Father's Day is this weekend and Crappy Baby and I were talking about what to do for Crappy Papa.

I always ask the kids their ideas for stuff like this. They'll come up with something easy like cupcakes with "Papa" written on them. We'll make the cupcakes and then I'll...

(Attention: If this is the first post of mine you've ever read you might think I'm one of those bitter parents who doesn't seem to like their kids very much. You might even be inspired to say nasty and judgmental things in the comments. Dude. Get a grip.

I realized that I have a three-part reaction to pregnancy announcements now that I have kids.

Two of my friends just announced their pregnancies. Their first pregnancies.

This post is only about my reaction to first pregnancies. People announcing second or third or more pregnancies are different. They've already joined...

This post was written by Beth Woolsey from Five Kids is a Lot Of Kids and illustrated by Amber Dusick from Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures™.

I was halfway down the stairs, one 3-year-old in hand, when the screaming from the other 3-year-old started.

I immediately...

I'm hungry. The kids just ate but I neglected to make something for myself. As usual.

I look in the fridge and grab a cucumber. Sliced cucumber with salt and vinegar. Yum. This has always been one of my favorite snacks.

(In case you are new to the brilliance...

We recently went on a trip with the kids. In the car. It wasn't very far, but we were in the car for a good four hours. This detail is actually irrelevant because the following happens EVERY time we are in the car. It is just that it happened 721...

Mother's Day is coming. I'm a mother, so I'm supposed to be honored and pampered and people are supposed to worship at my feet and stuff. More than usual, that is.

Since my kids are young, much of this mother honoring stuff falls on the shoulders of my husband....

I like to fantasize about things that could make my life easier as a parent.

You might think I'm going to say how great it would be to have mute, pause and sleep buttons installed on my children.

Nope. My kids are perfect. It is the rest of...

We go to Target® sometimes.

I have a friend who goes there all the time. Her son thought up a dragon toy that had wheels for feet and breathed ice cream instead of fire. He said you could ride it like a bike. He also said he wanted one...

I think about my own childhood now that I'm a parent. Often. Of course I do, it is my primary frame of reference in all things childhoody.

There are things I did that my kids will never do.

I could talk about how they will never dial a...

I am a drug addict. I use uppers and downers.

But only to make me a better parent.

I never drank coffee before I had kids. At least not in a "Fresh Pots!" sort of way. We didn't even own a coffee maker.

Back in those...

Back in the early days with Crappy Boy, I couldn't wait for him to no longer use diapers. To be diaper free!

Diaper free sucks.

Don't fall for that potty training propaganda. Keep them in diapers as long as possible.

Once he was out of diapers I realized...

Ever try to explain a concept to your child and realize you are failing miserably?

This happens to me all the time.

Getting that glimpse of how differently they relate to the world is pretty special. It happened to me a few weeks ago...

My four-year-old and I...

I am a Los Angeles mother of two little boys. I started Parenting. Illustrated with Crappy Pictures late one night to avoid going crazy. It seems to be working. And now, I'm on The Huffington Post.

I love Halloween. A lot of people hate Halloween but those people...

I am a Los Angeles mother of two little boys. I started Parenting. Illustrated with Crappy Pictures late one night to avoid going crazy. It seems to be working. And now, I'm on The Huffington Post.

Here are the five toys that I love. And also hate.