THE BLOG
12/18/2012 07:09 pm ET | Updated Feb 02, 2016

The Gayest Christmas Song Ever

The Twelve Gays of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
A vagina ornament for the tree.

On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Two turkey basters
And a vagina ornament for the tree.

On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Three French bulldogs,
Two turkey basters
And a vagina ornament for the tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Four Coors Lights,
Three French bulldogs,
Two turkey basters
And a vagina ornament for the tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Five locally manufactured, LGBT-friendly-small-business-owned, tasteful-and-not-too-flashy, matching, domestic-partners-until-gay-marriage-is-legal-federally rings,
Four Coors Lights,
Three French bulldogs,
Two turkey basters
And a vagina ornament for the tree.

[Wait, it gets gayer.]

On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Six pairs of boi briefs,
Five locally manufactured, LGBT-friendly-small-business-owned, tasteful-and-not-too-flashy, matching, domestic-partners-until-gay-marriage-is-legal-federally rings,
Four Coors Lights,
Three French bulldogs,
Two turkey basters
And a vagina ornament for the tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Seven shirts of flannel,
Six pairs of boi briefs,
Five locally manufactured, LGBT-friendly-small-business-owned, tasteful-and-not-too-flashy, matching, domestic-partners-until-gay-marriage-is-legal-federally rings,
Four Coors Lights,
Three French bulldogs,
Two turkey basters
And a vagina ornament for the tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Eight cats a-purring,
Seven shirts of flannel,
Six pairs of boi briefs,
Five locally manufactured, LGBT-friendly-small-business-owned, tasteful-and-not-too-flashy, matching, domestic-partners-until-gay-marriage-is-legal-federally rings,
Four Coors Lights,
Three French bulldogs,
Two turkey basters
And a vagina ornament for the tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Nine nights of cuddling,
Eight cats a-purring,
Seven shirts of flannel,
Six pairs of boi briefs,
Five locally manufactured, LGBT-friendly-small-business-owned, tasteful-and-not-too-flashy, matching, domestic-partners-until-gay-marriage-is-legal-federally rings,
Four Coors Lights,
Three French bulldogs,
Two turkey basters
And a vagina ornament for the tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Ten cards for exes,
Nine nights of cuddling,
Eight cats a-purring,
Seven shirts of flannel,
Six pairs of boi briefs,
Five locally manufactured, LGBT-friendly-small-business-owned, tasteful-and-not-too-flashy, matching, domestic-partners-until-gay-marriage-is-legal-federally rings,
Four Coors Lights,
Three French bulldogs,
Two turkey basters
And a vagina ornament for the tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Eleven potluck parties,
Ten cards for exes,
Nine nights of cuddling,
Eight cats a-purring,
Seven shirts of flannel,
Six pairs of boi briefs,
Five locally manufactured, LGBT-friendly-small-business-owned, tasteful-and-not-too-flashy, matching, domestic-partners-until-gay-marriage-is-legal-federally rings,
Four Coors Lights,
Three French bulldogs,
Two turkey basters
And a vagina ornament for the tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Twelve extra batteries,
Eleven potluck parties,
Ten cards for exes,
Nine nights of cuddling,
Eight cats a-purring,
Seven shirts of flannel,
Six pairs of boi briefs,
Five locally manufactured, LGBT-friendly-small-business-owned, tasteful-and-not-too-flashy, matching, domestic-partners-until-gay-marriage-is-legal-federally rings,
Four Coors Lights,
Three French bulldogs,
Two turkey basters
And a vagina ornament for the tree.