Geraldine Ferraro: Personal Lessons from Another Parentless Parent

Geraldine Ferraro taught me that nobody ever completely moves on from losing his or her parents, not even she, a political icon.
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I had the great pleasure of knowing Geraldine Ferraro during the writing of my book "Always Too Soon." She was exceptionally generous with me, and she never wavered in her enthusiasm for my project. In the most personal way imaginable, her outlook changed my life. This is my tribute to her.

Geraldine Ferraro once told me that if her father hadn't died when she was 8 years old, I never would have heard of her. She would probably have stayed in Newburgh, N.Y., where she grew up, and married somebody from West Point. With her affection for ironing and keeping house, she never would have imagined becoming a prosecutor or a congresswoman, and she certainly never would have run for Vice President of the United States.

But die he did, right after she woke up one morning and walked into her parents' bedroom. As if the fatal heart attack had happened yesterday, Geraldine Ferraro was able to recall nearly every detail of what happened that day when I sat down in her office a few years ago to interview her for my book "Always Too Soon": how she and her father had locked eyes when she walked into the room, how her mother had been right by his side, and how she only stopped staring at her dying father when her mother ordered her to leave the room.

For a long time, Geraldine Ferraro thought she caused her father's death. Her dad always enjoyed giving her piggyback rides, and after he passed away she overheard her mother saying that if she had only known about his heart condition, she never would have let him carry her upstairs. Geraldine Ferraro began thinking of herself as the kid without a father. Being fatherless defined her. It's part of how she thought of herself as a girl, and later as a mother and grandmother.

Losing a parent is hard at any age. I lost both my parents by the time I was 31, and have long felt cheated, particularly because my children don't have my parents as grandparents. What makes missing my parents even harder is that sometimes I'm pressed to stop missing them as much as I do. Well-meaning friends and family seem to think there should be an expiration date on grief.

But Geraldine Ferraro taught me that nobody ever completely moves on from losing his or her parents, not even she, a political icon. She even told me it was her father she was thinking about when she got the nomination to be Vice President of the United States. "He would have been stunned and proud," she reflected.

Even at the highest point in her career, Geraldine Ferraro missed her dad. She longed for him, even while realizing that it was because he died that she became the woman we all knew.

Geraldine Ferraro, the trailblazer, taught the nation that women play politics just as hard as men. But it was Geraldine Ferraro, the parentless parent, who taught me that missing my mom and dad is normal, has made me stronger, and brought its own set of unanticipated rewards. Her lessons have been especially helpful when all I've wanted to do since becoming a published author who writes about the loss of my parents is share news of my biggest accomplishments with my mom and dad.

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