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Amber DeGrace

Amber DeGrace

Posted: July 8, 2010 04:43 PM

A Vampire Does Not Make a Good Lover

What's Your Reaction:

I haven't jumped on the Twilight bandwagon yet. Chances are I'm not going to. I realize there are now many women out there that are gasping and would like to pull me through the computer screen, shake me violently, and ask me what in the world can possibly be wrong with me. I assure you, I am fine. Judging from my friends, it seems the most devoted fans are in the 20- and 30-something crowd and nearly all women. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen a male post anything about being on Team Edward on Facebook.

Vampires are too nice nowadays. Here is a fact: vampires are not nice. They have one goal, and that is to drain you of your blood. They don't want to fall in love with a human, no matter how lovely and voluptuous you are. A vampire views us like some of us may view a cow, and think about what a plump and juicy meal it could be. Vampires are scary, or at least they would be scary if they were real.

Rest assured, I do not believe vampires are real. Please do not recommend my name to a psychologist or anything like that. I am simply telling you that if they were real they would be scary and you would not trust them and you certainly would not fall in love with them. All these women who are fanatical for the Twilight series would probably beg for their mommy if an actual vampire ever appeared in her bedroom at 3am on a moonlit night.

I do suppose there has always been a trend for women to gravitate to the bad boy, to the criminal, to the man her father always warned her to stay away from. Maybe this Twilight craze is just the newest, faddiest extension of this phenomenon. It used to be that the hunky hero in a film was a pirate or outlaw cowboy. There is something sexy about a man that can handle a weapon and not injure himself, I admit. Then there were films that cast the rebel or the patriot, the 'lone wolf', as the protagonist; he usually has lost the love of his life and has been wronged by his country and we ladies just sigh and swoon as if he is simply the most amazing specimen of manhood ever. We dream at night of British spies, muscular Native American chiefs, and masked bandits coming in a whirlwind of passion into our lives and whisking us away to an exotic Paradise. Well, I don't dream that. I am a happily married woman.

But the vampire, that blight on human's mortal existence being the protagonist I simply cannot abide. Whatever kind of offspring would come forth from such an unholy union? What if his fangs accidentally bit you? Can you imagine nursing a vampire baby? I shudder at the thought. At some point you would need to decide whether you want to get old and withered and die while he's still young and beautiful or if you want to spend the rest of your (un)life consuming blood because you decided to become a vampire as well.

I realize I am in the minority here and please don't take offense to what I say. Look at the positives of my indifference to the Twilight films. It leaves more Edward for all the rest of you! It also leaves two empty seats at the movie theater since I won't be dragging my unwilling, yet wonderfully loving husband with me. If Edward decides to come choose someone to join a harem of vampire followers in the future, I guarantee he will come for you and not me.

Besides, if I truly had to fall for a vampire, it would definitely be Brad Pitt in Interview With A Vampire. Ladies, your Edward is safe from me.


 

Follow Amber DeGrace on Twitter: www.twitter.com/_ink_mama

I haven't jumped on the Twilight bandwagon yet. Chances are I'm not going to. I realize there are now many women out there that are gasping and would like to pull me through the computer screen, sha...
I haven't jumped on the Twilight bandwagon yet. Chances are I'm not going to. I realize there are now many women out there that are gasping and would like to pull me through the computer screen, sha...
 
 
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11:54 AM on 07/13/2010
My 17 year old daughter expressed similar sentiments (to yours) saying: "I'm fed-up of these so-called "good" vampires; I want to see a heroine like Buffy the Vampire Slayer!" Several months later, RAYNE HAWKE: THE KILLING FIELDS: DUSK 'TIL SUNRISE was born...and dedicated to her. It's fine that people enjoy the fantasy of a vampire's innate character being changed due to love. But there should always be fantasy that's equally representative of the truth -- in all possibilities and realms.
11:43 AM on 07/13/2010
Maybe a newly turned vampire would be interested in a whining high school girl, but I think that kind of attraction dies out pretty quick once you reach thirty, much less 100 years old. Haha.
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Rubyfoo
12:02 AM on 07/13/2010
It's the super-hickey concept that pulls 'em in (I guess).
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09:52 PM on 07/12/2010
The young adult angst thing is really so eighties.. lol....I don't get why so many womyn are so crazy
about these books.. the jacket alone is enough to bore me to tears...Anne Rice Interview with the Vampire and Lestat The Vampire was much more interesting... When I ask womyn who love these books if they have read Anne Rice, they just look at me with a blank stare..lol

http://writersreality.wordpress.com/
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dsandora
11:42 AM on 07/12/2010
There is something about vampires that has a draw to so many people, obviously or it wouldn't be so successful. I know when I was a teenager I went through my "vampire craze" phase. The thing that I find funny is that if you had the idea for a story such as this that sold books and put those butts in seats you'd be laughing all the way to the bank, like I am sure that she is!

As a writer I would love to be so "lucky"!

Oh, BTW, I am team Jacob and I am glad he doesn't own a shirt!

