Here are the top 20 news stories of 2011 that resulted from unbelievably bad sex, which we define as unhealthy sexual or romantic impulses resulting in toxic activities that cause harm to individuals and communities. The addictive spectrum of bad sex is always secretive or shameful in some way, and abusive or exploitative at its worst. This provocative list was compiled by me and my fellow clinicians, the sexual therapists and sex addiction specialists at Center for Healthy Sex, who provided their professional slant for these hotbed topics.
Why are we inundated with sexual scandals? How can these public figures make the same blatant mistakes over and over and over? One possible factor is that with the explosion of electronic communication, which has usurped previous relational standards, we are experiencing a societal upheaval. In particular, the proliferation of Internet porn has reshaped sexual attitudes and beliefs, distorting the sexual narrative of our society further toward unhealthy objectification and dysmorphia. According to statistics, today's youth -- the future generation that will lead our world -- is already saturated by internet porn, with 80 percent of teenagers ages 15 to 17 reporting "multiple hard-core exposure."
"For the first time in history, children are growing up whose earliest sexual imprinting derives not from a living human being, or fantasies of their own; since the 1960s pornographic upsurge, the sexuality of children has begun to be shaped in response to cues that are no longer human. Nothing comparable has ever happened in the history of our species; it dislodges Freud. Today's children and young men and women have sexual identities that spiral around paper and celluloid phantoms: from Playboy to music videos to the blank female's torsos in women's magazines, features obscured and eyes extinguished, they are being imprinted with a sexuality that is mass-produced, deliberately dehumanizing and inhuman."
--Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth
Despite the much-heralded 1960s sexual revolution against previously repressive attitudes, we're still facing many of the same intrinsic problems from earlier eras -- if not the Middle Ages. Sex is often, if not mostly, a manipulative tool for people to use and be used, and such selfish and self-destructive tendencies trickle out into world dysfunction.
"Two things threaten all our lives: high-tech warfare and industrially driven ecological disaster. Both are a kind of madness; borne of emotional injury. Both are the result of arrests in emotional development. Both are problems of relationship."
--Robin Grille, Parenting for a Peaceful World
Sexual dissatisfaction, dysfunction, and misconduct materialize due to ignorance of the truth that ultimately sex is more than just an act, a thing to be had. Sex is a way of being in the world and relating intimately within it. While the sexual revolution was instrumental in liberating healthy, undeveloped sexual urges from repression compared with previous eras, our culture still represses true intimacy. We freely discuss our lives in sexual terms without genuinely revealing or exploring the actual vulnerabilities, feelings, and desires that impel our sexual being. What's really most needed today is a relational revolution.
What does unhealthy or addictive sex mean to you, and which of these stories do you believe to be the worst example of bad sex?
Underage Prostitute Linked To Silvio Berlusconi
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Berlusconi represents the stereotypical Roman of bygone days. Unfortunately, his behaviors took place in modern-day Italy at the height of the debt crisis. Berlusconi risked his reputation, tarnished 17 years of political service to his country, and alienated his constituents due to his alleged exploits with underaged women. His commitment to economic changes had become so compromised that even the Vatican lost faith in his abilities. This coupled with the latest allegations of having had sex with a minor had him resigning in humiliation. All of these behaviors -- the unmanageability, the loss of loyalty and faith of his constituents, and the abuse of power -- are hallmarks of sex addiction. Like many who use sex as a way to exert power and control, Berlusconi's apparent narcissism was a runaway train that could only be stopped by a major force. His poor judgment coupled with the debt crisis combined to create that force.
