Have you ever noticed extremely magnetic people? When they enter a room others can't take their eyes off them. What makes these people so powerful? Is it their looks? Is it what they are wearing? It's simple... confidence.
While looks and clothing can attract attention, the single most attractive feature anyone can have is self-love. Looks and clothes can only hold attention for a moment in this age of Instagram and short attention spans. Whatever you believe about yourself, others will believe. Your inner thoughts will shine outward in your eyes, smile and posture.
Thoughts carry electrical energy that others can actually feel. Has a friend ever crossed your mind and suddenly you received a call from him or her? Our thoughts send signals. My presence is very powerful because of the love I have for myself and others. But I was not always confident. Before I fell in love with myself I slumped my shoulders, held my head down and hid in shame. I felt powerless.
I carried the shame of sexual, physical and emotional abuse from childhood. The pattern of abusive relationships followed me into adulthood in my marriage, on jobs and in friendships. "I'm bad," "No one will love me," "I can't do it," was the incessant, intruding chatter that kept me stuck and distracted. So I shopped to quiet my inner critic. I wore designer clothes, decorated my house and bought a Mercedes Benz. I spent thousands of dollars, but money can't buy self-love. I still felt worthless and unlovable.
I lived a lie, the sexist script that was given me in childhood, "go to college, get married, have children and let your husband take care of you." But something wasn't working. I was born to be a leader. I felt helpless, unfulfilled, silenced. I had nightmares that I was crying out for help, but no one could hear me. So I let it all go. I took off all the masks, the clothes the career, the marriage, the house. And I found my true self. I fell deeply in love with her. I forgave my abusers. Finally, I was happy.
Six years later, in 2011 I got laid off from my job. I was at a crossroads. I could either get another job or pursue my dreams. I let the house go I had bought on my own, one of my shining moments of independence; all the bills that came with it, and moved back in with my parents. I became fearless. I had nothing to lose. When I became fearless, my alter ego Ashira surfaced. She is the superhero in a trilogy I wrote, the Ashira Series. In part one, Warrior of Love, Ashira sets out to save the world from human trafficking while battling inner struggles of codependency. I discovered my passion for writing.
Since I became my true self, I wrote two books and started two businesses. And I started a non-profit youth organization with no money and sheer determination. I became unstoppable. Now, I send a clear signal that I know who I am and what I want, and my desires flow to me effortlessly. My signal is focused and powerful. And you can do the same.
Here are the five steps I took to become magnetic:
1. Meditate on your positive qualities daily for 30 minutes. What helps you relax? Music, walks in nature, exercise, prayer? When you are relaxed your mind opens up to new information. List your positive qualities. For example: I am beautiful, powerful, wonderful, loved, creative, fun, unique. Meditate on your positive qualities first thing in the morning or right before you fall asleep at night for maximum focus and relaxation.
2. Love yourself. The words spoken to us in childhood stay with us throughout life. If you were criticized a lot, you may struggle with self-confidence and self-esteem. Well, no matter what lies you were told in childhood, it is time for you to take charge of your inner voice. Every day, look in the mirror, deep in your eyes and say, "I love you". Think about someone you love deeply and give that love to yourself. True love is unconditional and your first true love is YOU!
3. Accept your flaws. Do not hide your imperfections. Always be totally honest and transparent. Start by taking your make-up off for 30 days and let your true beauty shine. That takes gut! I challenge you to go 30 days without make-up. Go naked! This is the ultimate test of your confidence! Do you feel anxiety at the thought of exposing your true beauty to the world? It can be terrifying if you believe the image of beauty constantly plastered into your brain in popular media. Do you look at those false images and feel ugly or fat in comparison? DON'T! According to dosomething.org only fiver percent of women fit the image of beauty portrayed in the media. So, DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE! EVERY woman is beautiful. Never compare yourself to another woman. #GoNaked
4. Look into people's eyes when you talk to them and walk with your head up and shoulders straight. It may help to think about your list of positive qualities or repeat them silently like a mantra when you are talking to people. They will feel your positive thoughts and respond positively to you.
5. Shine! Be kind to yourself and others. Respect yourself and others. Smile! Happiness is attractive! Always be true to yourself. Nothing compares to an original.
Follow these steps and you will soon fill the room with your wonderful, beautiful, powerful presence. Remember, true beauty is not about how you look. It's who you are! You are beautiful!
If you struggle with low self-esteem it may be difficult to invest in self-care. Often women sacrifice our identity and dreams for our mates and our children. Are you still figuring out who you are and what you want? Start loving yourself by getting a coach to help you discover the power of self-love.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-656-HOPE for the National Sexual Assault Hotline.