Looking For Work with a Knot in Your Stomach

Emotional, irrational, angry, panicked, and that's just the stock market. At least the dollar is up on the yen and there's a cup of steaming hot peppermint tea waiting to be drunk.

It is so hard to know the right thing to do. This week I felt constantly yanked back and forth between the show that has swallowed up our lives, and our real lives -- sometimes with only murky gray areas separating them. Fear has been a big, shadowy monster creeping up behind me and lurking -- I've spent the week with a knot in my stomach similar to watching horror movies as a teenager and waiting with dread for the next bloodthirsty maniac to jump out and get me, except in this nightmare it also wants my husband, children, house, car, clothes, shoes and even the cats. Though said maniac might want to rethink the cats as they have a habit of intentionally missing the litterbox when strangers are around.

Layoffs are everywhere. At school drop-off, more and more adults are no longer dressed for work at 8:30am but in jeans with no makeup. There are infinitely more moms and dads than nannies present and one mom shared her daily thought while getting dressed -- "If I'm not wearing a suit, everyone will think I've lost my job." At least I don't have to worry about that -- thanks to a little thing called reality show notoriety my layoff was not only whispered about by parents at dropoff, but also published in People, US Weekly, Life & Style, on Perez Hilton and even on NPR for god's sake. Who knew it would be such big news, but hey, it certainly took the pressure off having to tell people.

This week I networked and I listened. There are friends and acquaintances within the fashion, PR and entertainment world with whom I've literally been trying to get together for over a year, but never could due to working 40-50 hours a week. It feels great to actually make a date with someone you really want to see, and maybe there's something in the water but I was surprised to hear optimism. One friend is about to start a new job by choice, another just found startup investors for a new product and a third received a huge grant to expand her business. This is inspiring -- even in this tough climate there is growth.

I had some good meetings as well, mostly regarding opportunities spinning from the show. There's the licensing of a clothing line, a cosmetics company looking for a face, a product line looking for an ambassador, and commercial opportunities. I'd be lying to myself if the idea of getting back into acting hadn't crossed my mind. Frankly everything crossed my mind this week. Should I roast myself to the tune of the character from Season 1 by taking commercial roles as a pretentious housewife? Should I be the stunt-casting pretentious wannabe who gets murdered on Law & Order? Should I package our parenting book together, as some have suggested, with a dry, tongue-in-cheek book about social climbing in the big, bad city? The problem is that I don't think I know how to or want to write that unless it's completely fictionalized. I'd love to play Lady Macbeth at Lincoln Center but somehow I think people who know me as a Real Housewife aren't ready for that, nor would it replace my income.

While having these meetings, I continually begrudged the time, thinking that the time I was spending putting together press kits was better spent reading job listings and finding a job, any job. Yet that's the conundrum I'm in right now. If my family and I hadn't signed up to put our lives on television, these opportunities would not exist. If a few of them come together, I'll have replaced my income and be able to spend more time with my children. Certainly that would relieve stress. I hate it that right now I'm working from home on all these proposals but unable to focus because one of the lights of my life, my younger son, is on spring break and thinks that because Mommy is in the house it's play time. Another day or two of this and I'll turn into the Mom who leaves through the top door at 9 am and sneaks back in the basement door into the home office with strict instructions to keep him upstairs. I don't like dividing the house into kid and parent-seeking-work zones -- it feels very weird.

Support from friends and even frenemies is helpful at best, amusing at worst. I had a call from an on-again, off-again pal who after some preamble asked me, "Alex, are you on medication? Sometimes that can help take the edge off. It always works for me." Without knowing it, she jolted me out of my self-absorbed state of pathos -- yes, things are challenging right now but I am not ready to ask my doctor for a prescription. Besides, I'd need to stop laughing first. Laughter in the face of adversity can be a good thing -- just ask the President!

Is there anything positive going on at all? Yes, yes there is. Among other things I've been going through my graphic design portfolio and taking a moment to actually look at the work I've done over the past couple of years. When running around trying to meet deadlines with my hair on fire, it's rare that I'd ever go back and look at a project past the final edit. It's nice to look at my work with a [somewhat] detached eye and recognize that not only is it not heinous, it's actually rather good. Now if I can just fix my antiquated resume...

Comments

[Valerie Jones]

Hi, Alex -
Hopefully helpful thoughts from a Chicagoan turned Texa ... Texaa ... aa ... Texas resident:
Food Network has a show (featuring one of its reality near-winners) called "Will Work for Food," - kind of a cross between "Dirty Jobs" and "Follow that Food." Maybe you and Bravo could develop your own show called "Will Work for Clothes."
Your "old" clothes, though, should go to the auctioneer (eBay, anyone?), part to charity, part to F&J's college fund, and do it now, while the show is at its zenith, and before the renovation destroys them (the clothes ... and the kids).
And you ARE a good writer, and it IS nice to see you on HuffPo. I could not figure how KKB was depicted as a "writer," then I happened upon The Socializer: "I went to a party ... I hired someone to translate for my kids because I can't string together a coherent ... oh, look, a rug!" And then I understood. You're miles better than that. Obviously. So, keep on.:)
Stay cool, stay clothed (Simon, too), stay smiling, and DARLING, FINISH that house!:0

[KristineB]

Dear Alex;
I have decided after watching the New York Housewives that you truly are THE shining star among all of the others.
You and Simon seem so genuinely involved in your lives...yo­ur sons are absolutely adorable and the work you're doing to your new home....th­e lime refrigerator would be fabulous!
I think Ramona and LuAnne are truly sad individual­s...lonely and very unhappy right down to their souls. And as for how they treated Simon when he played tennis with Jill -- proof positive that money can't and certainly doesn't buy class.
I wish you success in your future career endeavors though I am sure you won't need it.
Your refinement, class, and genuine human compassion shows through every time.

