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Alexis Jane Torre Headshot

Maybe it's Time to Fall Out of Love...

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Breakups are always seen as upsetting, disappointing and possibly even life-shattering. We tend to think of them solely as losses. Falling out of love is supposed to be painful and borderline unbearable. In the midst of all the changed relationship statuses, ice cream tubs, and Taylor Swift songs, we forget that falling out of love isn't entirely bad. People break up and stay broken up for good reasons. Ending a relationship -- of any kind -- is hard. But staying in one with the wrong person or at the wrong time can be even harder.

Falling out of love isn't entirely horrible. You don't just fall out of love with a person; you fall out of love with how they made you feel. And, sometimes, this is actually a good thing. You can fall out of mediocre love. You can fall out of unfaithful, harmful, or one-sided love. You can fall out of love with lying to yourself, constantly trying to justify someone's words and actions. You can fall out of love with waiting by the phone on a Saturday night. You can let go of ignoring who someone actually is and how they truly treat you. You can be free of being on again and off again, rebuilding your life every time they change their mind. You can fall out of love with being someone's back-up plan, their second choice that they'll go to only if Plan A fails.

And, yes, you do lose things when you break up with someone. But, sometimes, there are places and times and feelings that you need to let go of. You can lose that constant feeling of uncertainty and anxiety, always wondering if this relationship is "right." Or, maybe you'll lose being constantly patronized. You could lose your self-doubt and lack of independence. You can lose going to the same diner every Friday night instead of trying something new and acting like you're okay with this routine instead of admitting that you just want some kind of change. Or, you could lose having to put your interests and goals on the backburner. And, maybe you'll lose feeling self-conscious and constantly worrying if you're "good enough."

Falling out of love is never easy, even when it's with someone that you know is wrong for you. But, I think falling out of love can be just as good as falling in love. Sometimes, we're in relationships that are draining and chaotic and just flat-out difficult in every way. And, I think it's important to know when walk away from a relationship and to realize what you will and will not stand for. So, while it is the season for summer flings and late night dates, I think that we could all use a reminder that it really is okay to fall out of love.