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Alex McCord

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Drunken Parenting...Yes or No?

Posted: 06/11/2012 3:57 pm

This week on Coffee Shop Confessions, a mom helps herself to the wine, beer and liquor she confiscated from her teenager after catching him throwing an unsanctioned cocktail party at home.

Was she wrong? Personally, I think that being a parent has its ups and downs, and you need to do whatever it takes to keep yourself sane. If that includes cocktails (one or two, not ten), then go for it. Goodness knows I've been in situations in my life where having a drink makes it all a little more bearable.

She definitely needed to determine whether her son had provided all the booze himself -- and if he did, his allowance is clearly too high. If his friends had stolen it from their parents, restitution is in order. But if he did buy it all himself, I see no reason to blame this CafeMom reader for confiscation and consumption. Let the kid know that you are disposing of it all, one bottle at a time, though I wouldn't recommend doing it in front of him.

Hope you all have enjoyed the first season of Coffee Shop! We'll be back later in the year, and until then, let me know in the comments what other marriage/family/kid topics you'd like me to cover in my blogs during the break.

 
 
 

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This week on Coffee Shop Confessions, a mom helps herself to the wine, beer and liquor she confiscated from her teenager after catching him throwing an unsanctioned cocktail party at home. Was she ...
This week on Coffee Shop Confessions, a mom helps herself to the wine, beer and liquor she confiscated from her teenager after catching him throwing an unsanctioned cocktail party at home. Was she ...
 
 
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09:09 PM on 06/17/2012
At least they got their own booze instead of stealing the parent's booze.:)
foresure
Brash and Harsh
08:23 PM on 06/17/2012
They basic principle of femenist thought shall not be violated.

Since Women = Victim, there should be no rules applied to hear, as reparation for her victimhood.
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Beka13
Veni vidi vici
06:11 PM on 06/17/2012
the apple doesn't fall from the tree....every drunk parent i have ever known has paid the price with damaged children and tragic consequences.
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jsgaetano
Legum servi sumus ut liberi esse possimus
04:52 PM on 06/17/2012
I remember a quote from someone from a few years ago, I forget the source. They say "having to be sane for your kids all the time can drive you insane".
08:44 PM on 06/17/2012
Having to be perfect for them is also, very difficult.
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PartyofLogic
Proudly progressive
12:01 PM on 06/17/2012
this reminds me of when my mom confiscated my sister's cocaine and then gave it to her friend who she bought it with. my mother was not exactly confrontational but even I as a 16 yo knew that was wrong! I have to say that I would never consume alcohol that was illicitly purchased by my underage child. It would go straight down the drain. The fact is, I am old enough to buy my own wine.
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thesciguy
War is murder writ large.
07:49 AM on 06/17/2012
Especially if it's right after a fight, or the loss of a loved one, or receiving bad news, or a tough day at work, or when feeling stressed out, or if it's after 12 noon, or a Friday, or Saturday, or Sunday before a Monday holiday, or.....
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Tizzie Cregan
07:19 AM on 06/17/2012
Let's see, I am an adult, my child is, as child. I am legally allowed to have a drink, my child is not. I am old enough and been around the block enough to know my limits, handle them or be drunk and understand the consequences and such. My child is not. When my child is 21 she can find out what I have learned (and a little earlier because, well, she is a child and I have no doubt it's gonna happen at some point, but I sure as hell am not going to help it happen) there is no hipocricy in parenting LMAO There is I am the adult, you are the child, do as I say not as I do because as an adult I do different, and as an adult I have the right to, YOU DO NOT! Get over it, you will get your turn as well :) (yes my mom said that to me and OMG I survived and get this, I love her more for caring enough to try to keep me in check when I was a CHILD)
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USA FIRST1
04:03 AM on 06/17/2012
A ,ore appropriate title would have been "Confessions of a Drug Addict".
07:38 AM on 06/13/2012
As a parent / guardian, there is no good reason for using a mind-altering drug to "help" you get through a trying day with your children. Why stop at alcohol? What's to excuse the use of Valium, Vicodin, or even pot? The "need" to use a drug to even out your day is the very excuse a teenager may provide his parents: "But, Mom - I had finals all week and I am just SO stressed out!" Come on, Alex!
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Alex McCord
Mom, Author, Home Designer and TV Personality
10:22 AM on 06/13/2012
Good point -- it's a slippery slope.
12:30 PM on 06/13/2012
Having a bad day doesn't excuse breaking the law and potentially putting your parents in the position of having to deal with the police and courts on your behalf.

The comparison isn't really valid. I agree that not getting drunk is a good practice, but my kids aren't allowed to drink or drive, because they are underage. When they are legally old enough to do these things, I hope they'll be responsible and I'll have some control about driving until they are 18, but after that, it is up to them...excuses or not.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
DCMike
one of my closest friends is str8.
04:07 AM on 06/13/2012
This cocktail scenario, compliments of Junior's antics, is much prettier in the decor of the upper class.

