A Fictional Iran Intel Account of the Obama-Netanyahu Summit

TOP SECRET

FROM: Washington, D.C. Agent Mossadeq - Ministry of Intelligence & Security
TO: Office of the Supreme Leader Grand Ayatollah Sayyid Ali Khameni
RE: OBAMA-NETANYAHU MAY 18 SUMMIT

Holy Imam:

The following report summarizes our Washington intelligence unit's assessment of Monday's summit meeting between the Zionist leader (Prime Minister Netanyahu) and the American President Barack Obama.

On Monday, May 18, the two conspirators against our beloved Islamic Republic met in secret in the White House Oval Office for one hour and forty-five minutes at the White House in Washington, D.C. By all media accounts, Iran and our nuclear weapons program was the central topic of discussion during their private meeting, but the future of Palestine may have also been discussed. We have reason to believe that their meeting was cordial, but the summit evidenced important differences between the two nations that may inure to Iran's benefit.

Imam, although we do not have direct information to report from the two leaders' private discussions, there is positive news to report.

Even though the two leaders could be engaged in a master deception at our expense, based on all accounts, Iran faces no immediate prospect of a joint Israeli-American military attack against our nuclear facilities even though President Obama reiterated that a nuclear-armed Iran is a threat to the U.S. (not just a threat to Israel).

Media reports and intercepted communications about the visit disclose varying degrees of significant disagreement between the two leaders regarding our sacred nuclear program.

America's refusal to fully support Israel's position will undoubtedly have great bearing on your calculations even though the uneducated masses believe that soon-to-be reelected President Ahmadenijad sets Iran's nuclear course. When will those infidels ever learn!

Notwithstanding Netanyahu's publicly expressed fears over Obama's Iranian "engagement" policy, the United States President stated his determination to proceed with his still unspecified efforts to talk directly to Iran to determine whether our nation can be dissuaded from developing a nuclear weapon (these Americans like to use this word "engage" a lot, but in this case, it does not refer to pre-marital status).

Our American unit can also confidently report that Washington diplomacy is focused on three tracks: 1) direct (but as of yet unspecific) engagement with Iran; 2) broader engagement with Iran's friends and allies to place greater diplomatic and economic pressure on Iran to reverse its nuclear ambitions; and 3) a new American Middle East peace initiative which President Obama will unveil during his visit to the Infidel Sunni Egyptian nation to promote Palestinian statehood as a means to persuade Arab autocratic regimes and the international community to align against Iran and encircle us further to impede our regional hegemonic goals.

In other words, the American plans are right out there in public, and nothing suggests that anything more conspiratorial was agreed to behind the scenes (but do not forsake such a possibility). America is so preoccupied with Pakistan, Afghanistan and its self-inflicted economic woes, that the American people have, in our view, no interest in going to war against the Islamic Republic, and President Obama is determined to test his belief that you can be dissuaded from provoking America. Anyway, a few positive comments from your spokesman about Obama and the Americans will be diplomatic money in the bank -- like buying time in a bottle.

So far, our sources advise that President Obama has not completed assessing what incentives America plans to offer you to put off a political decision on moving toward constructing a nuclear weapon now that, as most intelligence agencies know Iran is on the verge of mastering the technology to do so. We are available to assist you in developing your American "wish list."

Moreover, it is also clear from their meeting that the American President considers the military option the least acceptable course for the Americans (unlike those trigger happy Israelis) and seems to place great hope that the prospect of tougher international economic sanctions (as if we haven't experienced the maximum sanctions already) coupled with American assurances that regime change has gone by the way of the Axis of Evil graveyard.

At a so-called post meeting press conference, President Obama repeated the Great Satan's often expressed support for Israel's security and opposition to Iran's nuclear program, but did not expressly assert that the United States would use its military forces encircling us to destroy Iran's nuclear installations. In fact, President Obama made very clear that while all options are "...on the table" (American surreptitious slang for the military strike against Iran option) Obama intentionally avoided directly mentioning the potential use of military force (we will have to further assess for you as events dictate exactly what the President may have in mind should he deem his engagement policy fruitless).

However, unlike the empty belligerency that characterized the threats against us from Bush, Cheney and Rice, President Obama was careful to avoid making any overt threats or commit explicitly to any timetable for exhausting his diplomatic initiatives toward us. He made a somewhat vague statement speculating that by year's end his administration would have a better sense whether you were adequately responding to Washington's diplomatic outreach efforts before he decided on further moves against us.

Moreover, President Obama expressly disagreed with Netanyahu when Obama asserted that movement on Palestinian statehood is necessary before he could strengthen his international diplomatic efforts against us (and we are working hard to forestall that possibility, as you have instructed us to do).

