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Alvin Lopez-Woods

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The Best Workout Is 'Sex': 10 Tips for Creating Your Ideal Marriage

Posted: 04/ 9/2012 6:41 pm

National polls indicate that more than half of all Americans believe same-sex marriage should be legal. Eight states, along with the District of Columbia, have granted gay men and women their human right to wed, but there is much work to be done by those who have been given a voice. It's time to start a new conversation; indeed, it's imperative that we start a new conversation. The way to push a new dialogue forward is to strike a nerve within a population. I don't want to jump ahead of myself, but I think that a nerve within our country has been struck.

U.S. divorce rates are downright insane. Is it a valid argument to say that our straight counterparts have been reckless with their privilege for years? I would say so. People fail to realize that marriage is hard work and ultimately don't know how to stay connected to their significant other. Now that same-sex couples across the nation see legal marriage as an attainable goal, it is time for us to demonstrate ways to create ideal marriages or relationships. What gives us the right to teach others how to create ideal marriages when this particular human right has only been granted to us in small increments for less than a decade? Think about it: committed same-sex couples have been creating solid relationships, against all odds, for ages. Even in the face of adversity, we have been able to stay intimately connected to our romantic partners. We've known for years that the only way to thrive in a relationship is through working out -- and the best workout is "sex."

I'm a happily married gay man, and that can be attributed to my husband providing me with the best "sex" of my life. Yes, you read that correctly: my husband and I have mind-blowing "sex" all the time. We are often asked what our secret to creating a happy union is, leading us to reveal two aha moments that have enlightened us: regardless of sexual orientation, most successful relationships have parallel components, and you must continually have "sex" or connect on an emotional and mental level with your partner.

These conversations led us to write an all-inclusive relationship book, The Best Workout Is "Sex": A Gay Guide to Your Ideal Marriage, which focuses on what makes the physical love between a couple so intense: emotional and mental connections. The title brings a social awareness to the absolute need for romantic partners to have some form of "sex" at all times, excluding the physical act. The intimate journey of learning to connect with your partner emotionally and mentally is the ultimate fuel for a successful marriage. The inclusive nature of our country today proves that both gay and straight couples need to be aware of certain guidelines to build toward a healthy relationship. Are you salivating to know how to create an ideal marriage? Here are 10 great "sex" tips from the book that will lead to an ideal relationship:

  1. Learn to play for the same: treat your romantic relationship as if you and that person are against the rest of the world. Uplift your partner through decisive actions.
  2. Create no limitations: develop a "safe zone" during conversations with your significant other so that they are comfortable having intimate conversations with you. Do your best to make sure that your partner knows exactly where their secrets are being stored.
  3. Listen with a non-judgmental heart: extreme importance must be put on empathizing with your partner. A crucial element of any successful relationship and marriage is to understand the feelings of your significant other. This act of compassion on your behalf will eliminate judgment and serve as an integral key to open and honest conversation between the both of you.
  4. Learn to reciprocate: relationships are all about a mutual effort of give and take. Both parties have to cooperate with one another to not only achieve a successful partnership but accomplish individual life goals. Learn how to reciprocate positive energy and admiration for one another.
  5. Become your partner's "personal cheerleader": enthusiasm and words of encouragement toward your partner's road to success will absolutely make them feel as if they are on top of the world. Go out of your way to congratulate your significant other when they are conquering their goals.
  6. Meet in the middle, and follow through with a smile: constantly build a companionship with your partner by sharing in a hobby or exploring a common interest.
  7. Identify the real issue in an argument: arguments tend to escalate due to an underlying issue that has nothing to do with the current disagreement. Try to pinpoint why you are truly angry. Feel out your partner's energy and connect with them through the dispute.
  8. Let laughter reign supreme: fun and laughter are essential to barricading potential stress in a relationship. Life is too difficult at times, and you should find humor in everyday situations. Doing so will allow both you and your partner to lighten up and have a good time.
  9. Manage your ego: don't allow your pride to combat your significant other in any way. Live in the moment with your romantic counterpart. Learn to admit when you are wrong.
  10. The art of the "peppermint kiss": peppermint is said to enhance memory, and people in relationships need to hit the refresh button at times. This sensual embrace should happen on a daily basis. (To learn more about the "peppermint kiss," you will have to dive into The Best Workout Is "Sex": A Gay Guide to Your Ideal Marriage.)

I hope that you are able to use some of these tips to enhance your connection. The icing on the cake is that sharpening your mental and emotional connection will absolutely heighten the physical sex in your relationship!

The whole world is watching. Let's continue a healthy conversation about creating ideal romantic partnerships based on mental and emotional strength. Although we have made credible strides in marriage equality, the battle is far from over. Let's combat opponents of gay marriage with strong examples of solid relationships and marriages.

 
 
 

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