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Alexandra Katehakis, M.F.T.

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Weekly Meditations for Healthy Sex (March 22-28)

Posted: 03/22/2013 3:49 pm

It's vital for mindful acts of emotional and spiritual intimacy to steadily develop as a daily practice for healthy sex. To that end, Center for Healthy Sex has created daily meditations to help you reach your sexual and relational potential. (You can subscribe for free here.)

Even momentarily concentrating on healthy solutions rewires psychological patterns to receive and share healthy sexual love in the present. Here are three meditations with the themes of sexual technique, attraction, and spiritual love for you to ponder and practice this week.

Meditation 1: Sexual Technique

"It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover." -- Marge Piercy

What is technique but the ability and desire to refine one's skills? Or, as they say, it takes practice, practice, practice! We think nothing of musicians, chefs, surgeons, and dancers devoting time and study to perfect their craft. Why should it be any different when it comes to sexual experience? All too often, lovers find what they like and repeat. Further exploration can be embarrassing. It might give the wrong idea that we are dissatisfied rather than curious or ambitious. Open and honest sexual discussion might open us to critique and feelings of inadequacy.

Yet we are each responsible for our individual well-being, comfort, and boundaries. Self-care is a prerequisite to any sexual technique, because being paralyzed by insecurity inhibits the maturation of eroticism. With a little consideration and basic research, we all may develop sufficient sexual expertise to give and receive pleasure reliably when with our chosen partner.

Technique is never about what happens; technique is about how it happens. For starters, you might focus on time: What is it like to move fast or slow? Then, consider force: strong or soft? Also, what about attention: focused or diffused? What other key elements of technique in any field might apply to sex? This is one uncharted realm where it's still possible to discover your own expertise of expression.

Daily healthy sex acts

  • Notice the techniques you've developed to feed yourself, bathe yourself, and function throughout your day. Where do you find pleasure and mastery in your routines? Is it the patient way you prepare food, or the smooth manner you turn the wheel of your car? Do you bring these moves to the bedroom?
  • How does your body move? Feel the touch of your own fingers, the feel of your tongue against your lips. Move beyond your favorite sensory feelings -- even Picasso experimented with different materials and styles. Expand your tolerance for qualitative differences such as pressure, texture, and vibration.
  • Now, notice how your lover's body moves.


Meditation 2: Attraction

"Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are." -- Arsène Houssaye

It's not often that we ponder precisely what we find sexually attractive in another. Usually, human beings are stirred by that mysterious force we call "chemistry" when it comes to sex and love. And yet, learning what characteristics make up sexual attraction for us is a necessary part of adult sexuality, albeit one we find challenging. Think about what attracts you to another person, whether a friend, lover, teacher, dentist, or medical doctor. We have to feel some sense of attraction in order to trust those around us. What qualities of attraction move you toward someone?

Attraction is a law of nature that makes entire processes and systems come together to birth something new. What attributes do you possess that you think others find attractive -- your intelligence, sense of humor, physical appearance, or something else? When you're open and feeling attractive, you'll attract what and whom you need in your life in order to birth something in you. Whether that something is literally a child or the creation of a new business, the inspiration for a work of art, or to be the best you can be, something new and beautiful will be birthed when you're in a state of attraction.

Daily healthy sex acts

  • Take time today to write about what you find attractive in a partner and what you find attractive in yourself.
  • Make a commitment to yourself to change your unattractive qualities in order to deepen your self-esteem and to attract the kind of partner or energy you'd like to have in your life.


Meditation 3: Spiritual Love

"Love in its essence is spiritual fire." -- Emanuel Swedenborg

To experience spiritual love, demonstrate a loving spirit. One definition of spirit is the uniting intentional energy behind any activity. We have probably all felt caught up in a group mood of jubilation -- "team spirit" -- at least once. We may have also felt times of grace, where social expression flows effortlessly. During such exalted instances, it's futile and counter-productive to analyze every single element to find the end-all source of exaltation; the whole of the experience is greater than the sum of its parts.

What we accomplish on our own either succeeds or fails; we feel good or bad. Because we're human we perceive thus dualistically. A spiritual experience -- the experience of a greater spirit -- transcends duality and transports humankind out of our black-or-white, bifurcated perception. As a consequence it lifts us out of our isolation. Spiritual love brings us in touch with our larger selves, which always include others.

Unquestionably, we do not create most of our experience. We bear witness. Who among us could write this script? There are infinitely many belief systems, but the concept of spirit -- whether energy, blind force, religious deity, mindstuff, or mystery -- may reconcile them all. Everything has a spirit, especially love.

Bring awareness to the spirit of your loving. Sexual energy, when directed toward conscious healing or uplifting divine union, can relieve and transform. Do you limit your sexual experience to physical sensation? Why, when mentality and emotionality are so integral to your being? Bring the spirit of all facets of your personality to your sex and love life. Your thoughts and feelings have weight, sound, and appearance. Caress your lover with your mind through erotic intentions. Let your spirituality vibrate and ripple, and know that the flow of sexual union is of a greater spirit.

Daily healthy sex acts

  • What is your concept of spirit? Is it compatible with your sex and love life? Imagine you are such a spirit today, and send love to all: family, friends, community, world...
  • What blessings do you bring to your partnership? Let your lover know the true meaning of your passion. Before making love, share loving spiritual intentions of your hearts. Touch the spirit of your truths.
  • See your lover through your god eyes. Let your mind rise to the height of spiritual awareness. Every glance, sound, sigh, touch, embrace is a sign and gift of the greater spirit of your union. Caress greater spirit today.


For more by Alexandra Katehakis, M.F.T., click here.

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