Dianna Sandora
www.secretstowritingsuccess.com
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Amber Roth DeGrace
lover of travel, craft beer, music, homebrew, food
04:54 PM on 07/12/2010
Ha! I remember reading books when I was a teenager about 'real' vampires and it was all very erotic (both homo- and hetero-). In hindsight, nothing I want my kids to read at 13. ;)

You are correct, though. She is making a killing on these books!
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Leper
Giving the finger to intolerance
12:10 AM on 07/12/2010
What? You have a problem with the word 'virginity'?
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Leper
Giving the finger to intolerance
01:25 AM on 07/12/2010
What I was trying to say:

It used to be that the drain of blood from the victim was a metaphor for the taking of the soul.
Now, it's a metaphor for the taking of virginity (it may also be a metaphor for rape).
10:50 AM on 07/12/2010
I have to disagree with you on that. The old-school vampires (I'm thinking of the Polidori "Vampyre" and LeFanu's "Carmilla" from the 19th century, specifically) were often cast as rapists (either male or female) who violated a virgin, in addition to causing the damnation of the victim's soul due to their "weakness" in succombing to the vampire (19th century gender politics are gross that way). The sexual/pseudo-sexual imagery in vampire works is definitely nothing new.
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Leper
Giving the finger to intolerance
02:16 PM on 07/11/2010
I outgrew my vampire phase when I was fourteen. That said, there was a really good movie that came out two years ago that reminded me of why I liked the genre at that age.

Trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZJUgsZ56vQ
11:32 AM on 07/11/2010
Ten Things I Reject About the Current Vampire Rage

1. vampires do not sparkle
2. vampires do not play baseball
3. vampires do not make babies (mostly because they are D E A D )
4. vampires do not drive Volvo S T A T I O N W A G O N S
5. vampires are not interested in the affairs of humans,
and least of all teenagers
6. vampires do not start vampire wars because of the affairs of humans,
and least of all teenagers
7. vampires reject werewolves as a reality--but they get a little nervous around the Quileute
8. vampires reject Mormonism and all its pomps and all its empty promises
9. vampires shun and sometimes outright destroy other vampires that insist on attending
high school
10. vampires reject attending high school just to "blend in" with humanity or whatever...
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Cye
08:31 AM on 07/11/2010
Can't stand the whole Twilight phenomena. I've got nothing against Vampires, per se. I've seen my share of vampire flicks over the years and absolutely loved Buffy and am currently into True Blood.

However, as a thirty-something woman, I consider myself too mature to watch films about the fraught, convoluted and artificially sophisticated love lives of angst-ridden teens. It just doesn't interest me.

And the site of all those screaming girls (and women!!) camping out on the side-walk to buy tickets to the new film, just makes me shake my head. Especially since the books are notorious for being poorly written.
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07:39 PM on 07/10/2010
Absolutely, Brad Pitt.
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reebus856
History/trivia aficionado
03:23 PM on 07/10/2010
During the late18th century,then during the 19th & early half of the 20th cent. vampire stories were penned by men, presumably because women authors were not taken seriously by publishers. Today it's the women's turn. In the last 35 yrs, starting with Anne Rice blazing the trail, vampire novels have been successfully penned by women[C. Harris-TrueBlood, LJSmith-Vampire Diaries & SMeyers-Twight]
I happen to like Anne Rice's or C. Harris' approach which much more directed to an adult audience which explores more fully the vampire lore & mythos, as well as the overt sexuality of these creatures[whether male or female]. One overiding, omnipresent feature of ALL vampires is that they are by their very nature-predators. Therefore all of their preternatural(or if you will,supernatural) abilities are directed to one thing: to hunt, subdue & feed off their victims, as well as avoid being caught or detected. The current Twilight phenomenon is more of a watered down version with the typical bad boy, forbidden love theme that is directed to a teenage(or maybe 18-34) demographic & that's ok, because it sells books & puts butts in movies theatre seats. Yet the good ol' combo of romance, sex & the supernatural, predatory immortal world these creatures inhabit, is always a perennial favorite to every demographic.
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Amber Roth DeGrace
lover of travel, craft beer, music, homebrew, food
05:00 PM on 07/10/2010
Very well written comment, I enjoyed reading it.
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CubanVoice
Hope common sense goes viral.
01:40 PM on 07/10/2010
Not into the Twilight thing. But there have been vampires in film I wouldnt mind having a liaison with - Frank Langella's version comes to mind. Suck my blood!
Even a few of the depraved, evil vampires in True Blood can come by for a visit.
Sure they're scary, but millions of women's fantasies cant be all wrong.

BY THE WAY, if forced Id be on team werewolf (whatever the character's name is). Edward has little of the dangerous vampire genes that live in my fantasies. At least with the werewolf I know there's SOME animal magnatism!
01:39 AM on 07/10/2010
Believe me, you're not in the minority. It's just that the Twilight fans, like so many others who have little that is actually relevant to say, have the biggest mouths.
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LMPE
I connect the most dissimilar things
04:51 PM on 07/09/2010
Werner Herzog's "Nosferatu" gave probably the best depiction of vampires.
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11:10 AM on 07/11/2010
F.W.Murnau's Nosferatu. It is an awesome film.
04:07 PM on 07/09/2010
I agree. Vampires aren't sexy. I think I made a pretty good argument against there sexiness at my site. http://dailybrass.blogspot.com/2010/01/think-vampires-are-sexy-try-squirrel_17.html