Pellicano Begins to Question First and Only Witness

04/19/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

As Mr. Pellicano approached the podium to question his first witness, he seemed excited to get started. Standing at the podium, the Judge had to instruct Mr. Pellicano that before he could get started, he needed to actually call a witness. "Right," Mr. Pellicano said with deference, calling government computer analyst Dan Schmidt. And then, Mr. Pellicano proceeded to slowly torture Mr. Schmidt with a detailed line of questioning specifically calculated to allow Mr. Pellicano to demonstrate his own mastery of computer technology. Even after having tremendous difficulty trying to introduce the analyst's report, Mr. Pellicano marched confidently back to the podium, taking a moment to wink in the direction of his family. Mr. Pellicano took every opportunity to approach the Judge, despite her clear indication that she'd prefer that he stay behind his podium, far, far away from her. The odd thing is that Mr. Pellicano's confidence seemed to grow despite having many of Mr. Saunder's objections to the detective's questions sustained and despite the fact that he seemed to elicit absolutely no important testimony from his one and old witness. Mr. Pellicano strutted around the courtroom, completely oblivious to the fact that he didn't know what the hell he was doing.

Meanwhile, Mr. Saunders successfully objected to most of Mr. Pellicano's questions without even breaking a sweat. Meanwhile, Chad Hummel waited to start his defense of Mark Arneson, winning two important motions before the jury was seated this morning. The Judge ruled that she'd allow Mr. Hummel to ask Mr. Arneson about his state of mind when doing the many computer runs that have been introduced into evidence. Mr. Hummel argued that Mr. Arneson would testify to not being aware that providing Mr. Pellicano with the runs was egregious illegal conduct and that he was under the impression that he was providing honest services for the City of Los Angeles. Mr. Arneson would be allowed to testify..

Given the glacial pace of Mr. Pellicano's direct testimony (not to mention the hideously dry content of talking about computers for hours at a time), one has to wonder how much longer the Judge will be able to resist the urge to jump over her bench and strangle Mr. Pellicano. Then, there's the whole problem of Mr. Pellicano's inability to hear--due to an ear infection. Besides having to watch Mr. Pellicano slowly learning the rules of evidence, the Judge has now become an interpreter. Whenever Pellicano tells the witness he can't hear, the Judge repeats the witness' answer. It's as if she's doing a speaking version of a sign language interpreter. "How many reports did you do?" Pellicano will ask the witness. "I didn't hear you." The Judge tiredly rubbed her face. "He said at least two," the Judge screamed in response.