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Alexis Jane Torre Headshot

Be a Girl Who Writes

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I've seen some very beautifully-written pieces about dating a girl who reads and dating a girl who writes. And, they are fantastic and so much more meaningful than any other dating advice I've seen on the interwebs lately. But, I feel like these pieces still aren't fully complete. Because you don't want to just be the one watching someone else fall in love with a novel or end up a character in one of their pieces. You should try to become a reader/writer yourself. You should try to be a girl who writes.

Be a girl who writes because you'll better understand when life throws unexpected hurdles in your way -- as plot twists give us necessary segues. Be a girl who writes because you'll know that some relationships need to end when there are no more plotlines left to have between two people. Be a girl who writes because you'll probably better understand why T-Swift writes so many love and break-up songs. Journaling it out can be the best way to deal with crushes, heartbreaks and love stories that can only happen in fiction.

Be a girl who writes because you'll likely end up spending a lot of time in coffee shops writing (which is pretty cool because you can befriend baristas and develop a regular coffee order). Be a girl who writes because you'll like this feeling of control you have when you write. You'll know what it means to write your own story and make your own choices, and realize that you can exercise control in your real life as well. Be a girl who writes because you'll see how sometimes you have to let things happen and other times, you have to make things happen. In writing, you can see that sometimes good ideas can just flow from you while other times you have to dig deep and struggle with writer's block for days before you can finally put down what you want to say in words.

On that note, be a girl who writes because you'll understand just how hard it can be to describe feelings, events and people. Stories tend to happen linearly. When you write, you work to strive for some kind of coherent way to tie events and feelings together, some kind of common theme, and some kind of closure to leave readers feeling fulfilled. In fiction, there are couples that are endgame, that are meant to be together despite all their fights and breakups. But, you'll learn that real life isn't as neat. In real life, you can't generalize and leave out details. You don't always get closure, and you don't always fully get over things as easily and simply the way fiction allows your characters to. Real-life relationships can't withstand all the drama that the fictional ones can. Be a girl who writes so you can appreciate the little things that you can't find the right words for or that you can choose to leave out of your stories, poems, etc., but you can't choose to ignore in reality. Be a girl who writes so you can appreciate the freedom of not having to end up with someone. Be a girl who writes so you can appreciate all the things you can't put on paper (or on a Word Document because we've gotta get with the times).

So, yes, you can and maybe even should date someone who reads and writes. But, remember that it's important for you yourself to read and/or write. There are stories that only you can write, experiences that only you can document and characters that only can create. So, just start. Start journaling your daily experiences and watch them turn into a short story. Start venting about your break-up if you need to (but in my opinion, you probably shouldn't use actual names). Start by picking up that pen (or turning on your laptop, still working on getting with the times) and just writing about what you did this weekend or your favorite summer or anything you want. Just start.