Living With Meaning: Exercise The Freedom To Choose Your Attitude

Welcome to the Living with Meaning conversation, a place where we can have an open and focused dialogue on what has become a "megatrend" of the 21st century--the search for meaning. I'm so glad to "see" you, and I especially look forward to exploring together ways to discover the deeper meaning in our life and work.

Let me start by having you think about a couple of questions:

• First, why do some people seem to have an easier time dealing with complex and challenging situations than others?

• Second, why do some people seem more capable of dealing with stress and change than others?

To be sure, we have all had the opportunity to witness these differences among people (including family members, friends, colleagues, and co-workers), as well as have seen the inspiring power of the human spirit "at work" in even the worst of life situations.

In light of the uncertainty and complexity in the world today, and the stresses that seem naturally to come with them, it is timely that we begin this conversation on Living with Meaning by exploring the first of seven core principles that I introduce in my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts: "Exercise the Freedom to Choose Your Attitude." As background, Prisoners of Our Thoughts is based upon the wisdom of my mentor, the world-renowned psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, author of the classic bestseller, Man's Search for Meaning, named one of the ten most influential books of the 20th century by the Library of Congress. Frankl's personal story of finding a reason to live in the most horrendous of circumstances--Nazi concentration camps--has inspired millions. Moreover, Dr. Frankl, who personally urged me to write Prisoners of Our Thoughts, truly practiced what he preached by living and working with meaning all of his life.

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Viktor Frankl is perhaps best known for practicing and espousing "freedom of will," especially in terms of one's choice of attitude, as a point of departure on the path to meaning. In Dr. Frankl's own words, "Everything can be taken from a man but--the last of the human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's way." In other words, in all situations, no matter how desperate they may appear or actually be, you always have the ultimate freedom to choose your attitude.

In his Foreword to Prisoners of Our Thoughts, Stephen Covey (bestselling author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) introduces the following three lines that he came across in a university library while on a writing sabbatical in Hawaii:

Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response.
In our response likes our growth and our happiness.

Although Dr. Covey, unfortunately, was unable to retrieve the name of the author of these insightful and profound lines, it is clear that they reaffirm this basic principle ("Exercise the Freedom to Choose Your Attitude") and Viktor Frankl's essential teachings.

Of course, for many, if not most, people, exercising the freedom to choose their attitude is easier said than done! We must not be "prisoners of our thoughts" if we truly want to see this Principle in action and benefit from its practical application. In this regard, I recall a conversation that I had with one reader of my book, who happened to be a medical doctor, in which he said the following: "Alex, I really like your book. I only have one question. I don't really understand the first principle: Exercise the freedom to choose your attitude. Why would I want to do that if I already have an attitude?" Fortunately, after some discussion, the meaning behind the Principle was revealed to him and he has been able to use it effectively in his medical practice (e.g., as a way to improve doctor-patient communications) and in his personal life ever since.

Just in case some of you are also wondering if you can exercise the freedom to choose your attitude, here is a quick exercise that, I promise, can and will help you to do so.

Whenever you confront a situation that is especially stressful, negative, or challenging for you, I want you to take a deep breath and list "ten positive things" that are or could be associated with (or could/did result from) this situation. That's right, I said ten "positive" things! Stretch your imagination and suspend judgment, listing whatever comes to mind, no matter how silly, far out, or unrealistic your thoughts may appear to be. Feel completely free to determine or define what "positive" means to you and recruit family members, friends, colleagues, etc., to help you with your list, if necessary.

After you've completed your list, look at it closely, and let the positive become possible in your frame of reference regarding the situation. Sometimes this is very hard to do. It requires a letting go of old ways of thinking, pain, remorse, disappointment, frustration, perhaps even grief and anguish.

Experience has shown that this simple exercise opens you up to deep optimism no matter how challenging your circumstances. In all cases, people come to acknowledge that they are free to choose their attitude and view their circumstance(s) from many different perspectives. And, no matter how desperate the situation or condition confronted, everyone ultimately acknowledges that something positive could result from it. Importantly, through this exercise, people learn an effective way to release themselves, at least partly, from their self-imposed thought prisons.

