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Allie Hagan

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Suri's Burn Book

Posted: 09/06/2012 2:50 am

On my blog, Suri's Burn Book (and in its print form), I portray Suri Cruise as a take-no-prisoners perfectionist, like Anna Wintour in miniature. (Call it "The Devil Wears Bonpoint"). It's easy to imagine her this way when we see her heading to a late-night New York dinner in kitten heels and Marc Jacobs. But in the wake of the dissolution of the once-mighty Holmes-Cruise empire, many people -- and especially me -- are reimagining the realities of Suri's young life.

Even though the TomKat split felt out of the blue for everyone (apparently even Tom), there had been rumors of trouble in paradise for a while. I always chose to ignore them, fearing that scandal or divorce would make the silliness of Suri's Burn Book stop being fun, for me and for readers. Earlier this year, I was near panic when Katie didn't walk the Oscars red carpet with her husband, who was presenting Best Picture. (What else could Katie possibly have had going on? A Razzies after party with the cast of Jack and Jill?) I breathed a huge sigh of relief when she showed up for the Vanity Fair party and did this.

When news of the split broke, I was selfishly terrified. Suri's Burn Book is frivolous and sarcastic -- two words I wouldn't want to associate with the actual struggles that kids face. I didn't write about Mariah Carey's twins during Nick Cannon's health scare, and I don't write about Heidi and Seal's kids nearly as often as I did before the breakup. I feel like I'm still getting over that heartbreak, and I don't live with them.

Up until this summer, it had been hard not to see Suri as an indulged primadonna, doted on by her extremely privileged family and the media alike. It's what made her the obvious choice when I decided to write my blog about celebrity children from the perspective of one of their own. But for every photo of her rolling her eyes at her mom, there are many more of them smiling together. She is obviously a much-loved little girl. I just generally don't use the photos of her where she's behaving in a way that's antithetical to the character I pretend she is: being koala-carried by her mom, wearing flip-flops, picking her nose. (Google it -- she's a chronic nose-picker.) After her parents' split, I had to wonder if it was fair to keep posting pictures of her at all. Despite the way the media and her own parents present her, she's a 6-year-old girl who is now going through something really hard. I can't imagine how I would feel if my parents split up now, let alone when I was 6.

When she threw a temper tantrum over a puppy at a pet store, was she being an entitled brat or acting out in a rough period of time?

When she demands that Katie carries her, is she being petulant and lazy or is her heart heavy and she's too overwhelmed to look at the paparazzi?

When Tom whisks her away to the Hamptons by helicopter and to Disney World by private jet, is he making the most of his limited time with his daughter or is he putting on a show for the media -- with the world's cutest prop?

Like many curious outsiders, I have these questions swirling around in my brain. For the most part, I've chosen not to post these pictures at all. Mostly, it's because my version of Suri would never admit to clinging to Katie or smiling lovingly at Tom, whom she sees as the two most embarrassing humans on the planet. It's business as usual from where I sit: Tom will continue to be a loathsome troll, Katie an unkempt disaster, and the rest of the celebrity offspring a tremendous disappointment to my heroine. But there's a twinge of sadness there that I don't want to poke at -- the possibility that Suri is losing her mind not because she's a drama queen who just spilled her ice cream, but because her life is complicated and evolving right now. (Those pet store pout pics were hard to pass up, though.)

 
 
 
FOLLOW DIVORCE
On my blog, Suri's Burn Book (and in its print form), I portray Suri Cruise as a take-no-prisoners perfectionist, like Anna Wintour in miniature. (Call it "The Devil Wears Bonpoint"). It's easy to ima...
On my blog, Suri's Burn Book (and in its print form), I portray Suri Cruise as a take-no-prisoners perfectionist, like Anna Wintour in miniature. (Call it "The Devil Wears Bonpoint"). It's easy to ima...
 
 
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09:04 PM on 09/14/2012
If my mother had done that to me when I was 6 years old and right before starting first grade, I would've ran to the nearest train station and jumped on the one headed back to California, then had the train conductor phone my Daddy in California.
My mother wouldn't have of course but I feel so sorry for Suri, Tom is the apple of her eye, and to be taken away from him to live in NY is too tragic for a little 6 yr old about to start her first grade!
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mikelookup
"it ain't over till it's over"
11:19 AM on 09/10/2012
Tom Cruise spending money on chartered helicopters and jets to travel is like most people forking up for a subway ride.
09:38 AM on 09/10/2012
Suri is a sweet child traumatized by the intrusive media and her dad's disturbing non-parenting 'skills'. Thank goodness Katie took her out of designer clothes, puts her to bed at 8 and doesnt give her anything she wants. Despite cruel comments by mean people, she is doing the best she can to raise Suri in an actor's world. That precious child didnt even have friends when her parents were together because of Tom's moronic "Lyintology' beliefs. Now she has friends, and is in a school away from that stupid cult. However the danger from Tom and his sisters is still looming and poor Suri is still a target. Her dad needs to be deprogrammed from that occultic brainwashing.
08:15 AM on 09/10/2012
When my husband decided he didn't want to any more, my children were 2 and 8. I am working class all the way and I found myself trying to overcompensate. I would not be surprised if her family is the same BUT with a substancilly larger budget. They will have to be very careful or they are going to have an entilted brat on their hands. I hate divorce (some exceptions) and seeing any family torn apart - I don't care how hard we try to play normal children are not stupid but there is a difference in loving them through it and spoiling them.
10:00 PM on 09/09/2012
Suri's divorce heartache is no less traumatic than it is for any other six year old--boy or girl--who is facing the reality of living between two homes and two sets of rules and two different lifestyles.