Many females he had promoted to government positions sided with the patriarchal ethos that has been embedded in Italy since the beginning of time. However, a new breed of modern Italian women were no longer interested in fueling Italy's double standard. In February, hundreds of thousands of women took to the streets in an anti-Berlusconi demonstration. The stance Italian women took against the exploitation and objectification of women by men in power telegraphed the beginning of a new era and, quite possibly, the beginning of change in Italian culture. Viva Italia! --By Alexandra Katehakis, M.F.T., C.S.T., C.S.A.T., Clinical Director of Center for Healthy Sex (AP Photo/Mauro Scrobogna, LaPresse)
Berlusconi represents the stereotypical Roman of bygone days. Unfortunately, his behaviors took place in modern-day Italy at the height of the debt crisis. Berlusconi risked his reputation, tarnished 17 years of political service to his country, and alienated his constituents due to his alleged exploits with underaged women. His commitment to economic changes had become so compromised that even the Vatican lost faith in his abilities. This coupled with the latest allegations of having had sex with a minor had him resigning in humiliation. All of these behaviors -- the unmanageability, the loss of loyalty and faith of his constituents, and the abuse of power -- are hallmarks of sex addiction. Like many who use sex as a way to exert power and control, Berlusconi's apparent narcissism was a runaway train that could only be stopped by a major force. His poor judgment coupled with the debt crisis combined to create that force.
Many females he had promoted to government positions sided with the patriarchal ethos that has been embedded in Italy since the beginning of time. However, a new breed of modern Italian women were no longer interested in fueling Italy's double standard. In February, hundreds of thousands of women took to the streets in an anti-Berlusconi demonstration. The stance Italian women took against the exploitation and objectification of women by men in power telegraphed the beginning of a new era and, quite possibly, the beginning of change in Italian culture. Viva Italia!
--By Alexandra Katehakis, M.F.T., C.S.T., C.S.A.T., Clinical Director of Center for Healthy Sex (AP Photo/Mauro Scrobogna, LaPresse)
Berlusconi represents the stereotypical Roman of bygone days. Unfortunately, his behaviors took place in modern-day Italy at the height of the debt crisis. Berlusconi risked his reputation, tarnished 17 years of political service to his country, and alienated his constituents due to his alleged exploits with underaged women. His commitment to economic changes had become so compromised that even the Vatican lost faith in his abilities. This coupled with the latest allegations of having had sex with a minor had him resigning in humiliation. All of these behaviors -- the unmanageability, the loss of loyalty and faith of his constituents, and the abuse of power -- are hallmarks of sex addiction. Like many who use sex as a way to exert power and control, Berlusconi's apparent narcissism was a runaway train that could only be stopped by a major force. His poor judgment coupled with the debt crisis combined to create that force.
Many females he had promoted to government positions sided with the patriarchal ethos that has been embedded in Italy since the beginning of time. However, a new breed of modern Italian women were no longer interested in fueling Italy's double standard. In February, hundreds of thousands of women took to the streets in an anti-Berlusconi demonstration. The stance Italian women took against the exploitation and objectification of women by men in power telegraphed the beginning of a new era and, quite possibly, the beginning of change in Italian culture. Viva Italia! --By Alexandra Katehakis, M.F.T., C.S.T., C.S.A.T., Clinical Director of Center for Healthy Sex (AP Photo/Mauro Scrobogna, LaPresse)
Here are the top 20 news stories of 2011 that resulted from unbelievably bad sex, which we define as unhealthy sexual or romantic impulses resulting in toxic activities that cause harm to individuals ...
Here are the top 20 news stories of 2011 that resulted from unbelievably bad sex, which we define as unhealthy sexual or romantic impulses resulting in toxic activities that cause harm to individuals ...
Here are the top 20 stories of the year that inspire good sex, which we define as conscious and conscientious sexual impulses resulting in consensual activity that positively impacts our communities, our relationships, and ourselves.
...I call it getting what we deserve because we will not send the clowns that are in congress NOW home and elect somebody else who will get the job done. If the new bunch doesn't do what we sent them there to do....throw THEM out and keep electing them until we get somebody in office that 'gets it'.......we ARE being screwed...but we must like it...we keep doing it over and over....
ming099: ...I call it getting what we deserve because we will
For some chair throwing is a real turn on. I always ask my partner to throw a chair as hard as she can at me before we get it on, totally gets me going, especially if I get cut or something.
