How Do You Want To Be Remembered?

It's that time of year again! You know, when we not only should be in the "holiday spirit" but also should be preparing for the New Year. There is no question that 2008 has been filled with many challenges and, for many of us, it will be a year that won't be missed. On the other hand, this year has also been one filled with promises of brighter things to come. Are you ready for the New Year, both in terms of what you plan to bring to it and what it has to offer you? In the spirit of the season and with a focus on the future, I would like to challenge you to get ready for the New Year by doing something that you may have never done before. Here goes.

Imagine that you have died and put yourself in the position of having to write your own obituary for the local newspaper. What would you say? In other words, how do you want to be remembered? What are the most important things that you experienced in your life? Alternatively, write your own eulogy, which will be recited at your funeral. Did you live and work in such a way that the last comments about you are really what you want to have said?

Ask yourself: Are you now living and working with meaning? Assuming that someone else does write your obituary (or eulogy), what would be different about it from what you have written in the above exercise? Remember Ebenezer Scrooge's experience in the classic tale, "A Christmas Carol?" What would your encounter with the Ghost of Christmas Future (Yet to Come), in which you get a glimpse of your destiny, be like? How would people remember you, talk about you? Regardless of your religious or faith-based orientation, there is an important life lesson here! As you get ready and plan for the New Year (yes, it's just around the corner!), please reflect upon the things that really matter--the things that, ultimately, will comprise your life's "legacy" outlining how you will be remembered.

It is important to recognize that writing one's obituary or eulogy is not intended to be a game. On the contrary, this kind of "soul searching" or self-reflection is especially important during the holiday season and as we prepare for the "New Year!" One of the meaning-centered principles described in my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts, is called "Detect the Meaning of Life's Moments," which I have already introduced in a previous post. This principle states that only you (generically-speaking) can answer for your own life by detecting the meaning at any given moment and assuming responsibility for weaving your unique tapestry of existence. On a practical level, I include more information about writing an obituary and eulogy in my book and even include a template for writing a eulogy (all you have to do is fill in the blanks!).

Unfortunately, more often than not, people tend to live their lives on "auto-pilot" or "cruise control" and don't pay attention to the things that really (should) matter to them until they hit a bump in the road or worse, crash. Even though at first it may appear rather morbid, this kind of exercise helps us "wake up" to and become mindful of life before it is "too late"--that is, before we are laid to rest and someone does have to write an actual obituary or say a real eulogy for us! So, please, don't fall asleep at the wheel (metaphorically-speaking) as you drive down life's highway!

Speaking of driving, I found the following saying on a bumper sticker not too long ago: "Be the kind of person that your dog thinks you are!" Even if you are not a dog lover or owner, I hope that the underlying message of this bumper sticker is clear and meaningful, especially as it relates to the subject of this post. Again, it is vitally important to underscore that we can actually enrich our lives by reflecting upon our death. As strange as this may seem (actually, this philosophical principle has deep spiritual roots in antiquity; Socrates, for instance, believed that we should "always be occupied in the practice of dying" in order to appreciate our living), I ask that you take this advice seriously before it does become "too late."

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You can find out more about Dr. Alex Pattakos, author of the international bestselling book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts, in his HuffPost Bio and at http://www.prisonersofourthoughts.com. Contact Alex at: [e-mail].

Follow Alex Pattakos on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DrMeaning

Comments

[DeeLight]

My thoughts are actually more like an epitaph than an obit or eulogy. Here it is in all its glory:

She did the best she could.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you so much for sharing your epitaph "in all its glory!" Your message is very powerful and meaningful.

[dryrock]

Although I am agnostic, I keep a small Prayer of St. Francis on my desk (raised catholic). If people ask, I say it is not what I am, not what I've accomplished, but what I attempt to emulate, too often imperfectly. I've already written my obit. That prayer, a verse from the Tao te Ching, and one from the Gospel of Thomas are included. (Yes, Thomas)

My discovery: It is not my hope to be remembered by accomplishments, but rather by relationships, because it is relationship (not "a relationship") that defines my life.

[dryrock]

oops: I've already written my (not obit) eulogy.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Very nice! Your "discovery" is a valuable and meaningful lesson for all of us. Thank you so much for sharing such wonderful comments. Happy New Year!

[mamacat]

I would like to be remembered as someone who tried to make a difference. As someone who did more good than harm. If we are missed when we are gone, then we probably did something right.

At the heart of the question are the human values that are important to us. The context for judging our lives is in most cases the affect we have had on our families and friends. It has probably been that way for as long as humans have had the ability to think about the universe we live in, and the lives we live.

A few among us, visionaries and sociopaths alike, will contemplate about the affect they have on a larger group than their immediate surroundings. People such as Mahatma Ghandi, Martin Luther King, and Mother Theresa, or Adolf Hitler and Stalin, no doubt thought on a daily basis about more than how they interacted with their genealogical families.

In this case, the question is also the answer. How we want to be remembered, is the answer to how we should live our lives.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you, mamacat, for your comment (should I dare say that it is "purr-fect"?!). Seriously, I greatly appreciate your insights. "The question is also the answer." What an excellent point! Thanks again for sharing these words of wisdom.

[Sternwood]

You know, being a young man, with limited prospects and a dark perspective on life, the last thing I want to be doing is contemplating death. The only sure thing I can say about either my euligy and obituary is that they will both include the very timely question "what did he spend all that time in the doing?"