However, it's about time the little princess gets a bit of a reality check. She's overindulged--loved or not. If she grows up to be a level-headed productive citizen, it will be nothing short of a miracle.
12:43 PM on 09/10/2012
Well, if Tom has his way and she is raised as a Scientologist, she will have a lot more problems than being overindulged.
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Valerie1013
09:43 PM on 09/09/2012
Just read a bit of your blog about Suri. You are a nasty woman.
08:37 AM on 09/10/2012
You nailed it!! Who is this woman to write about kids she's never met? I didn't even read all of the "blog" This woman needs to get a life for herself!
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katjan68
09:15 PM on 09/09/2012
Someone has a little too much time on their hands. Suri is a typical six year old who is constantly hounded by the press, and I find it completely normal that from time to time she has a melt down. What I don't agree with are the heels and make up at the age of six.
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SallyWi
08:37 PM on 09/09/2012
Allie, Allie, Allie - hmmm. Methinks you are waaay to interested in Suri Cruise!!!!! Stop pestering children. Write something intelligent for a change. Your infatuation with Suri is almost wierd.
08:31 PM on 09/09/2012
Dont you have anything better to write about than that of a 6 year old kid? Why all the facination with celebs kids anyways?
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debbydrutz
Tiffany the Dalmatian in her Old Navy jacket!
08:28 PM on 09/09/2012
I don't know about you, but I got way many other issues to be concered about than Suri Cruise!
NEXT SUBJECT..............
07:35 PM on 09/09/2012
Is there a real reason anyone needs to know, besides her parents? Stupid media! Might as well ask how long your lawn grew overnight! Must be a SLOW news day.
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JoGo3338
06:57 PM on 09/09/2012
A reality check..many, many kids have tantrums in petshops..many kids want to be carried..this is what a kid does..whether it is a regular kid from Brooklyn, or the daughter of two superstars..I don't get what this article means..I think Allie Hagan just likes seeing her own words in print and doesn't care whether they are about reality or figments of her active imagination. Articles like this are shameful..this is a little girl being written about like a fictional character..whether the parents are like the kind of parents we find acceptable or not, this kid loves them and they love her..so stop making up crap..enough is enough.
09:13 AM on 09/12/2012
I think it's clear that Allie Hagan doesn't have a child of her own. If she did, she would never target another child no matter how famous her parents are. Bratty celebrity kids are fair game but not at the age of six. Wait until they're 16.
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JC2009USA
Everybody has an opinion
06:55 PM on 09/09/2012
Ms. Allie Hagan: I am ashamed to be called a writer/author if it means I would have to be classified as such and have to stand next to you. Your article isn't funny, it's not witty or humorous...it is a very sad day when anyone writes about a child...a celeb child or the child next door...all children should be off limits...you don't know her, you don't know what goes on in her head or her heart...you don't know what her fears or her joys are and you don't know what makes her happy or sad...your speculation is offensive.

With a million subjects for a writer or author to cover in this world and you pick a 6 year old girl that lives her life in the "world fish bowl" without choice is WRONG...just WRONG.

I won't be buying your book and hope that others follow suit...no child should be exploited and if your subject wasn't Suri Cruise...but Billy next door you wouldn't be selling any books...you are capitalizing on this childs name and her life for your own gain...how very sad.
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I Ride My Own Harley
A woman rolling solo & free.
12:17 AM on 09/10/2012
Huh....well, you certainly thru your micro-bio out there.
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sheryllynne1
06:38 PM on 09/09/2012
She is a 6 year child who didn't ask to be born into this world or family!! Leave her alone, all she knows is how to be 6 years old, no understanding of the word DIVORCE , except to say, she knows daddy went away. I do believe Kat will raise her with as much normalcy as possible, meanwhile she'll have to fight with a showoff, impress everybody kind of dad, who will attempt to cover his guilt by over-spending and buying this precious little girl!
05:53 PM on 09/09/2012
Some day, Suri is gonna watch an episode of Star Trek and think it's old family home movies.
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jeagle653
Ideas are bulletproof
09:21 PM on 09/09/2012
LOL