie Phillips was abused by her father for years before the sexual abuse occurred. He gave her drugs at a young age and did not protect her from the dangers of the entertainment industry. The sexual abuse was another way of manipulating and controlling her. Regardless of her age, even as an adult, she was troubled and in no position to combat a clearly sick and powerfully manipulative man...her own father.
It's time for people to recognize abuse for what it is. When we stop blaming victims and protecting perpetrators, maybe we can stop the behavior.
Exactly!
Thanks for this article, by the ignorant comments we are seeing here of people trashing MacKenzie, it is clear that society id ignorant of these situations and education is needed.
Exactly!
Thanks, it's really demoralizing to see people's reactions here, but I am glad that people like you are posting tj.
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