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.­" I highly recommend that you read my previous post, "Living with Meaning: Exercise the Freedom to Choose Your Attitude": http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alex-pattakos/living-with-meaning-exerc_b_120950.html

You also would benefit greatly from reading my book, "Prisoners of Our Thoughts." I remember being a "young man, with limited prospects and a dark perspective on life" too, so I don't take your comment lightly. Believe me, as a Vietnam veteran, I had many reasons when I was younger to justify my dismal view of life and the prospects for humanity. Based on many years of personal experience (I've been to hell and back more than once), let me recommend that you change your very timely question to (or at least add a second question): "what did he spend all that time in the BEING?"

[walleymr]

As a phenomenal kisser.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

See, you are "looking back to the future" after all!

[rbryanh]

Thanks for an interesting, pleasantly odd article.

To take your question at face value... I'd like to be remembered, for a time, by whichever people feel they benefit from remembering me. Then I'd like to be forgotten, utterly, and leave no trace. Imagining my obituary or eulogy strikes me as a bit vain and more than a little presumptuous. After all, what other people think of me is really none of my business.

Having been diagnosed terminally ill in 1987, I've had over 20 years of "Late Night Thoughts Listening to Mahler's Ninth Symphony." If my life has been a gift to anyone or anything other than myself, I'd like for it to be an anonymous gift - one that doesn't burden the recipient with the identity of the giver.

I used to ride a motorcycle when I lived in San Francisco. Californians tend to like bikes, and the driver ahead of me would often pay my toll crossing the Golden Gate Bridge. That's all I would like to leave behind me... a sense that the universe is sometimes whimsical, beneficent, and kind. I'd like to be a small, free gift to someone coming after me, one that no one need thank me for.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

I'm sorry if you viewed the obituary/eulogy exercise to be "a bit vain and more than a little presumptuo­us." That is not it's intent. On the contrary, the purpose of looking back to the future is to help people who are not mindful of how they are living (and working), especially in regard to how their lives may influence others in positive and not-so-positive ways. I've used this exercise with literally thousands of people and it has shown that it is effective on many different levels. I've always believed that it is more important to be "aware" than it is to be "smart," and imagining one's obituary or eulogy is but one way to increase "self-awar­eness." Moreover, doing this exercise IS for personal use and development. You can still seek to have your life be an "anonymous gift" to others, which is certainly a noble and humble way of being. This said, I have witnessed (and worked with) many "pseudo-en­lightened" people who whose "gift," albeit anonymous, proved to be more of a burden (to use your own word) than a benefit. Unfortunately, their vanity (to reference another of your words) ended up getting in the way of their best intentions because they were unaware of how their lives influenced people until it was "too late."

All things considered, you sound like quite an inspiration (you have already become one for me!). Thank you, Merry Christmas, and God bless!

[walleymr]

"looking back to the future"?

[HoraceOvidson]

I want to be remembered as the guy who walked around with a piece of string tied around my finger.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Horace,
Spoken like a true biker! If that is what it takes, I'm glad to know that I was able to "string" you along! Happy New Year!

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

It's an important exercise despite all the repetition: Scrooge.

And I think you acted very wisely by pointing out it can appear rather morbid. It's probably the piece of literature which exhibits with the highest clarity and most irrefutably that life IS dangerous, already because you only have a limited amount of time to learn how to die.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Well said! You obviously are no "Scrooge." But I must ask: are you Greek?! Kali Chronia (Happy New Year!)

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

Kali Chronia.

I merely borrowed Diogenes and Alaska for strategic purposes. I'm german.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Wonderful Alex, Your heart and caring self makes me feel good. What you are saying is compassionate.

It gives us all a chance to look at ourselves.

I am happy to be your soul brother,

Ed

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

I'm happy to be your soul brother too, Ed. And thank you for the kind comment. Taking the time to look at ourselves is not always easy. And let's hear it for more compassion in the world!

[curiousasheck]

It doesn't matter

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

I bet that it does to the people who really care about you. And aren't you at least a little bit "curious," o'curiousasheck?! By the way, you will receive three visitors when the clock strikes midnight!

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

that's a strange statement for a person who is 'curious-as-heck'

Cheers,

Ed

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you, Alex, for your encouragement.

Right now, my life is rich with meaning because I have a keen appetite and sense of purpose to create a new life for myself - year end or not. I have experienced a lesser quality of meaning and purpose for myself in times of exceptional affluence. So what will be new for me this time is that my future vision embraces a deeper meaning and purpose than I have up until now enjoyed.

I have done the exercise of writing an obituary in the past, but not a eulogy. What a great idea. My sense is that writing the eulogy is an opportunity to let my heart speak its voice, freely and without condition. How fun is that! The rich fullness of this present moment, and the next and the next....

Happy New You to you!
Anne

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, Anne, my newly found friend, colleague, and kindred spirit! Rest assured, your heart speaks its voice loudly and clearly, as well as freely and without condition! You are an inspiration and someone who I will always "remember" in the most fond and meaningful ways! Happy New Year!

[Arithrianos]

I really don't care how i will be remembered since anyone who is not enlightened cannot see me anyway, has never experinced me free from the stains of their own karma, and so a eulogy to me only reinforces the false idea that the accumulation of "stuff" that the ego calls its accompishments, personality, ideas or whatever is actually "me". I am that out of which all form arises, sustains, and disolves, i am not any of the weather that passes through. But i am generous, so i will as Jesus said "let the dead bury their dead" and i will not "seek the living amongst the dead" by worrying at all how i will be remembered. Who i am if anything is already reflected in the lives of those who i am in karmic contact with and need not be discussed.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

From my "unenlightened" point of view, it's really too bad--and terribly sad--that you really don't care how you will be remembered. Perhaps a little humility will help you to see through the stains of your own karma. May you live and rest in peace.