THE BLOG
10/26/2012 06:19 pm ET Updated Dec 26, 2012

Weekly Meditations for Healthy Sex (Oct. 26-Nov. 1)

It's vital for mindful acts of emotional and spiritual intimacy to steadily develop as a daily practice for healthy sex. To that end, Center for Healthy Sex has created daily meditations to help you reach your sexual and relational potential. (You can subscribe for free here.)

Even momentarily concentrating on healthy solutions rewires psychological patterns to receive and share healthy sexual love in the present. Here are three meditations with the themes of recovery, normality, and awakening for you to ponder and practice this week.

Meditation 1: Recovery

"Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay

Some people reading this may be in recovery for sex addiction or love addiction. But one person's recovery is everyone's recovery. We don't have to be addicts to recover from toxic views, beliefs and messages that do not serve us. Many of us are likely aware of the toxic extremes of sex and love, which can result in sex crimes, stalking, rape, emotional anorexia, heartbreak and suicide. The too-long list of toxic sex and love is ages old -- it's societal, it's the world over. It's the way that humans have related to other humans, to objectify, exploit, and control them. So we all can recover from misinformation and unhealthy ways of feeling and relating.

Sobriety means to stop acting out unhealthy behaviors. Recovery is actually different, and these words often seem to be interchangeable, but recovery is about recovering one's sexual health. This assumes that we're all naturally born with sexual health. We might have certain genetic predispositions or physiological conditions that are going to impact the range of sexual health that is our personal potential. We cannot recover this sexual health, our sexuality, unless we take the steps to create improved conditions to imprint our brains with healthy patterns.

Daily healthy sex acts

  • What is your sexual health? Imagine how you might function in your sexual, emotional and relational prime. Write a list of what's stopping you. Do you have blocks, lack of opportunity or other prohibitive conditions?
  • Research every shortcoming on your list. How do people recover from similar problems? Order books, schedule consultations, or sign up for workshops. The surest path to the full recovery of your sexual health starts with the first step.

Meditation 2: Normality

"The only normal people are the one's you don't know very well." -- Alfred Adler

Normality suggests an entrenched pattern. You might have the same morning routine, the same way of thinking about certain subjects, and the same pattern of response when you're triggered, all of which become the norm for you. Whenever a pattern gets disrupted, it feels abnormal. You hear people talk about negative habits they'd like to replace but, literally, that's their normal -- meaning their pattern. To seek self-improvement, you must be ready to step outside your norm.

We know from experience how pervasive repetitive patterns are and the profound effort that any psychological makeover requires. The first step to upgrading your version of normalcy always begins with clear intention backed by awareness. Of course, there are cultural norms beyond the capacity of any single individual to change. The tool of mapping will deepen your understanding of any social behavior that might appear abnormal, including the sometimes incomprehensible behavior of friends and lovers. How were they raised? What are their immediate needs? Viewed in the context of their life experiences, you might come to tolerate and/or appreciate new versions of normality.

Daily healthy sex acts

  • Try new things. Or try things a new way today.
  • Walk backward when you enter and exit your home.
  • Try different areas for all your habitual activities. Rearrange the furniture and the photos. Notice the feelings that come up and your ability to handle novelty.
  • Now what do you really want to create in your life? STOP stopping yourself.

Meditation 3: Awakening

"Only that day dawns to which we are awake." -- Henry David Thoreau

If we metaphorically sleepwalk through life, we miss the abundance, beauty, joy, and wonder life has to offer. If we sleepwalk through our relationships, we miss the same. Your partner has unique and intricate qualities to offer you if you're awake enough to notice. Rouse from your apathy for your partner by calling forth memories of times that were filled with play and joy and bring those attributes into your relationship and into your sex life today.

When you choose to stir that which has been asleep, like an early morning riser, you may feel groggy, not exactly knowing how to orient yourself or find your way. Trust that your senses will awaken because you've chosen to put your attention on your intention to activate your relationship and sex life.

Daily healthy sex acts

  • Think about your best sexual memories with your partner and what made your sex life lively when you first met.
  • Reawaken your sexuality by sharing those memories and suggesting you try some of those things together again.
  • If you're single, choose to awaken your day by paying close attention to every moment (experience the sunrise, taste every bite of your food, smell the air, notice details about your co-workers, etc.) in order to awaken your experience of your sensuality.

For more by Alexandra Katehakis, M.F.T., click here.

For more on conscious relationships, click here.