JRonin: For some chair throwing is a real turn on. I
"One possible factor is that with the explosion of electronic communication, which has usurped previous relational standards, we are experiencing a societal upheaval. "
Alexandra, there have always been sex scandals. Before there was porn on the web there were sex magazines and movies. Before that there were pornographic drawings, pamphlets and novels going all the way back to the beginning of recorded history, some 30,000 years.
Way to exaggerate the Sexual Revolutions impact and show a complete misunderstanding of history. The '60s folks didn't invent anything sexual, they just didn't bother to hide what they did.
BigWillyG: Way to exaggerate the Sexual Revolutions impact and show a
"In particular, the proliferation of Internet porn has reshaped sexual attitudes and beliefs, distorting the sexual narrative of our society further toward unhealthy objectification and dysmorphia."
These feminist attacks on porn make then sound like the conservative men they once attacked for repressing their sexuality.
" According to statistics, today's youth -- the future generation that will lead our world -- is already saturated by internet porn, with 80 percent of teenagers ages 15 to 17 reporting "multiple hard-core exposure.""
I hope you realize the ultimate hardcore exposure is the real thing and a lot of 15 to 17 year olds are doing that already. Seeing a naked female or people having sex does not turn males into perverts or females into promiscuous freaks. Your attempts to define healthy sexuality bear no more creditably than christian right that demands it only occur within marriage and between a man and women. Considering your angst towards sexual freedom, I think you need to deal with your own limitations on healthy sexuality before demanding the society dance to your tune. I agree the innocents of young children is something we should protect, but 15 to 17 is post pubescent. Their exposure to images to people having sex should not be seen as more threatening than watching any other mammal go about their reproductive process. We should have a more natural view of sexuality instead of living in perpetual fear of it.
edtastic: "In particular, the proliferation of Internet porn has reshaped sexual
Isn't it sad the puritans have no problem with gore, dead bodies, graphic and horrific violence, yet the hint of nipple and they go into hysterical spasms of repression and want to shut the entire industry down.
WashingtonDCsucks: Isn't it sad the puritans have no problem with gore,
I'm far more concerned about Berlusconi's abuse of power and unbridled arrogance than this "scandal". The "minor" in question was 17 years old. It is not a crime in many parts of the US for a 17 year old to be married to an adult. It is common in many parts of the world. When this is factored in with the young woman's obvious savvy in selling herself it's difficult to see this as a case of child abuse.
In my view a woman of 17 should generally be regarded as an adult. One would hope a young woman of this age would have the emotional maturity to freely make her own decisions; unfortunately men and women of far greater age frequently lack emotional maturity...but they are allowed to show that immaturity.
I am a firm believer in a person's right to choose how to use their bodies-even if it means having sex in exchange for money. I believe it is our attitudes and pushing prostitution into a furtive, shame-filled corner that is largely responsible for it's ties to violence or drug addiction.
Berlusconi was (and is) a corrupt man undeserving of my sympathy. However I chose to save my disdain for his horrible actions in general.
dennybop: I'm far more concerned about Berlusconi's abuse of power and
back in my grandparents days people got married and stayed together for life, nowadays people wouldnt even dream of staying with one partner, you havent lived untill you've don your A,B,Cs. people are having kids to soon, only to break up, think their adults, what adult leaves kids with a young woman to bring up with the risk of other men taking over as dad, then your kids are at risk by these stepdads, settle down in your late 20s and be there for your children, when your young you want to have sex with many partners, so stay single untill you've had your fill.
majesticjkr: back in my grandparents days people got married and stayed
That is a good question. I started reading it with that in mind, but got distracted when Alexandra decided to rewrite the history of human sexuality. I don't think any thought was put into her post, it's a quick puff piece.
It also doesn't belong in our Gay section.
Doug_Watt: That is a good question. I started reading it with
For shame Phil.
You know the answer to that if you live in the U.S. The various religous groups have been deciding what is correct and normal, since before the Salem Witch Trials. That's why the country is having problems with the gay & lesbian folks. The religous don't want to admit to prejudice, but they don't want to give them equal rights either.They've backed themselves politically into an important corner.