When you think about a waitress coming home to the family and sloshing down a couple of her son's Buds every night, you might be tempted to question her fitness as a parent.
06:15 AM on 06/13/2012
Yes, because if you have money you're above proving your worth all the time, unlike poorer people like "waitresses." If the parent confiscated the alcohol and the kid is being punished, there is no difference. If the parent's not an alcoholic it seems fine to drink it!
08:18 AM on 06/13/2012
Oh yes, the only way to enjoy a beer is to "slosh" it down. The sanctimonious people on here remind why I include wine at dinner for my teenager and generally comport myself the way i did when i lived in Spain. Alcohol is nothing to be afraid of unless you demonize it to the point where teenagers think it is the forbidden holy grail. Underage drinking/ At 20/ What a crock of hooey.
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Freedom Mama
Proud to be an American
07:25 PM on 06/17/2012
And research shows that kids who start drinking early (teen years) are much more likely to become addicted to alcohol, become problem drinkers. Alcohol is nothing to be afraid of, but using it is nothing to be proud of either.
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BabsBP
My micro-bio is empty, and I like it that way.
10:42 PM on 06/17/2012
F&F -- There is a difference between a parent enjoying a beer with dinner or some wine, and teaching a child that this normal adult behavior within limits. Getting drunk and acting like an idiot in front of your child is a different story.

Many Americans have the weirdest relationship with alcohol. They are either bombed when they drink or abstinent. If kids learn to have respect for alcohol and to learn about healthy limits from the beginning, then they learn how to behave properly.
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LFox6
Always remember you are unique, like everyone else
02:34 AM on 06/13/2012
Having said that, I would never, ever confiscate alcohol from an underage kid and then drink it, uh uh
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LFox6
Always remember you are unique, like everyone else
02:32 AM on 06/13/2012
I was taking no chances on my oldest daughter's graduation party. No booze and even so, I took everyone's keys - no one was leaving without a mom inspection! She was horrified, but I insisted - either those are the rules or no party. So, party of course lol.

Noticed groups of kids going through the hedge, then other groups one at a time heading in the same area. HMMM....went through myself and found a beer and hard liquor neatly stashed over there, neighbors were away on vacation and so that's where they stashed it. Made her watch me drain it all right into the ground. She was furious with me and didn't speak to me for almost a week.

2 weeks later, another graduation party, the parents were not quite as much of a 'buzz kill' as I was. 2 kids left the party and got into a head on collision (one was my daughter's very good friend), both died. She came home and collapsed in my arms and thanked me over and over for not letting anyone drink at her party.

Not that I'm 'all that' but sometimes it's better to not be your child's 'friend' and to be your child's parent - which they need more than ever when they reach an age where they can get their hands on alcohol.
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Alex McCord
Mom, Author, Home Designer and TV Personality
10:24 AM on 06/13/2012
Wow. How sad to have your point proven so clearly, but she certainly got it.
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LFox6
Always remember you are unique, like everyone else
08:53 PM on 06/14/2012
Thanks, Alex, yes, it was a really hard lesson to learn :(
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Tizzie Cregan
07:25 AM on 06/17/2012
Ya I could hear a bunch of kids drinking at a parent attended party and the ages where either 15-17 or possibly the kids from the local eighth grade graduation held a few hours earlier. Either way, I know my kid won't be hanging with their youngest in HS or after 8th grade graduation :)
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LFox6
Always remember you are unique, like everyone else
09:26 AM on 06/18/2012
Smart move, Tizzie, good for you!!! hang tough, they are so worth it!
10:50 PM on 06/12/2012
This article makes me glad to be a gay man. Being a parent to humans is not my world. It's such a hard job and I want no part of it. Knowing that I can have as much man to man sex as I want and no baby appears. AWESOME! Yes, I know that gays are adopting and such! Kudos,if that works for them great and best of luck raising children. When I accepted that I was Gay in the fourth grade, even then I knew that I would have a child free life and I love it. Oh , the question of the article , was the mother wrong to drink the wine that she took from her not of legal drinking age child? I say no!
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Alex McCord
Mom, Author, Home Designer and TV Personality
10:26 AM on 06/13/2012
I'd say at least half of my gay friends have kids. And still have lots of sex. BUT, I have other gay friends and lots of straight friends who plan on never having any -- regardless of sexual orientation no one should ever feel forced to have kids.
09:13 PM on 06/17/2012
One of the cool things about having kids, aside from the huge expense, is that they challenge you to rethink everything you know, and to decide where you stand on all types of issues, you never had to think about before. I think it helps you to grow and learn as a person. If you decide not to have kids, that's fine. But you do miss out on enhancing your world.
01:24 PM on 06/18/2012
Okay,I will admit that sure kids can enhance ones world. I never thought of how kids challenge you to rethink everything that you know. As a now 46 year old and still single gay man,. That was a challenge to rethink all that my mother knew about love and relationships. Since I love and have sexual relationships with men. I accept the points that you made in your reply to my post. However, kids are really not for me. You sound like an awesome and fair parent your kids are very lucky, Again for me I'll stay with the kids who have four legs. BTW, I give my dogs human names. Taylor, (now gone after 16 years) Maya and Madison still going strong..
10:11 PM on 06/12/2012
Wow. Are you kidding? Your insight has all the punch of a Miller 64. This is a serious topic ... Or at least one that every parent (don't kid yourselves..Every. Parent) will wrestle with. How do you teach your kids to be responsible without being a total hypocrite? Start by remembering that you are the parent. Don't drink booze your underage kid brought home! No matter where he got it from!! Pour it out. Make him pour it out. You can afford to buy your own.
06:14 PM on 06/12/2012
IMHO, I think that the parents should be good role-models and make the kid, in front of all his/her friends, take ALL that ill-gotten booze and pour it out onto the ground outside in the backyard, without consuming any of it. That offers a little bit of humiliation in front of his/her friends, and sends a strong message to his/her friends that that's the same fate that awaits them if they are caught drinking by their parents. I believe that parents should be GOOD role-models to their kids, take the "higher path", and NOT drink that ill-gotten booze. It sends the wrong message to the kids...or actually, sends a conflicting message to the kids. I believe the former idea above is the better answer.