THE BLOG

When Did I Become So Numb? The Thrive Course

05/21/2015 01:05 pm ET | Updated May 21, 2016

The book and the OWN network's course with Arianna Huffington called Thrive has been blowing my mind! It's been the biggest surprise teaching for me in a long time.

I'm crying as I write this, tears of breakthrough! My heart is opening and beginning to understand how simple real change can be if I do small things to just love my sweet self, to actually let myself win!

I've been waking up to so many hard truths, I'm having this feeling of sadness and also relief and compassion for myself.

I'm getting in touch with a sense of loneliness that has been inside of me and realizing that my phone, iPad and laptop have become my best friends. I use them for companionship, for entertainment, for love, that in fact I've become a bit numb and I've been using them to feel like I'm not alone, to distract myself from the fact that I have a lot of superficial connections but my soul is yearning for deeper friendships, real friendships built over time and care. My tears are actually of relief, because I'm realizing what needs to change!

I drive everywhere in my car, and just incorporating walking over the last few days has been so eye opening. I mean WALKING! When did I forget to walk?

When did I forget that my electronic devices can't love me back?

When did I forget that I have clothes, papers, books, receipts that I haven't looked at in months? Years?

I've begun to throw things out and give things away.

When did I forget that I have this beautiful soul inside me that wants to LIVE?

Not just survive but THRIVE! FEEL ALIVE!

When did I forget that I don't have to say YES to every freaking thing?

When did I forget that an honest NO is okay?

It's more than okay to take the time to figure out what my YES really is and what my NO really is!

I have been hungry on a soul level, and that hunger has had me consuming without even taking the time to digest what I buy!

To actually READ the book, STUDY the notes from the 8 million personal development and business courses that I've taken.

I'm not sure why this course now is re-waking me up... well they do say when the student is ready...

And I am so ready! I'm ready to LIVE! I'm not content to just watch other people do it in movies, TV shows, watch my friends do it... but to risk really living myself!

I'm ready to put myself out there and look for love again, even though I'm freaking terrified that I'll risk and lose... again.

Yeah I am ready to talk about all of this openly, honestly and to stop hiding the vulnerable truths, the parts of me I think are shameful, embarrassing and should be kept as my own dirty little secrets so as not to risk others judgement of me in my desire to be seen as perfect.

I have needed to LOVE myself the way I love my clients. I've needed to give myself the same healing I extend so freely to others through my work as a healer.

It is just NEVER EVER too late to breathe new life again into our souls!

It is NEVER too late to wake up to all of the ways that we don't allow ourselves to have the life we really want!

Life can be so simple, when did it all get so complicated? I am ready to just simply let myself have what I honestly want, to just once and for all say: THIS IS WHAT I WANT and I'LL HAVE IT NOW THANK YOU! It is SO that time!

I am ready to be honest that what I want is to really go forth and let myself be SEEN in the world and share these healing gifts that God has given me in a BIG way! I want to be of service and contribute, I'm ready to play a bigger game in life.

There's no more time to hide my gifts out of fear, fear that I'll be seen as arrogant or verbose, fear that my dreams are too big, NO! There's no more time for that!

There is a hurting world that I am a part of that needs my unique expression NOW... and I'm gonna give it to 'em!

Ahhh, it feels damn good to get real and tell my truth, it feels good to risk looking messy for once and just tell the truth.

Thank You Arianna Huffington! Thank you for sharing your voice and your message with us all! I truly understand why you titled the book Thrive!