Huffpost Chicago
THE BLOG

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Alice Singleton Headshot

Two Moose for Sister Sarah -- A Requiem

Posted: Updated:
Print

"You shouldn't say anything bad about her. Sarah Palin is really pretty, guys. And she's crying." Stern notice from my eleven year-old daughter that any trashing, finger-pointing and gloating we momentarily planned in our celebration of Republican concession would not be tolerated. We dare not ignore Marissa's protestations at our peril. A little sympathy for the Mean Girl.

Sarah Palin, pretty, calm, misty-eyed--standing stoically in a lovely cobalt-blue ensemble, listening sorrowfully as her running mate conceded their campaign and effectively ended her rock-star rising.

Of course the back-stabbing of Sister Sarah arrived the proverbial Morning After, if only because the knives were sharpened to surgical-grade performance and placed on the embalming table of Sister Sarah's career weeks ago by the very folks that westward-hoed into the great White North, offered her the V.P. nomination and the chance to save the Republicans from burning in the flames of historical irrelevancy, one more election cycle to ignore their fellow Americans hyperventilating in fear and anxiety at being mired in home and job losses, unjust wars and saber-rattling, the crises of health care, the gas pumps, the classrooms, the heinous denial of basic human rights with Proposition 8 and various lockstep referendums in California, Arkansas, Virginia, Florida. Who needs an actual domestic policy, or even a public sense of compassion and understanding of the needs of common Americans when you have a fine-as-red-wine Queen of the MILFs that can bust a cap in a herd of bovine from Air Force Two? Vet her? Hell, I barely know her! Seriously folks. The Alaska Advance team ignored the pregnant teen-aged daughter on the sofa and the Alaskan separatist husband in the Lazy Boy lounger. Sister Sarah, quickly crowned to be the Eva Peron of a ragged GOP end-of-days.

Then, the Morning After, and Sister Sarah went from being one-half of the party standard bearer to the Whore of Babylon, Elly Mae Clampett sportin' a bikini underneath her parka. The McCain campaign went into meltdown in mid-September, unwilling and unable to face the economic calamity book-ended by the three-card monte game ushered in with Reagan and the lets-fiddle-while-Rome-burns ethic of the Bush-Cheney junta.

"Who do we hang out to dry," asked the sore losers. The answer for McCain insiders is that ultimate maverick, Sister Sarah, of course. The leaks from the McCain folks are classic trickle-down political economics; Sarah's a spendthrift! Diamonds on the soles of her shoes, she spends some poor wealthy conservative contributors dollars to dress herself and family to look decent standing next to Cindy McCain and all of those other beltway babes who I'm guessing recommended which personal shopper to use on her shopping trips to Neiman Marcus. The nerve!

Second leak: and she's a slut, too! Conducting life-or-death campaign business in nothin' but a towel, and with that useless dude of a husband just sitting around like he's watching Nailin' Paylin' in 3D. Egads! Let the monsoon flow: did you know that the "Wasilla hillbilly" didn't know that Africa was a continent? Do you think in her two-hour vetting process she should have mentioned that to McCain operatives? Yikes!

The breakin'-bad on Sister Sarah will continue, and we'll all relish in the sordid tidbits, until a more relevant political celebrity comes along to draw attention away from Sister Sarah (or we finally stop stuffing ourselves with fluff, roll up sleeves and get to cracking down on solving really big problems our nation and world face).

How can Governor Palin avoid her political obituary and redeem herself? Three words -- education, education, education. Get Smart ain't just a TV show. Become a true feminist, learn the real issues that face women beyond Wasilla. Sister Sarah is entitled to her opinion, but if she is to remain a respected member in public life, her P.O.V. must be thoughtful, and respectful of the opposing P.O.V. Take a public speaking course, 'cause Sister Sarah is god-awful at it. Very pretty she may be, but like a Domino's pizza -- looks good on the menu, but screw up the delivery and there's goes two bucks off the check. Sign up for a geography class -- I've got a feeling that it's not just Africa she may be blissfully ignorant about.

Best wishes to you, Sister Sarah. If you make it back down to these parts, I don't foresee the likes of me casting a vote your way -- too many ideological differences. But Marissa and a gaggle of other little American girls think you're "very pretty" -- and if you plan on being a public servant for them, they have a right to demand polish, intelligence and compassion from you. And you, Sister Sarah, deserved better than what you got from John McCain & Company. First they needed a savior, then they needed a patsy -- you filled both voids. Taking one for the team you've been kicked off of has got to be the ultimate insult -- but it's all on you to educate and protect yourself from your own familial switch blades.