In this regard, dear Imam, our Hamas brothers have no intention of humoring the President's grand designs against Iran. Indeed, our Damascus unit has separately reported yesterday that under your instructions, Hamas leader Meshaal dismissed his deputy for daring to consider reconciliation with the traitorous Palestinian Authority.

We know from intercepted media accounts that Obama's agent, George Mitchell, is working hard with the Egyptians to bring about a unity government, but so far, there is no reason to believe that Washington feels confident that that is likely anytime soon and so far our Syrian allies are steadfastly giving the back of the hand to American diplomacy. The Egyptian leader is due in Washington soon before Obama goes to Cairo, but without a Hamas trophy. The Palestinians are hopeless because they cannot make a decision about their fate, and our Hamas brothers are gaining strength each day against the Palestinian Authority.

Imam, our American unit can also report to you that just before Netanyahu's Washington visit, Obama dispatched his CIA Director Panetta to Tel Aviv to inform Tel Aviv that the U.S. will not support a preemptive Israeli attack against our nuclear installations. Our informants advise us that Panetta warned Tel Aviv that the American interests in the Middle East would face serious consequences should the Israelis act alone and would not have the required American military support should they so act.

We also can assuredly report that the Pentagon Chief and the Director of National Intelligence oppose American military attacks on Iran. Coupled with President Obama's summit statements, this collectively points to a unique period of unmistakable diplomatic imbalance between these two steadfast allies that plays into our hands.

OUR SUMMARY ASSESSMENT: Israel and the United States still do not see eye to eye on how to stop Iran's nuclear program. Unit DC can assure you that there will be no prospect of joint military action against Iran so long as President Obama is committed to the diplomatic track, which at the earliest will continue through the end of 2009 unless Iran takes unexpected actions such as booting out IAEA inspectors or appearing ready to test a nuclear device.

Since Obama's diplomatic track, by his own words, includes achieving progress on Palestinian statehood to better position America against Iran's nuclear program, more Hamas and Hezbollah mischief may be in order to forestall any such progress and buy Iran more time to achieve its nuclear ambitions. You can at least be reasonably certain that Iran has many more months given the President's own timetable to progress forward.

This is not to say that Israel will not act alone militarily against us even before Iran orders the removal of IAEA inspectors. But without the support of its key ally, the probability that Israel will move alone before 2010 has decreased as a result of this summit. The Americans remain wary of adding to their Middle East woes.

Yours eternally,
Agent Mossadeq

P.S.

We recommend as a demonstration of your scorn for their conspiratorial summit you proceed to test fire another great Islamic Republic missile today to show Iran will not be intimidated by idle threats from either Tel Aviv or Washington.

 

Comments

[Justtellthetruth]

Iran does not threaten Israel. Not at all. Iran does not in any way threaten the US. On the otehr hand, Israel REGULARLY threatens Iran. Israel's threats (Both if realized and also if not) weaken the US diplomatic strategies with Iran, and also , if realized., threaten the US with a major depression (500 oil, 12 gas) and pointless middle eastern wars for decades, which will weaken us and possibly bring about our economic demise.

Furthermore Israeli settlements inspire terror against the US and Israel, while serving not a single positive purpose, and are in fact an ugly, racist, human and international rights violation that hurts US and Israeli credibility. Ever seen videos of the daily harassment that Palestinians suffer at the hands of violent racist settlers who are trying to intimidate them into leaving? Heard about the settlers who are ramming small Palestinian children with cars and then fleeing the scene? The stone throwing? Stones that are thrown at women and children as the settlers are protected by IDF?

The settlements are a shame and stain upon both Israel and the US, and they only serve to give credibility to people like Ahmadinejad. They need to be razed to the ground, the settlers forcefully removed from their illegal premises, the IDF removed, and THEN peace talks ought to start.

[shotei]

Iran's policy is extremely succesful and it is further encouraged by Obama's words, no matter how well intended the US president may be. Iran wants regional hegemony (for now) and has a very comprehensive policy to accomplish its goal. This policy is currently two-folded. In one hand, they finance and basically control Hamas and Hezbollah, their proxy agents in the Arab world. Just 2 weeks ago, a whole network of Hezbollah agents (who were supposed to be a national group according to themselves) was discovered in Egypt. Hamas had just received orders not to engage in talks with the PA. This way, instability is rooted in the Palestinian-Israeli conflict and since now much of the international community ties the sollution to the Iranian problem to the Palestinian struggle, this is assurance that nobody will do anything except....­exhert more pressure on Israel.
The second side of the policy is of course, pursuing nuclear weapons to establish overwhelming power over Arab moderates and thus establish a sphere of influence that will eventually include the entire Arab world.
I think the fake intelligence report was more accurate than most articles I've seen here.

