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Amanda Ernst

Amanda Ernst

Posted: April 26, 2010 11:43 PM

I am okay with being asked out via text message, but not every text date request is the same. For example, take a look at this text I recently received:

Going to Singapore tomorrow for work, maybe we can have a drink when I get back?

This text can mean many different things depending on the relationship you have with the person who is sending it. It obviously must be coming from someone who you don't talk to on a regular basis, otherwise you would know about this trip to Singapore. If it's coming from a guy who wants to date you (and not a friend who wants to meet up for a drink), and it came unprovoked and not in response to you asking him out, it can either come from a guy you just met, someone who you have been seeing casually or a guy who is trying to reconnect with you.

The main thrust of this message is that this guy is going away for work, and going to Singapore, therefore he is very busy and important. And although he wants to see you -- enough to contact you before he leaves even though he's leaving soon and his time is precious -- he doesn't want to see you before he leaves. Therefore, you are not more important than his job or whatever else is going on in his life. That being said, if you receive a text like this from a serious boyfriend, run. And if it's someone who you have been dating for awhile, ask yourself, does he do this a lot? Chances are, you won't ever be able to compete with his job in terms of importance in his life. Believe me, you're better off learning that early on in your relationship.

If this is someone who you have just met, it's sort of sweet that he would contact you before he leaves for a trip, and since you're not too invested in each other, it would make sense that he wouldn't move mountains to see you before he leaves town. However, I'd say keep the ball in his court, and let him make the first move when he returns. But make sure to respond in a friendly way to his text, and emphasize how you want him to contact you upon his return -- by call, text or even email. Seeing if he'll be willing to actually call you to set up a date at this point is a good test of his interest and an indication of how he will act should you continue to date.

For me, this text came from an ex who I hadn't heard from in years. I was curious, but a little put off by the fact that he would contact me so far in advance of wanting to see me. Why now? Why not wait until you get back to contact me? I found the mention of going away for work off-putting, especially because his work schedule was one of the main reasons our relationship never worked out. Clearly, he didn't get it. The one saving grace is that by giving me a heads up, he allowed me a few weeks to decide whether or not I actually want to see him.

What would you do if you received a text like this? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Have you ever received a puzzling or off-putting text from a guy?

This post was originally publishing on Crushable.com.

 

Follow Amanda Ernst on Twitter: www.twitter.com/amandanyc