What Is This Thing Called Forgiveness?

The nation looks on in horror at the interminable orgy of true confessions from Governor Sanford -- voluntarily decimating his political career by bogarting a spotlight rightfully passed to recently departed celebrities. Any psychologically aware person must ask: Why?

Were the constraints of being in a suffocatingly correct marriage so painful that poor Governor Sanford had to process his feelings with the only safe people he knew -- reporters and the press?

Hello, hadn't he ever heard of psychotherapy? Counseling? That's what it's for.

Do they offer that South of the Mason-Dixon Line? I hope so for his sake.

Because it's clear that getting down on his knees with his spiritual advisor and his wife wasn't cutting it. It was just not soothing the wounded beast within. In fact, it was making the wounded beast crazier. So what would a bona fide marital therapist do with this hapless pair?

Let's imagine.

So you know, Governor and Mrs. Sanford, let's talk about it, shall we? How are you feeling?

Saved in Christ? Good, that's good. But how are you really feeling?

So, Governor, I'm not sure about your priorities and intentions here. Are you trying to save your marriage? Your political career? Or are you setting yourself up for a juicy book deal?

While you contemplate that, Governor, Mrs. Sanford, let me ask you a few questions.

Have you forgiven your husband? Have you really forgiven him? I mean really?

Or is this one of those special kinds of forgiveness.

First, let me say that there is such a thing as genuine forgiveness.

And then there is the, ahem, "mixed agenda" kind -- the I "forgive you for my own sake not for yours because I don't want to carry your sorry ass around any more in my psyche" kind.

Then, there's the "I'm better than you because I forgave you, but all my forgiveness will not wash away your sins, you SOB" kind of forgiveness.

And there is the forgiveness of manipulation -- "Well, I forgave you. So you're not wiggling out of this to go be with your Latin sweetie, and you'll have to be the one that gets to look bad by asking for a divorce from the long suffering mother of your children. How's that for payback, my husband, the governor?"

So which kind of forgiveness, is it, Mrs. Sanford?

You don't know. But you've forgiven him and will keep on forgiving him.

You know, I'm going to make a referral. Maybe the two of you should try a different religion, one where you could go to confession and never get a divorce. At least it would be private.

What was that, Governor? Oh, you'd rather take the book deal.

Comments

[FloresdelaHoz]

They have known each other for 8 years. This is a love story, no different than Price Charles and Camila. Can one enjoy life without love?

[smoovejef]

Mark Sanford wants what we all celebrate on this 4th of July: FREEDOM. When you refer to someone as your 'soulmate', that says something very significant. It speaks to a connection that is deep within you to another, signifying that this person and you are, in fact, as one. I personally don't know of anyone who would be willing to cut ties with a soulmate. If Gov. Sanford can truly accomplish this, it would mean that his using the term is just another lie in a string of lies. I know for me, if there is a person who I identify with as a soulmate, nothing and no one would keep me from them. Excerpts from the emails gave the appearance that 'Maria' felt pretty much the same about Mark Sanford. I have been in the position Gov. Sanford finds himself in; not being able to give the love you feel for another to the person you are married to. If I could speak to him, politics aside, I would tell him this: Let your wife go. Set her free. You will never make her happy or fulfilled knowing your feelings for someone else are so much stronger. You are clearly very much in love with Maria. Give your wife the opportunity to be able to find that same love herself. Let her find her 'soulmate'. The two of you are obviously not happy together, and your children can see it. Stop fooling each other, and move on.

[dessertsfirst]

The Governor really wants his cake and eat it too...
He wants the trophy wife and kids, and he wants his soul mate the latin lover...
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way....
One must choose.... perhaps he should ask John Edwards how that is working out for him????

[tapeatsbill]

True forgiveness frees both parties. It frees you to be able to "give as before." To fore-give.

True forgiveness is a real miracle that, if lucky, we are able to perform. Forgiveness enabled me to be free from the resentment and anger of my wife walking away. It allowed me to be free to love again.

It took me a couple years to do this. Maybe I'm a slow learner and Mrs. Sanford can do it more quickly. Maybe. Hope she can do the miracle for her sake and whether they stay together or not.

Peace on ya Alison.

[checkyourpremises]

But what would forgiveness that frees both parties look like? I'm confused! How could anything Jenny Sanford says or does or feels free Mark from ridding himself of his own demons? That's his work, not hers, isnt' it? The kind of forgiveness that would free both parties sounds theological, like an act of God, and seems hubristic to me.

[tapeatsbill]

You are right of course, each has to do their own work.

If people truly foregive each other you can give as before.
In my case I am free of anger and resentment when I
think about my ex. Not having those tow emotions
dominate my waking thoughts sure feels nice.

[liftitup]

I'm confused! What would true forgiveness"-- the kind that frees both parties --mean? How can anything Jenny Sanders does or feels or says free Mark Sanders from dealing with his own demons? Who can bestow that?