[Freenation]

I.rsael controlling majority of the U.S. congress via it's proxy AI.PAC mention that too just to complete your assesment.­..

[shotei]

haha right. Jews control American politics, finances and the media. Jews control the world. Come back with a real argument.

[Wozzeck]

"I adamantly support President Obama's diplomatic initiative to try to sway Grand Ayatollah Khamenei into a productive negotiation with the U.S. and convince him that Iran would be safer without a bomb in the long run."

Why would you believe he needs to be swayed? Are you not familiar with his fatwa against nuclear weapons?

BTW, the Supreme Leader is not unelected as you wrote in your last blog.

[shotei]

Riiiight. The Ayatollah is democratically elected. There was even a gay party running for Supreme Leader. The guy's elected by another handful of clerics.
And if they've got a fatwa against nuclear weapons, then, they couldn't possibly betray it right?! Iranian word is divine, just as they claimed there was no nuclear project until it was leaked by a certain man who is now forbidden to enter Iran.

[Freenation]

sounds like story about I.srael nucleaer cover-up..­.

[Wozzeck]

The Supreme Leader is elected by the Assembly of Experts. The members of the Assembly are elected by direct public vote. Ginsberg said that the Supreme Leader was unelected. Ginsberg was wrong.

[Paulo1]

Well done.

I usually would prefer outright parody when writing in this style but the content and geopolitical concerns were both enlightening and thought provoking.

I would disagree on the timing of the Israeli attack however, I think it is long overdue based on Israeli public statements and will probably come soon. I was frankly surprised they opted for Gaza instead of Iran as a parting move at the end of the Bush Disaster.

[TheFacilitator]

I agree with Taxi....mo­re than time to talk about the illegal arsenal in Israel...a­nd why they do not want to sign the non-expansion Treaty....­Enough double standard if we want the real world to respect us and trust us. For years, we have accused Iran about anything, but neglected to supervise the real threat, Pakistan. We are so naive and gullible, we still waste billions arming our own enemies via Afghanistan, Iraq and Pakistan..­...And what Israel is doing for assisting us in Middle East? Just creating more problems with Palestinia­ns.. Time to recognize the two states...r­eally, seriously. time to compensate for the Palestininans (Israel should help with our own money). Then, Iran will have no reason to support Hamas. We are creating our own enemies...­and destroying our economy. The American Empire is over. Time to close our 770 bases and bring our staff home...We need help here, in our schools, hospitals, police staff, and border security.

[Macready]

excellent blog TheFacilitator . . . thank you

[FrozenNorthObserver]

What part of this is supposed to be fiction? It's sounds like most of the press reports I've seen.

[Baghooli]

I prefer to read A I P A C agent's assessment of this meeting, maybe this is it!

[Macready]

I suspect it is the AIPAC's report of the meeting . . .

[zaz33]

There is a solution - but we're not supposed to know about it, -

http://www.presstv.ir/detail.aspx?id=86372&sectionid=351020104

[Taxi]

What about Aipac's spin?

Oh I forgot: they don't have one now do they? Cause they always put America's interests first, right?

I'm just glad congress was behind Obama on the Iran issue and not Natanyahu.

Who needs you guys. You've cost us money and blood.

[melissamsouza]

So what to do? Let's just see how this all plays out for the coming months. I thought you were on Obama's side, Ambassador. After this damning criticism, I don't know anymore. So, attacking Iran's nuclear installations and futher inflaming the Middle East is the solution? Before any diplomacy is allowed to go forward? An attack would break apart Obama's whole effort, undermine Iraq and Af-Pak significantly. What is wrong with the strategy Obama is pursuing? I still don't get it.

[Amb. Marc Ginsberg - Huffpost Blogger]

You're barking up the wrong tree. I adamantly support President Obama's diplomatic initiative to try to sway Grand Ayatollah Khamenei into a productive negotiation with the U.S. and convince him that Iran would be safer without a bomb in the long run. My posting is intended to show how Iran may be (mis)interpreting events in Washington. Marc

[Taxi]

When will it be politically correct to start talking about Israeli's illegal nuclear stockpile - which is the very reason behind Iran's 'perceived' intentions to acquire nukes.

When do we get to talk about the real reason for the mess Israel is trying to drag us into?

[melissamsouza]

Thank you for the reply and the clarification. If this were written by any other person either than you, Ambassador, it would seem like an acerbic criticism of the President's policies. I guess I love satire, and I'm very influenced by British literature and media--but your piece sounds like a parody of Obama's overtures showing precisely how they may be misinterpreted by fanatics, making them feel cozy and secure in the knowledge that they won't be penalized for their mischief and chest-thumping. These are Cheney's talking points--diplomacy won't work because it will be misinterpreted as weakness and complacency, which in turn will lead Iran to pursue its "mischief" in all manner of ways.