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Ann Romney, Do You Really Love Us Women?

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You love us? Really? All of us?

Even the poor, the unmarried, the homosexual, the oversexed, and the overworked?

Do you love the women who get their birth control at Planned Parenthood?

Or the women who are seeing to it that women can have a safe abortion if they've been raped, "legitimately" or not? By the way, Ann, even though it is now a moot point, since your party's platform is "NO ABORTIONS EVEN IN THE CASE OF RAPE OR INCEST," and you have to go along with what Big Brother -- I mean, the party -- says, I'm curious to know, in your eyes, what is a legitimate rape? Does the assailant have a knife? A gun? A fist? Is he a color? An uncle? A lawmaker? Just curious.

Do you still love me, Ann?

Even though I want to make sure that ALL women have safe access to abortions and OB/GYN visits without invasive ultrasounds? The only trans-vaginal wand that is going inside of me is the one that got me pregnant in the first place. I mean a penis, Ann, in case you didn't catch that.

Speaking of, Ann, do you love the women that have sex out of wedlock? I have had a lot of that sex, probably more than your female constituents. Of course, I have my standards. I personally try to stay away from any guy involved in a con (NeoCon, Defcon, Comic-con). You tend to get con-ned out of a good time. Ann, do you love women who like to take control of their sexuality? Ones that like to have a good time in bed? Because I imagine a lot of the women in your party shut their eyes and pray for the deed to be over, thinking of it as God's duty. I, too, mention God a lot when I have sex, but in an entirely different context.

Where's the love, Ann -- are we still good?

Ann, what about all the not "real" marriages you hinted at? Do you love those women, too? For instance, my friend Jamie -- she is married to a great woman and they have a wonderful marriage. I dare say they spend more time together than you and Mitt do.

What is a "real" marriage? Is it two God-fearing Christians? Stitch me a sampler, 'cause I need to see what you're getting at exactly. I was under the impression that America was built of differences and that we embraced those differences. That the American Dream was that you could make your own reality. But if there is a REAL marriage, then please show us because there are a lot of Real Housewives masquerading about and taking up some prime time Bravo TV space who need to be 86ed.

Still love me?

Ann, do you love Michelle Obama? She seemed to mop the floor with you. While you play-acted at struggling through out life, she connected with the idea. While you came off like a crazed game show hostess bestowing gym equipment upon a paraplegic, Michelle seemed like she understood the sobering realities that America faces. I think she loves us anyway. While you talk about loving women, you, your husband and your party legislate against us.

I don't think you love us after all. Not one bit.