How to Stop Second Guessing Yourself and Make Decisions With Confidence

06/03/2015 01:11 pm ET | Updated Jun 03, 2016
Javier Pierini via Getty Images

"What if he's not the one?"

"What if I fail?"

"What if I shouldn't take this job? How do I know?"

For many years, and sometimes now if I'm being honest, the "what-if" questions have torn me in two. Some people may call this doubt but I think it's just part of human nature.

You see, we always have a choice. We have free will to choose what decisions in life will serve us best. But how do we actually know what will serve us best?

Well, we don't. And that's part of the fun.

We get to act out this play that we call life as we are co-creating it with the Divine, and guidance is always available to us.

There didn't used to be as much choice as there is today, particularly for women. It was likely that you would live in or around the town you grew up in, marry a man at a young age and follow one of a limited number of career options. Even your consumer buying choices were limited. If you wanted toothpaste, you could select from a handful of options, versus the bombardment of brands we see today at the local pharmacy. Even after selecting a brand, you still have to decide between whitening or regular, sensitive or non-sensitive, baking soda or scope.

This is the paradox of choice.

Yes, toothpaste may seem like a simple example but every day we are confronted with a number of choices that leave us feeling unsure, undecided and unconfident in ourselves.

Tony Robbins describes two of the main human needs as certainty and uncertainty. We crave some semblance of order in our lives. We want to know that we are safe, where our next meal is going to come from and that we are on the right path in life. But if we knew everything that was going to happen to us at all times life would be about as fun as watching the grass grow.

This is where uncertainty comes in. We equally ache for excitement, spontaneity, curiosity and adventure.

We want to know that our situation can change; that we can play a part in making our lives better.

And we can! Fear and excitement are only separated by the breath.

When staring down a desperate crossroads and asking yourself if you're making the "right" choice, it is as if you're saying that God will reward you for one decision and punish you for another. I strongly believe that life doesn't work this way.

As soon as you make a decision, any decision, the Universe begins to conspire for you. Your destiny shifts as you follow along this new chosen path.

The energy you are giving off will change, as will the experiences you find yourself becoming a part of.

"Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect of one of Goethe's couplets: Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."
~W.H. Murray

And that doesn't mean it will be easy. It doesn't mean that things will work out exactly the way you want or planned for. But who are we to say what's good and what's bad? The two are transient, fluid, ever-changing in the midst of time and perspective.



I wanted to move away from the Northeast and was choosing between settling in Florida or Oregon. I chose to move to Portland, Oregon with nothing but one suitcase and a vision of what I hoped my life would become. It took a lot of time and struggle, but never once did I look back and wonder if I shouldn't have made the choice I did.

I kept a steady view of the dream in my heart and kept working towards it. Sometimes, you just have to make sh-t happen. It didn't look exactly how I expected, but perhaps turned out better than I could have planned for.

So here's my advice to you, my friend.

Together, let's move away from fear and towards trust. Towards light, energy and expansion. That is where your best life lives.

Grasp a firm, unwavering belief that the Universe is working for you. And if you're struggling with making decisions, start with a couple of small ones. Choose whether or not you want to go to that umpteenth birthday party this month, what you're going to wear to work tomorrow or how many days you'll get to the gym. And once you decide -- decide with gusto! Make the choice and follow your lead with confidence.