[Posterella]

Alex, you obviously have talent as a writer and maybe that is an avenue you should pursue.

I think you and Simon are nice people. You love each other and your children. You are never mean to anyone else on the show and I've never heard any catty comments coming from either of you to anyone. Keep taking the high road.

Regardless of where your career may take you, I wish you and your family the best of luck! Sometimes, the universe changes our course for a reason. Think of it as an exciting opportunity and an adventure. In the Chinese language, the symbol for danger and opportunity are the same.

[JePense]

Actually - the chinese symbol for "crisis" contains the characters for danger and opportunity - 2 separate characters. (They aren't the same.)

[UrbanAddictiondotcom]

Alex, I'm am really enjoying your writing and you always seem like such a good friend on the show. I am really enjoying your talents.

[marydmaryd]

Alex, thank you for opening up your life and the lives of your families for our entertainment. I'm sure the flip side of Reality TV fame is not for the faint at heart! I'm recently laid off from my position after 9 years and can tell you, it's not easy, but if you can keep busy, you'll be okay. Concentrate and focus on YOU. You are clearly gifted and talented plus you have a great attitude. Work it, sell it, connect with your fans - get your face on the cover of everything - you get very few chances in life to start over and rebuild - use your TV work as a way to build the Alex McCord brand. Hang in there...Yo­u are FABULOUS!

[Samalabear]

Thanks for the advice, Alex. Laughing in the face of adversity is good. It is much better than swallowing a dangerous medication to "take the edge off." I did this in '99 on the advice of my dad, who was doing the same thing. He's now dead because of it (2004) and I almost died because of it. My life is far worse now than it would have been had I never swallowed that first pill. My gut told me it was a bad idea, but my dad and my doc (especially my doc) were excellent salespeople.

[JonathonsMom12]

Alex, so happy to see you on the HuffPo. Good luck to you and can't wait to hear what you have to say next. *Personally, I think you should start your own (woman-owned) company! You definitely have to look at the current situation as an opportunity not a misfortune. :)

[QueenCeleste]

Alex, you are a really wonderful writer. I'm sure I am not alone in wanting to read more about your "Housewives" experience, perhaps in a book. You express yourself so beautifully.

Best of luck with the various possibilities you mentioned. And don't worry, those kitties will be safe!

[cloudminder]

your husband lifting your dress in public so other men could see your th on g on TMZ

--that was really rude and disrespectful of him to do that to you

maybe one day you will see how it looks others

I guess you are still figuring it out

I hope things work out for you

you seem better than a lot of this..

[hotseat]

Simon did that and I thought she handled gracefully. She can't be responsible for her husband's crazy antics. That said, I too wish the best for Alex.

[hotseat]

Alex, this is a real opportunity for you. Take time to rest, relax and your family. You're going to come out a winner, no matter what.

[greymom]

Dear Alex,

As my favorite NY Housewife, I have admired your grace and dignity when the rest of them are falling about like crazy people. My lifestyle and yours are in no way alike but I can empathize with your dilemma.

My advice to you is to take the week off and spend some quality time with your kids because they will never be this little again. Then weigh the offers and take the one that will offer the most creative satisfaction with the smallest amount of stress. I did this 4 years ago and I have been so happy. I left a job with a large corporation to take a job selling sewing machines and teaching classes in a small town. It has been very lucrative and the freedom to take the time off to see my grandkids is priceless. I love the interaction with my customers and I feel like I am making a difference in their lives.

My vote goes for the tongue in cheek book about going up the social ladder in New York. It would appeal to a larger audience and you could also give advice to people who are in other cities and are trying to get noticed, even if they come from small towns.

Good luck to you and don't forget the idea I had last week about the line of stationery and greeting cards.

[CSDofNM]

Thank you Alex for sharing your experiences.

I've been out of a job since October. We had a big wave of layoffs then, and more every month thereafter. At least I had an interview this week. So many talented people are out there that the competition is very fierce.

What I really liked about your piece was the reminder that even if times are tough, opportunity has not completely gone away. In fact Hindus would say that Shiva the Destroyer must come so that Shiva the Creator may manifest. Chinese phrase it as one symbol, one word that means both danger and opportunity. There is a fundamental duality here, in that as difficult as things are, and sometimes personally degrading, that it really may be to make room for better things to be built.

Thanks for the note of hope.

[wietog]

Hey Alex,
It's hard to be sympathetic. Maybe you can't go on vacation this year. Some of us NEVER go. At all. Think about that.

Oh, and some of us have less than nothing. This downturn is a bump in the road for the rich, but a kick in the teeth for the rest.

Then again, you're right about there being a silver lining - there's always hope...

[merger]

Alex, I love your honesty. I have absolute faith that things will turn around for all of us. "Be still my soul, the Lord is on your side."

[smarttart001]

Great Read!

Alex, you are a dynamic woman with loads of down to earth qualities. (Very Excellent combo.) You are going to come out on top!! Simon is too fabulous btw and my hubby loves me like Simon loves you. We are very lucky women.

I've been a fan of your show, but I have to say that finding you here today at my fave Huff Po, was a Treat. Nice to see you here.

Keep up the Huff Blogging! You do it so well!