Republican Elephant Gives Birth to Healthy Baby Boy

This is how bad things are in the Republican Party. The following 3-minute clip from 13-year-old Jonathan Krohn is considered the "highlight" of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC.) That's right, this whining, vaguely condescending stump speech (complete with funny voices) from a child is the highlight of CPAC.

Don't get me wrong, Jonathan has exceptional stage presence, and wrote a good speech about the so-called moral righteousness of the Republican party. I don't really want to pick on Jonathan here. Who I really want to tear apart is the Republican party.

Really, guys? THIS is the best you can do? Things must be really bad over there in Republicanland if you're putting all your Hope Eggs in the basket of a child, even though he is very brainwashed well-trained intelligent. You know he won't be able to run for president for another twenty-two years, right?

It is very appropriate that the Republicans are now turning to a wunderkind as their messianic leader. They already tried an old, white dude, a woman, and not one (but TWO!) men of color, and nothing has reversed the course of their party's renegade locomotive from speeding toward that cliff. It's almost like their ideology of deregulation and fucking the poor is, like, not working or something.

Quick, THROW THE KID UP THERE! I'M THINKING! WHY AM I THINKING?! Put him in a little suit!!!

Watching Jonathan do his thing up there, I couldn't help but feel deeply satisfied. It was like someone had ripped open William Kristol, Rush Limbaugh, or Newt Gingrich, and the screaming, petulant child that lives inside streaked out. The Republican party has finally become a living metaphor of itself: a lost, little boy, who thinks he's a cowboy, and who really believes a society can be built upon an ideology of selfishness.

I saw Jonathan's CPAC debut as more than a pageant. I felt like I was watching the Republican elephant give birth to the culmination of all its years of irresponsibility, greed, immorality, and pathetic tough-guy grandstanding.

Here he is, Republicans. Your new, baby boy:

I can already hear the curmudgeons out there saying children should not be fair game for ridicule. First of all, Jonathan Krohn is not trolling the internet to see if mean bloggers are badmouthing him. Jonathan Krohn is somewhere fighting a welfare queen for Jesus and Ronald Reagan.

And second, if we're not allowed to make fun of children, then no one could talk about Bill O'Reilly, so toss that attitude out the window, Sirs and Madams.

Cross-posted from allisonkilkenny.com. Also available on Twitter.

Comments

[Dewdaroo]

You guys don't seem to get it, do you? This kid is a bright spot in our future. CONSERVATISM is about personal responsibility. I am NOT a Repub...nor a Socialist Demo.

FACT: When people make stupid choices that screw up their lives, why is it MY responsibility to 'bail them out'? Until people have to deal with the 'pain' of consequence, they will keep making the same stupid choices.
It's apparent you guys are still drunk from the 'kool-aid' you've been drinking. The 'leftist' philosophy only enslaves people. The rightist philosophy needlessly condemns people. Until we, as a nation, take ownership of our actions...WE ARE DONE

[Maria Alvarellos]

1. respect for the constitution- like illegal wiretaps?
2. respect for life- like starting war on a country without reason? like forcing children to be born to being abandoned?
3. less government- like letting private entities control our well-being such as those on wall-street?
4. personal responsibility- like letting a president get elected, twice, that was guilty of facilitating 1,2,3?

What is so great about "conservatism" for its own sake? The idea of "conserving" something means not wanting it to change. What is so fantastic about not changing if the world around you changes? Have we learned nothing from history? The idea of changing for its own sake is just as ridiculous except the changes that liberals have been responsible for are something worth backing in many instances.

[StillMadMatt]

Go play baseball or something for christsakes.

[PLUMPLUM]

Which Republican elephant are you talking about? Is it Limbaugh? Ha, ha.

[Topsailsman]

Just another example of religious fundamentalism, remember Marjoe Gortner, child evangelist? Mom and Dad be@t him when he didn't memorize his sermons.

Tent show revivals. Brother Loves traveling salvation show.

[sloppyJoe]

Come on, now. You can't blame the Repubs for trying! They've been critisized for being a party of old white men, so they tried to up their image with the likes of Palin the wonder woman, Steele the token black, and this little healthy injection of youth. Throw in Joe the plumber to counter the image of big business getting their Bush-y tax breaks and you got yourself a whole new face of the Republican party. All they need now is to work a gay guy in the ranks there somewhere.

