Is Lying to Your Spouse Ever OK?

What is trust, and how important is it in a marriage? What planet are we on, and do we breathe air? To me these all seem like questions one never needs to ask because the answers are obvious, but maybe I'm naïve. In a perfect world, spouses would never lie to one another, but it happens. Of course, when I think about it happening, it's about taking out the garbage, or what time the kids went to bed while you were out. When we watched this week's anonymous statement on my new show Coffee Shop Confessions, I was shocked at the woman's level of manipulation. How do you lie to your partner about purposely getting pregnant? Take a look at this week's episode and let me know what you think.

Has anyone you know ever lied about birth control? What level of deception, if any, is OK in a relationship? Do you think the marriage will survive when he finds out? I just can't help thinking how it will affect the children; to me there's no way this situation can end well.

 

 

 

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Comments

[DSevere]

02:14 PM on 04/19/2012

It is NEVER okay to lie about contraception. If one of you wants kids and the other doesn't, that's pretty much a deal breaker in a relationship, you need to break up and find someone with a life plan that's compatible to yours. (For instance, neither my husband or I ever wanted kids, and that was one of the things that made us realize we were meant for each other.)

[Alex McCord]

11:21 AM on 04/20/2012

Could not agree with you more! When my husband and I met and married, we were both adamant that we did not want kids, and being clear about that was a relief to both of us. As it turned out, we both changed our minds, and eventually had two after being married for years. However, if we hadn't BOTH been on board with the change, we'd never have done it. I'm still shaking my head over this one.

[Morrisfactor]

11:39 PM on 04/18/2012

In Washington and Oregon states, a husband needs his wife's permission to get a vasectomy - but she does not need his permission to get her tubes tied.

America, is it great or what?

[Grinling Gibbons]

07:44 AM on 04/19/2012

Proof, please.

Why are MRAs never able to provide proof for any of their claims?

(I'm still waiting to hear how impotence causes cancer, Morris.)

[Box500]

11:33 PM on 04/18/2012

This is the women's section, right? When men lie, it's wrong. When women lie, there is always a reason.

[BookQueen]

09:57 PM on 04/18/2012

I think what this video really underlines is the importance of a couple talking to each other honestly about what they want in terms of kids. Then, if your partner doesn't want kids and you do, believe them and find someone else.

[BookQueen]

09:43 PM on 04/18/2012

This is one of those headlines that is just ridiculous. Of course it's not okay to lie to your spouse unless they've gone mad and turned into Kant's ax murderer at the door.

[Alex McCord]

11:22 AM on 04/20/2012

Even though I'm the one who came up with the headline, I kind of love this comment.

[d1anaw]

08:46 PM on 04/18/2012

It is never, ever ok to lie about bringing a child into the world. It is never, ever ok to deliberately get pregnant on purpose by lying to the other person. By the same token it is never, ever ok to lie about deliberately avoiding pregnancy. If you are not on the same pregnancy page with your partner, there is a problem in the marriage and that needs to be addressed one way or another. Women who deliberately get pregnant by deceit make it bad for all women. I cannot think of a single situation where that should be ok.

[Without reason]

07:02 PM on 04/18/2012

Do these pants make me look fat. The answer is, they are not a flattering design, so just take them off and lets get busy.

[cillastem]

05:55 PM on 04/18/2012

Life alternating lies you should never tell. Lies like you are on the pill, you are being faithful, etc.

But sometime you lie so you don't hurt the other person feelings. Like when you tell your husband you don want to have sex because you have a head ache. You can not say yes I love you but your lousy in bed; men don't want to hear the truth about that.

[killkubota]

04:40 PM on 04/18/2012

Its called "pulling the goalie without telling the shooter".

[jrp1947]

03:12 PM on 04/18/2012

The lack of trust led to my divorce and decieving spouses do not realize kids hate liars as well. They tend to tell on the spouse that lies. Household lies as I call them about taking out the garbage, when the kids actually went to bed, etc are nothing new. Deliberate pregnancy without agreement, affairs, attempted affairs, deliberate flirting, addictions of any kind, are all fatal lies that doom a marriage. Some sooner than others but it is coming and the cheater knows it in the back of their mind. Guilt is a nasty weapon. If you catch your spouse in what appears to be a marriage dooming lie face it now and get it out in the open. Can trust be regained? Maybe but never at the level it once was. you question is will that level still be higher than you could ever have with anyone else or do you need to move on. That is the hard decision.

[ussliberty1776]

06:14 PM on 04/18/2012

"Deliberate flirting"? I think *someone* is a control freak.

[Curtis7850]

07:50 PM on 04/18/2012

If you consider it OK to flirt with some one other than your spouse or partner, then you should not be in the relationship. It's called COMMITMENT and TRUST!

[BookQueen]

09:44 PM on 04/18/2012

I think it depends how far the flirting goes and what the partners have agreed is okay.

[NapsWish]

02:03 PM on 04/18/2012

No. Just tell the truth...what's wrong with the truth? Lies and deceit destroy relationships. Silly question IMO.

[dancerctry]

01:15 PM on 04/18/2012

I don't lie to my husband about anything. He has lied to me and it took a while to earn my trust back but he has (mostly). It was the type of lie that is recoverable. My personal opinion is you shouldn't lie to your spouse and I know how much it hurts when the truth comes out (it always does eventually). Tiny lies like "yea I took the garbage out" as they are tying the bag and heading out isn't so bad but a big thing like lying about a pregnancy being an "accident" really isn't. Little lies like "honey, you don't look fot you're perfect" when the wife is PMSing actually is harmless but the pregnancy thing crosses the line into manipulative and isn't right.

[itakeitlikeaman]

12:14 PM on 04/18/2012

If your spouse asks: do these pants make my butt look fat? For God's sake LIE!!!!

[d1anaw]

08:48 PM on 04/18/2012

haha. True, but to be honest, I'd like an honest answer when I ask my husband how something looks on me. I'd prefer he not allow me to embarass myself by wearing something totally inappropriate or that looks bad. Sometimes we cannot see ourselves as other see us.

[BookQueen]

09:45 PM on 04/18/2012

Some guys don't seem to mind the truth so much about things like that.

[victorzeller]

11:45 AM on 04/18/2012

More proof that women don't know what they want, or how to handle what they have.

[Tim Day]

11:41 AM on 04/18/2012

I have had it with lying women...YOU ALL LIE...and do it as to where we don't even question you. Nope I'm not gay, just happy being single again, after a 10 year relationship went south after I fell off our roof and broke my spine...When she was 250 pounds over-weight yes about 400 lbs, I supported her, when shehad emotional problems I would sit up with her...I had never dated a girl that was over weight or extremely pretty before..However I had met her online...she sent me a fake picture and put off seeing me until I finally said either meet me in person or I'm done...Well she wasn't anything close to her picture...but that wasn't who I fell in love with, it was her, her personality, her soul...She said if you want to leave now I understand...That broke my heart, we stayed together 10 years...Everything was fine until I became disabled and she started using facebook 24/7 then got a smart phone ....You guys know the story and I knew the signs, because thats how my marriage ended before I had met her..my ex wife did the same thing....So stop lying to your men..

[bjdjtjbjd]

03:41 PM on 04/18/2012

WOW! Tim, when you went to meet her and she looked NOTING like photo...right there told you NOT to believe anything she will ever say in the future!

NOT all women are liars, Tim. We too get deceived from men. It's just a matter of calling the person on their lies right at the time you catch them...then...RUN and DO NOT LOOK BACK!!!!