If you ever want something to happen, tell me and I'll think or talk about it, and it will happen ASAP. It sounds like a gift, but it's not great.
Case in point: Day 10 of OTAs.
The VERY day after I enthusiastically imagined a season without Marshawn Lynch, complete with "less frustration, less swearing, possibly less drinking," what happens? He finally decides to show up to practice. Great. Hold on a sec while I count my (un)lucky stars.
Lynch showed up and started learning the new offensive system for the first time, taking relatively quickly to it. How unfortunate. I was hoping real hard that he'd be a massive fail and this snag in my fantasy wouldn't even matter.
According to BuffaloBills.com, his teammates were "generally pleased" to see him. There's a glimmer of hope. That's not the same as "ecstatic" or "thrilled" or "greeted him with hugs and cookies."
He eloquently explained why he hasn't attended team practices until now. It's because he was "just enjoying what they call the offseason, just enjoying that and kicking back at home," which could just be code for "drinking mad patrennessey and smoking herbs." Hey, I said "could be" code for, don't all come at me at once.
Apparently, Lynch is close friends with my fave Freddy J... not great. Freddy J thinks his pal will be "nothing but professional" this season and contribute positively to the team. I love you man, but I'll believe it when I see it.
Lynch spoke with new head coach Chan Gailey for one of the first times. Here's his gem of a quote. It's so borderline amazing that I'll let you enjoy it for yourself.
"I talked to him a little bit yesterday just to tell him that I was going to be back and let's get this thing rolling," said Lynch. "They already had it rolling, but let me come add my will to it."
Oh, thank you, Sir Suck-a-Lot. What would we have done without your "will" added to the mix? Oh wait, we were doing just fine. Boyz II Men even have a song about this problem: "Doin' just fineeeee, getting along very well, without you in my life, I don't need you in my lifeeee."
So now what? This latest twist is just another wrinkle in my dilemma. I need to come up with a game plan. What...a conundrum. I don't think I can physically or mentally get through another season with that hot mess in a Bills' helmet. Then again, his messness in a helmet means I don't have to look at his face.