Were I able to convert the amount of times I've heard the phrase "He/she is such a good role model..." into dollars, Bill Gates and Lakshmi Mittal would be intimidated by my cash reserves, shutter at my financial statements and beg me for money management tips.
The term role model is grossly, grossly overused these days. It feels as though the definition has recently loosened and widened to mean "anyone in the public eye." It's a shame, because a role model serves such an important function within society -- role models help everyone see beyond what is thought possible; their efforts forge us forward and inspire.
Life is fraught with confusion and obstacles to success and contentment. When there's a role model out there who has met life's challenges with dignity and grace, boy do we like to hear from them. We wish to know how they "got through" and "stayed focused." We wish to apply some of the insight to our own lives. The wisdom of their journey can be such an incalculable gift.
So I ask myself, when and why did the enviable state of being a role model and "being in the public eye" become fused? Now, a rapper in heavy radio rotation, responsible for such inspired lyrics as, "b*tch named Crystal ... I let her s*ck my pistol ..." and a hotel heiress whose ambition reaches no farther than displaying on camera, in detail, just how inconsequential a person can be when they set their mind to it, are being posed the question, "how does it feel to be a role model?"
The first few times I heard the question posed to one of these "celebrities" I waited for the punch line. Imagine my shock when the interviewee responded with a straight face.
For the record, I don't believe that the severely compromised state of role model-hood has gone unnoticed. It is highly likely that many of us turned around one day and were shocked to realize that our popular culture was all of a sudden saturated with a particular group of famous people who had no craft, no insight, no value proposition and (this part is the most disturbing) no problem proclaiming it to the world over a keyboard generated beat or in a "look at me" reality show.
If this author may reveal her vulnerability for a moment, it should be noted that more than anything, I'm grieving what feels like the loss of a long-protected fantasy, which role model-hood sustains by inherently suggesting: that good things mainly happen for good people.
I think what I (and anyone dealing with this brand of disillusionment) must do is to remember that the ability to define social constructs rest in our hands, as we are the foundation of trends, pop culture or otherwise.
The good news is that the true definition of a role model has not been lost, only obscured. Every day there are grounded people doing extraordinary things in and out of the public eye. We have the ability to confer as much praise and attention upon them as we wish.
Finally, while we are in here examining all this, there may also be some value in switching up one more thing. For those experiencing a dearth of role model-able candidates in their private and public spheres, might I suggest you look in your bathroom. Yes, indeed, the bathroom. Step into your bathroom, stand in front of your sink and look at yourself in the mirror above the sink. Allow yourself, for just a moment, to be as welcoming and enthusiastic about your giftings as you are of all of the people you've previously defined as role models.
Model your passion. Model your courage. Model your capacity to love and be loved. Model your roles as friends, parents, children, caregivers, justice-minded cool people, civic and socially-engaged citizens, etc.
Model it all hard and strong. Who knows? One day when you're in the city taking the children in your life on a little outing to show them the sights and broaden their horizons, some hotel heiress standing on the corner pretending to hide from paparazzi will catch a glimpse of you in action and think to herself, "Wow, that's hot."
Follow Alyson Renaldo on Twitter: www.twitter.com/CherylsDghtr
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Full disclosure? I'm a below average performer on many of the values that I hold dearly and expound above. Thankfully, I'm not yet a father. That said, perhaps the pursuit of perfection in role models and the expectation of that in tandem with the media-fulled reaction to the "fall" of role models (Tiger Woods, sorry, it's easy) is part of the problem of being a role model, thankless stuff it is. Maybe the focus should be on how to deal with failure (Michael Vick?) how to admit when you are wrong, and how to grow from negative experiences.
"How can I make good decisions?"
"Experience."
"How do I gain experience?"
"From making bad decisions"
The best models are then imperfect people who try their best, make mistakes, own up, right the wrongs and commit to (and actually) do better. At all levels of life that is something to look-up to.
I have two cousins that I look up to that have done the above and are thus role models to me as I attempt to join their ranks with deeper maladies to recover from and a steely resolve to again be worthy of their respect.
Onward upward indeed.
(This like all good comments is rather personal and may not be broadly applied, but that said, a role model is an imperfect person who is humble and resentful in defeat and magnanimous and again humble in victory.)
Your candour and depth resonated with me...I would imagine the two cousins that you look up to also hold you in high regard and consideration.
Thank you for sharing. Truly. Take Care. ARR
Consistent with the "longer-I-live-the-less-I-know" gale that has engulfed me lately comes a similar confusion on the role of the role model. Publicly, the praise heaped on public figures for accomplishments that have nothing to do with character (Tiger Woods) seems systematic of a society that has lost its core values (Romans, Greeks anyone?). Far from a doomsday philosophy, the focus on style over substance has caused our attention to be drawn to the less noble pursuits and away from timeless virtues this is fact. But where is the remedy to a society where humans act not in accordance with their founding values but more like (ahem) humans.
The only remedy that I'd like to put forward is one found on the family level. Being black I have the controversial stance that true social change starts in the home. Fathers and mothers matter, together united in the eternal responsibility of child-rearing. Simple acts like fidelity, spirituality, quality time, games, laughter, physical and emotional security... This is where I believe lives are changed, formed and true "models" established.
I only bother to post this because I've seen this error made far too often. In a generation and a half [40 years or so] selfless choices that facilitate a living environment we can be optimistic about can be lost in a fog of self thought. Liberty in America was not made for any individual or for any era; it was flawed in each American century and remains so; and yet our nation is a bright light of experimentation which world leaders often reference and model.
A few decades ago many traversed hallways and sidewalks slightly to the right; an accommodation for others aligned with our roads. During this time universities and employers were in the second generation of opening up to all Americans. What I would prefer to hear from Ms. Reynaldo is a proud yet humble expression of all that was done to provide a platform for her. I recommend to anyone the books "All Hands On the Freedom Plow" and "The Encyclopedia of Southern Culture".
I feel a need to do right by my American ancestors and to be humble about the opportunities offered in the states for those immigrants with mentoring from places more advanced in holistic global knowledge; in that way you and I are the same. The First-Nations, Latino and Blacks who are down have ancestors with tear jerking stories to read about. Marginalization + racism/classism = a tough road. I look forward to future communication, have fanned you and offer a few video clips for you:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_African-American_jurists
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aloyisus_Leon_Higginbotham,_Jr.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjiwRlke0eQ
Marian Wright Edelman and Lani Guinier are on the first link and are rightly famous