Remember, although we may not be totally free from the various conditions or situations that confront us--in our personal and work lives--the important thing is that we can choose how we respond, at the very least through our choice of attitude.

And even if you don't see the cognitive or emotional benefits of maintaining a positive attitude toward a situation you are facing, please consider the physiological benefits. One of the real powers of positive thinking is that it is good for your health!

Now I'd like know what you've experienced...and observed...in your personal life and/or work life that relates to this meaning-centered principle. Recall a situation in which you consciously exercised the freedom to choose your attitude about it. This could even be your current situation, or it could be one where you were confronted by a family member or friend, or a co-worker or difficult boss, or experienced an unexpected change in your personal life or work, in the past. What was your initial attitude toward the situation? How did it change over time? Did you actually "do" anything to change your attitude? If you have a difficult time focusing on yourself at first, think about your observations and inspirations of others that might help us all apply this principle in our own personal and work lives.

Talk with me! I look forward to learning from your thoughts, questions, and experiences. Let's use this forum to learn from and support each other so that we may all live with meaning! And, of course, stay tuned in the weeks ahead for more principles for discovering meaning in your life and work!

NOTE: More information about the "Ten Positive Things" Exercise, including illustrations of how it has been and can be used, as well as about the core principle upon which it is based, is available in my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts.

You can find out more about Dr. Alex Pattakos in his HuffPost Bio and at http://www.prisonersofourthoughts.com. Contact Alex at: [e-mail].

Comments

[StuZimmerman]

Alex,

It's amazing that we can put our mind to get people on the moon or to communicate instantaneously around the world through the internet or telephone, yet our collective growth emotionally or spiritually is nowhere close to this mental level of advancement.

It's testimony to the power of our intelligence: whateve we focus on and pay atention to grows.

I look forward to the day, hopefully in the very near future, when people focus mostly on their attitudes and beliefs, specifically that it is such a blessing to be alive and that we are one humanity. Imagine the implications! Like violence and war becoming obsolete. Like diversity being clebrated, not merely tolerated or feared.

Sounds idealistic. Kinda like landing a man on the moon!

Thank you for your great work, Alex!

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, Stu, for your very kind and insightful comment. I recall a bumper sticker that read, "Be realistic, expect miracles." I'm all for "landing a man on the moon" (metaphorically-speaking) in the way that you are suggesting!

[Bill Tipton]

I believe one can exercise the freedom to choose one"s attitude. In my case I do not always choose my attitude consciously.

Handling complex and challenging situations with a positive attitude is easier to achieve if you do not dwell on the negative. Sometimes I think about my challenges as I lay in bed after a long day. A very critical medical condition took away my eyesight instantly and caused other life threatening conditions without any warning. At times I think about how I will be able to go through life as a completely blind person who needs two canes to walk. I think about how I will never be able to look into my loving wife"s eyes and see her looking back at me, ever again. I think about how I will be able to provide for my family. If I dwell on these negative thoughts I might get discouraged. I am very happy to say most of the time I am so busy living and experiencing life and doing positive personal and professional work, I forget that I am completely blind. I might go days or weeks without my new challenge causing me any great difficulty or ever dwelling on my unplanned circumstance.

I believe some people can deal with stress and change easier than others is because of their attitude towards their own challenges. When I am focused on others my thoughts and energy is funneled towards that work or person and away from myself.

Bill Tipton

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you, Bill, for your very insightful comment! It definitely sounds like you confront challenges with a positive attitude even if you don't think that you always choose your attitude consciously.

You are quite an inspiration. The challenges that you face are difficult for most people to imagine overcoming. Yet, YOU did and continue to do so. You are an inspirational and meaningful role model!

Your comments also reveal a very common and very "human" response to challenging situations known as "hyper-reflection." That is, we often in the face of adversity become so acutely aware of and fixated on our situation that we imagine all kinds of scenarios that may be associated with or may result from it--most notably those that are the most negative, including catastrophic. In logotherapeutic terms a la Viktor Frankl, this is when it becomes necessary to exercise our freedom to choose our attitude through, for example, the practice of the 10 Positive Things exercise, or to shift our focus of attention (known as "dereflection") to something else, especially something that is positive. Shifting your focus of attention, which you described very nicely in your comment, is another principle that I will be describing in greater detail in a subsequent post. So stay tuned!