[dutt]

Jonathan Krohn delivered a good speech. I'm still not convinced however that he's anything more than a talented performer. I'm sorry for being skeptical but we too often create myths around people because the truth just isn't good enough, especially when we have an agenda to push. We find it necessary to use a little artistic license to make a good story a remarkable one. Remember Jessica Lynch? Jonathan Krohn's story smells fishy, it's a little too perfectly crafted. It's all theater and we're being manipulated.

[Cogitoe]

What part of his 4 core principals relates to a belief in a society built upon an ideology of selfishness?
Can't be respect for the Constitution or life, so that would leave less government or personal responsibility. But, wasn't the U.S. in fact built on those very principals? Didn't big government and social programs come much later? Perhaps our nation was born out of selfishness and only recently has become enlightened, but surely we can forgive our freedom loving founders for placing personal liberty and the personal responsibility that goes with it ahead of the helping hand of big government.

[Cogitoe]

I agree totally, but I do recall complaints from Democrats over far gentler treatment of Chelsea when stumping for her mother. A little consistency would be appreciated.

[KillTheMessenger]

You do realize that Clinton lost, right?

[dutt]

Far gentler treatment of Chelsea? You're kidding right?

[jqcitizen]

This young man has an obvious talent. I just hope he is not being put forth, in political manner, like Hal Roach did with the kids in the "Our Gang" comedy{?} movies, for profit.

[Trustbutverify]

He does have passion for our Country, and I am suprised that your statement about being put forth in political manner, as I did not hear any one from the democratic party complain about the kids video being for President Obama, or the kids in school be subjected by a teacher to criticism because they were not for President Obama.

This young boy, has stated that he persued is own agenda on this issue, maybe his parents encouraged a talent like most parents do.

[jqcitizen]

Trustbutverify-

My statement was a sincere HOPE that he was NOT being exploited for political purposes.

If I seemed to accuse someone of wrongdoing I apologize.

[McBushMcSame]

Funny how his own agenda sounds like Rush and Rove GOP taking points.

[viewfromuphere]

as far as this young man being off limits...uh sorry...he was put on a political stage as some sort of spokesperson for in this case , the Republicans.. so no there is no pass or quarter given beyond basic good manners.

if thirteen year old gymnasts and figure skaters can hold up to scrutiny...this kid can...and if he can't get out of the kitchen as the saying goes.

[unfiltered]

at some point, the boy will think for himself and grow beyond being his parents puppet.

in 10 years, we need a "Where Are They Now" segment on the "wunderkind."

[macohmz]

The Republicans are alway crowing about "principles" they've never had.

[CalBearinIllinois]

The kid's bio (from the site his folks put up for his book) speaks volumes - he's not just home schooled, but he's been on stage since 8 (and they even make a big deal about getting callbacks, which is a good sign of stage parenting run amok), and they praise his taking up the cello, of all things, at 4. It also talks about his obsession with conservative talk radio (I'm guessing Top 40 was banned in the house as a bad influence):

http://www.defineconservatism.com/index.php/authorsbio

This is just creepy. I hope when he goes to college its not somewhere sheltered like Regent U, but some big school where people might just pass him a spliff or a beer and get him to open his mind a little bit.

[Trustbutverify]

Why do you spew such anger at this kid? Is it possible that his parents are showing support for a talent that has erupted, a talent for speaking, or a talent for having insight at such a young age? Home schooled children are educated at higher levels that public school children, they interact with other children, the have all the benefits of public school children, but their day is structured that they have more time to pursue other talents, such as sports, arts, music, volunteering in their community. I know because I home schooled my youngest son and the only regrets I have is that I did not provide it for my other three sons.

[MJinCanada]

It all depends on whether they get an education or brainwashing.

[KillTheMessenger]

I have, yet, to meet a single home school kid capable of basic logical thinking. I have met some pretty outrageous examples of nuts, though.

[EducatedObserver]

It would seem to me that the ability to be eloquent - and current examples range from the spoutings of this child Jonathan Krohn to the more refined deliveries we get from the current president - is vastly overvalued as a worthwhile attribute in our society today.

History, as we know, is festooned with "leaders" who had the ability to transport (and ultimately ruin) their societies with lofty rhetoric, and very little else.

If I wish to be inspired, I'll look for a church. In a politician, I would much rather the unvarnished - and yes, I know, unromantic - thuth.