Where I grew up, in the buckle of the Bible Belt, sex, when it was discussed at all, was presented as something to be feared -- it bred diseases and unwanted babies. I got my first inklings of what sex actually involved not in a classroom but rather from
rumors spread by girlfriends in the bathroom at sleep-away camp. My first classroom sex talk was a "beware the period" lecture that took place after the boys were safely removed to play kickball. In high school, my teacher -- Ski Slope Barbie's doppelganger, resplendent in metallic sweats -- gesticulated toward a plastic skeleton's (nonexistent) vagina. She meekly presented the alarming facts about diseases, unwanted pregnancies and AIDS, for which my state had some of the highest rates in the country.
If there's one thing women share, it's proverbial horror stories of early sexual discovery -- in classrooms, bathrooms or late night sleepover conversations. Which is why New York State's recent mandate that sex education in public schools include birth control methodologies and advice about when to become sexual be rolled into a mixed-gender health class is a good thing.
There is every indication that people who have sex education are better adjusted sexually," said Professor of Anthropology at Rutgets, Dr. Helen Fisher when I called to ask her about it. The new law puts New York leagues ahead of states like Georgia, which prioritizes abstinence and does not require contraception, and Montana, which requires no sex education at all.
But the difficulty we've had establishing informative, effective, non-cringe-worthy sex education in the U.S., and the bad experiences so many of us had with sex ed, raise a larger question: How does sex education shape how and if women become healthy sexual beings?
First of All, It's Not 'Organ Recital'
Fisher said students years ago nicknamed sterile, fact-based sex education "organ recital." She sympathized with them -- it becomes easy to disconnect from a subject taught in a boring way. Under this umbrella can also fall abstinence-based education and the oodles of evidence proving that just teaching teens to avoid sex not only doesn't prevent them from having sex but also could put them at an increased risk. Rates of unwanted pregnancy and STDs are higher among groups who are only taught not to have sex. When sex ed does lead women to delay sexual experience, Fisher points out, they often engage impulsively later without protection or knowledge.
In other words, limiting resources and only pointing to body parts on a chart or diagram are not ways to produce sexually empowered women. Instead, they lead to women who are misinformed, or just bored. Director of The Medical Center for Female Sexuality in New York, Bat Sheva Marcus eschews, "Reproduction-and-How-Not-To-Get-Pregnant Education," in favor of a tender approach that includes -- wait for it -- how to have sex in the first place. Now that is interesting. She employs the analogy of breastfeeding, an activity that is natural and difficult, and one women must learn how to perform. The same goes for sex, she says. Marcus champions giving women a road map to demystify the sexual experience, and then encouraging them toward informed.
Learn How to Say No -- And Yes
It can take a lifetime to learn how to choose sex with the right person, but it's important to encourage young women in that process. "Not telling you that you should or shouldn't," she said. "Simply telling you how to handle what goes on, emotionally, physically, spiritually and how to handle parents and pressure." Sex ed should also help teens handle those difficult, uncomfortable conversations with parents about sex. Fisher said that young women should learn how to manage persistent boyfriends' unwanted advances, and also, how to say yes. Good sex ed also teaches women that they can consent to or refuse birth control methods, said Fisher. As men and women age, they are more likely to use female methods -- pills, IUDs, diaphragms -- than male ones, like condoms. When they reach their late 20s, 44% of women and 45% men exclusively use female methods of birth control, according to data from the Guttmacher Institute. Fisher stresses that women telling partners what they want should not be limited to pleasure, but also when setting ground rules.
It's All About The Teacher
Remember Ski Slope Barbie, my sex education teacher? "As a teacher, you teach things your way and 90% of communication is nonverbal," said Fisher. Especially when it comes to instructing students on the basics (and later, finer points) of sex, the teacher's body language and confidence are incredibly important. My teacher was afraid and unsure, which suggested that sex was something to be afraid of and unsure about.
Sex is Fun!
At any point in your own sex education, did anyone mention that sex usually is, and should be, a good time -- and good for you? For many of us, the answer is no, and this is information young women deserve to have, said Fisher. There's a reason it evolved as a good experience," she said, before listing the many physiological benefits of sex: It reduces stress, boosts the immune system, is quality exercise and drives up dopamine (the pleasure chemical) in the brain. Informing young women of the physiological benefits of the sexual experience may alleviate some of the emotional, social and moral pressures and fear of the unknown. All of which can lead to a much more fulfilling, empowered sex life later on.
Delaine Moore: Would You Rather Read a Book or Have Sex?: A Poll for Wives
SO the rules ARE true and right. For the people who chose to not believe in God, try reading some of it as a basic rules for safe living.
for you women ever have a severe pelvic infection, or men have to carry your significant other in to doctor like a medicine ball,,, I did. Poor girl was in severe distress, her previous lover was not well versed in hygiene.
Now as for sex education, its too bad the parents WONT teach their kids anymore but then the liberal teardown artists have made a mockery of schooling, rather than teach thinking, reading , writing and history(so they dont make same mistakes as in past) they want to teach socialism.
If you treat a teenager with certain respect like they are moving into young adulthood then teach them EVERYTHING, including all of the issues with promiscuous sex and diseases. Google diseases caused by homosexuality, the facts are scarey !
MORE and better detailed education, no matter WHAT the subject is NEVER a bad thing (though age will be a part of how much detail, irregardless of subject).
It is amazing how homophobia always ends up looking exactly like racism. In the early 1900's people swore that it was Eastern Europeans, Italians and Jews bringing disease into America. Since the beginning of black slavery Americans swore that black people were dirty people who shouldn't be allowed into the same waters as white people because they spread disease. Now, apparently, disease is actually caused by homosexuality (how is that even biologically possible - sex can transmit but not cause a disease. Are there websites claiming that gay people give birth to virus and bacteria? That thought is ridiculous). I guess we always want to point the finger and blame society's problems on others and there will always be some group who largely doesn't control the media who has to sit back and take it.
Here's what we know, children from abstinence only education including the young people who wear promise rings) are equally as likely as their counterparts to have sex before marriage, but they are far less likely to have safe sex. That's a problem and is a good picture of what it looked like in the (ever glorified) 1950's, when teenage pregnancy was so ridiculously high. Countries with more permissive (and as I see it healthy and less sexist) sexual attitudes have FAR lower rates of HIV, STIs and teen pregnancy. Their children also initiate sex later and are more likely to state love as the reason for first sex. Having healthy, open discussions about the facts about sexuality is seeming more effective.
Here's a fact, the #1 way in which women globally are exposed to HIV is within their marriage. Marriage isn't magic. But a condom is 98% effective when used correctly.
let's not 'stifle the Truth', but promote prayer n discernment in these and all matters, that's the True and Right Way to go! Amen
KTHXBAI
www.myrelationshipcenter.org
Respectfully submitted,
Joneen Mackenzie RN
I think it is important to respect yourself and your partner, and the best way to show that respect is with protection. And never sleep with someone you don't respect and who doesn't respect you.
Thanks for making me smile.
:)
I think high quality sex education is so important. Not only does it ensure safe practices, but it allows young people to make good decisions about whether or not to have sex, decisions that they are less likely to regret later in life, and to have more positive first encounters with sex.
Same here
Funny how that works (even in a catholic school)