Again, Bill, I greatly appreciate your candid and authentic comment, which certainly adds a great deal of value to this evolving conversation on "Living with Meaning." Keep the faith, my friend!

[ChrisABQ]

Like most self-evident truths, this first principle of Dr. Frankl's seems, when reading it, to be so simple. But if it were easy to APPLY, we wouldn't have the need for an entire, multi-billion dollar "self-help" industry. In his book, "Prisoners of Our Thoughts: Viktor Frankl's Principles at Work", Dr. Pattakos explains how you can apply Viktor Frankl's principles in your day-to-day activities. As he has in this first column, Dr. Pattakos continues to reveal some effective strategies for bringing meaning to one's life through Frankl's timeless ideas. Thanks, Dr. Pattakos, for reminding us of the need to PRACTICE Frankl's principles if we are to discover the deeper meaning of our life's purpose. I look forward to the next installment in this series!

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, Chris, for your comment. As you know, Viktor Frankl was one of the greatest thinkers (and humanitarians) of the 20th century. Besides being the founder of what is referred to as the "Third Viennese School of Psychotherapy" (the first was established by Sigmund Freud; the second by Alfred Adler), and "Existential Analysis," Dr. Frankl was an astute and outspoken observer of public affairs. Advancing his life and legacy is a major part of my life mission, and I feel both humbled and blessed to be able to "stand on his shoulders." One of the most meaningful moments for me recently was when I received a telephone call from Viktor's beloved wife, Dr. Eleonore Frankl, who lives in Vienna, Austria, after the new paperback edition of my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts, was released earlier this year. Most importantly, "Elly" thanked me for my meaning-focused work, my friendship, and my continuing efforts to keep Viktor's life and legacy alive so that his wisdom will forever bring light to darkness. And as evidenced by the Living Section of The Huffington Post, there is no doubt that the search for meaning is a "megatrend" of the 21st century! Thank you for your support!

[Russell Bishop - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful contributions. Indeed, it is my experience that I have a choice about the quality of my life, my experience and my response to all that happens throughout my day. Being reminded in such a profound way is helpful to say the least. Blessings to you for this work!

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

With all of the things happening at the DNC (I just noticed that you are in Denver), I especially want to thank you for your very kind comment. Since most of us are prone to forget how much "choice" we really have, it is good to be reminded occasionally! And blessings to you for your meaningful work!

[Delle]

Mr. Pattakos,

I find your article quite interesting and fascinating.

Not because I believe that excerising our freedom to chose an attitude is a megatrend of the 21st century - it is not - but because I have believed in the power of positive thinking for as long as I can remember.

I have in my library a book which was published in 1954 and although the pages are turning yellow by now, I still believe it to be a treasure.

The book is called "TNT The Power Within You" by Claude M. Bristol. I believe he also wrote the book called "The Magic of Believing".

Are you familiar with this author or this book?

If so, do you agree with him?

Thank You.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you, Delle, for your comment! Let me begin by stating that I didn't say that the "freedom to choose your attitude" was a "megatrend" of the 21st century, but that the "search for meaning" is such a megatrend. For more on this notion, please see the book, Megatrends 2010.

You are correct that Claude Britol wrote both "TNT The Power Within You" and "The Magic of Believing." I believe that he wrote the latter before the former (1948). Britol's work, I would say, is in alignment with Viktor Frankl's and my own thinking. His philosophy of the subconscious mind and the "law of attraction," to be sure, has helped (and continues to do so) many individuals build their self-awareness and self-confidence, as well as unleash the powers of the subconscious mind to achieve a wide variety of goals.

This said, my work and the underlying philosophy of Viktor Frankl's System of Logotherapy, is much more than a system or process of "positive thinking" per se. In my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts, for example, I explain the concept and practice of "true optimism," which is related but not the same thing espoused by Mr. Britol. Thank you again for your comment!