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Attracting the Wrong Person -- What Type of Energy Are You Putting Out?

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All of my guy friends constantly are telling me "there are no good girls in NYC," and yet all of my girlfriends are saying the same thing about the men in NYC: "Why can't I just find a good guy?" I started to call people out. One of my close friends told me he was attracting girls who had boyfriends and didn't even know they were dating anyone else until after it was too late. I looked at my wonderful friend and said, "Yes that's your fault; you are putting out an energy that attracts that. You are living in between two lives cheating on yourself and attracting those who are doing the same thing but now are cheating with you."

He started to think about it and was like wow, you are right. I analyzed where this epiphany came from and realized that I started picking up on people's energies when I started to recognize the energy I was giving off. My friend is one of the kindest people on earth and is so respectful, and I admire him so dearly, and yet here he was attracting women who were not respecting themselves or him. The crazy thing was his in-between lifestyle had little to do with relationships; it had to do with other decisions in his life around work, apartments and lifestyle choices, and yet this in-between energy was so apparent he was attracting the wrong person. I am not saying there aren't other elements that play a huge part in the laws of attraction. The places you choose to convene, who you hang out with, your values, the last book you read all play a part in who you attract, but doesn't that also all come down to who you are at your core and what you are exuding to the world?

I think the first step is awareness. My friend told me that after he realized this, he just started giving off a completely different energy and attracting an entirely different type of person. Even more so, his energy wasn't being wasted on negativity and was able to be used toward projects and people he was passionate about. There is something to say about going after what you love and doing what you love with those you love. When you are true to yourself in every aspect -- and I don't mean the self that you created when you first moved to the city as a defense mechanism to survive or the self that you started to be when you were a freshman in college, I mean who you are at your core -- you attract others that align with that.

I realized a year ago that I was asking all the wrong questions. I was asking "Where did you go last night" instead of "What is your biggest passion right now" and "What do you do" instead of "What are you working on right now that you love." I was literally putting out negative energy and inadvertently filtering the wrong people into my life. It was almost like I was a backward filter, absorbing all the dust and dirt and not leaving room for anything that would be healthy for me.

I learned there are a lot of things you can do for yourself to help change your energy. You can listen more, you can surround yourself with people that support you and that have similar values, you can figure out what your values actually are and then go after what you're passionate about, and you can stop complaining. When you open yourself up to love from the most random places, you never know where or who you will meet that will open you up to a different side of yourself.

I think in a big city filled with a lot of people and a lot to do, it's hard to show your true colors. It's hard to be yourself at first with people you want to impress, yet I think more importantly than showing the world who you are, you have to figure out who you are first and why you are attracting this "breed" of a person. You attract a mirror image of the energy you give out, so when you keep complaining about attracting the wrong person, you have to thank those people for shedding light on something you may need to change about yourself.

When you find someone that you love, they become a mirror for you in a beautiful way. They can tell you things they see in you as a reflection of themselves and vice versa. You aren't wondering why they are in your life, you just get that there is no way they could not be in your life because when you start to be true to yourself, you give off an energy that attracts someone that reflects that energy. I'm not an expert spiritual master or a psychological scientist, but I know when I decided to make decisions for myself that were true to my passions, I started to see people in my life differently. I started to value those who help bring out the best in me and never get angry at those who spoke unkindly of me or were in my life in a negative way, because I knew they were there to teach me something about myself.

That's the beauty about energy. When you put out all that you are and all that you strive to be, you will live a life of serendipity and of magic where it all just seems right and all of the people and experiences along the way will lead you to someone or something that just feels like it was made for you, because in actuality it was. I really believe that there are a lot of good guys and a lot of wonderful women. I believe that if everyone changed the way they looked at themselves it would then in turn change the way they look at each other. And once you do, you just may realize the love of your life is standing right in front of you.

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