Hey, have you heard of that horrible show called Fox News? Get this. They call themselves a news station. Well, they should really get some fact checkers. I was on my smart phone at Intelligentista, drinking my macchiato this morning, when I almost barfed on my Surface To Air hoodie. Fox said the Fab Four were from Manchester, not Liverpool. Can you believe it?
I'm outraged! It makes me want to march somewhere. But I have a car. And a Vespa. Everyone knows the Beatles are from Liverpool. I think you could ask someone in a poor country, like say Germany, and even they would know. It's like saying Santa Claus is from the South Pole, which is ridiculous! Get your facts straight, Fox News!
What horrible thing are they gonna say next? It's time that our generation got off their ass, took some action and stopped these media monsters. I do my part to be active and give back. Like, I threw a party for the refugees in Haiti. Well they weren't there, but it was in their honor. We had special guest DJs and two dollar Mudslides.
I know some black people, like Kanye, so I try to put myself in the Haitian's shoes. If they even have shoes. I think to myself: what would it be like to be like them and have nowhere to live? Kind of like that one time when La Quinta resort fucked up my room reservations during Coachella and I had to stay at the Courtyard by Marriott. Slum city! Anyway, we're all people, so you've got to give back when you're on top, right?
My side project/band/art collective 'Cult Classic' is all about using creativity to help other people. We make music and t-shirts and sell them to people and then put them on celebrities I know. Then we take the celebrities pictures while they're having fun at my parties and I put the pics on Facebook and tons more people buy my stuff. Then we give a small portion of money to poor people who can't even afford to go to my parties. Or any parties. Can you imagine living your whole life in a hut and never ever getting to hear Daft Punk?
It's not easy being a charitable, politically active person in demand. Like, people want to come and buy shirts and volunteer, but I don't want fucking randoms coming to my house. I have expensive shit and famous friends, and people holding yeyo, if you know what I mean. Can't just have anyone off the street showing up. It's not a hostel, dude.
What was the point? Oh yeah! Fox News. Those assholes think they can get away with saying fucked up stuff like the Beatles are from Manchester, because they think hipster liberals are a bunch of self obsessed, wastes of space who live in a bubble. Well, guess again, Fox! We won't put up with your bullshit anymore. We ARE paying attention!
Oh, by the way, did you hear about that fucking oil spill?
Follow Ali MacLean on Twitter: www.twitter.com/aliontheair