I'll get swept off the board with negatives for this one, but that's how I understand it.
nosmiley: For shame Phil. You know the answer to that if
"nosmiley": Your RIGHT! There in lies the problem, "We the People" in the United States continue to believe we are a Christian Nation, what a JOKE? We continue to put our noses up everybody's behind, so to speak and tell them, what and how they need and should live there lives in Gods name! Yet we could care less about God! As Christian Americans we are all Hypocrites! We do not follow the teachings of Our so called God? Religion is a Big Fat Money Making LIE and a JOKE!! (What don't we understand about: Thou shall not Kill, Covet, Lie, Steal, Bare False Witness, just to mention 5, of Our Gods Broken, Commandments) How many Gods Commandments can we continue to break as a People and a Country and still be considered Christian? And were up in Arms over SEX, give me break? THERE IS NO GOD, WE NEED TO GET OVER IT!! The sooner America's and the World gets off this GOD Nonsense and Fighting over which God is the Right and True God, the better off we will all be! You think your post will have some negative comments? Now you will see real negative, when all the so called Christian, get up in arms over my comments! I say bring it on Fools, be sure to bring some real proof, in your posts, of a real GOD, not what you think in your Pea Brains! Happy New Year! :-}
Philip_Tarnofsky: "nosmiley": Your RIGHT! There in lies the problem, "We the
Prostitution rarely makes for "good sex".
Yet, Congress has been screwing us all for years, and getting paid for it.
What would YOU call that?
Kudos to the writers! Worthy of The Onion!
Alexandra, there have always been sex scandals. Before there was porn on the web there were sex magazines and movies. Before that there were pornographic drawings, pamphlets and novels going all the way back to the beginning of recorded history, some 30,000 years.
So no, human sexuality has not changed because of the internet. I suggest doing some research on the subject, here is a helpful link: http://www.livescience.com/8748-history-pornography-prudish-present.html
No such thing as bad publicity........
These feminist attacks on porn make then sound like the conservative men they once attacked for repressing their sexuality.
" According to statistics, today's youth -- the future generation that will lead our world -- is already saturated by internet porn, with 80 percent of teenagers ages 15 to 17 reporting "multiple hard-core exposure.""
I hope you realize the ultimate hardcore exposure is the real thing and a lot of 15 to 17 year olds are doing that already. Seeing a naked female or people having sex does not turn males into perverts or females into promiscuous freaks. Your attempts to define healthy sexuality bear no more creditably than christian right that demands it only occur within marriage and between a man and women. Considering your angst towards sexual freedom, I think you need to deal with your own limitations on healthy sexuality before demanding the society dance to your tune. I agree the innocents of young children is something we should protect, but 15 to 17 is post pubescent. Their exposure to images to people having sex should not be seen as more threatening than watching any other mammal go about their reproductive process. We should have a more natural view of sexuality instead of living in perpetual fear of it.
In my view a woman of 17 should generally be regarded as an adult. One would hope a young woman of this age would have the emotional maturity to freely make her own decisions; unfortunately men and women of far greater age frequently lack emotional maturity...but they are allowed to show that immaturity.
I am a firm believer in a person's right to choose how to use their bodies-even if it means having sex in exchange for money. I believe it is our attitudes and pushing prostitution into a furtive, shame-filled corner that is largely responsible for it's ties to violence or drug addiction.
Berlusconi was (and is) a corrupt man undeserving of my sympathy. However I chose to save my disdain for his horrible actions in general.
It also doesn't belong in our Gay section.
What is normal and who decides what kind and how much of sex is normal?
You know the answer to that if you live in the U.S. The various religous groups have been deciding what is correct and normal, since before the Salem Witch Trials. That's why the country is having problems with the gay & lesbian folks. The religous don't want to admit to prejudice, but they don't want to give them equal rights either.They've backed themselves politically into an important corner.
I'll get swept off the board with negatives for this one, but that's how I understand it.