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School and Self Esteem, or: Thank You for Making Those Socks!

Posted: 08/07/2012 11:51 am

Written by Elisa (EJ) Sobo

I saw my first back-to-school ad last night, and thought "already?" But in truth I think about school all the time: I'm a medical anthropologist studying Waldorf education. My focus is on pre-K through grade 3. My concern is healthy child development.

If you've heard anything about Waldorf schools, it might be that Waldorf students play outside a lot and even in the rain, or that classrooms have chalk boards still, and hardly any computers. You may know, too, that academic lessons don't start until children are seven. I knew all that when my study began. What shocked me instead was a palpable lack of recognizable "positive reinforcement." It surprised me not to hear the teachers say "good job."

Anthropologists often look for, and try to explain, cross-cultural differences. In other settings, adults reward children with "good job" regularly. I'd learned as a parent myself that saying "good job" helps cultivate self-esteem which, I'd been told, is crucial to life success. I'd heard coaches, teachers, and day-care workers praising their charges for even small accomplishments (and sometimes non-accomplishments as well).

I've started doing it too, in undergraduate teaching. The students seem to need it, perhaps due to having been raised in a culture where, as the Dodo said to Alice, "everybody has won, and all must have prizes" (Carroll 1865, Chapter 3). If anything today's students seem to have less real self-esteem than the prior generation.

But "good job" was not part of the discourse at the Waldorf school where I did my research. In fact the teachers hardly ever gave overt kudos of any kind to the children -- at least not that I could recognize initially.

A search through my field notes revealed that the closest anyone got to saying "good job" within my earshot in those first weeks was when two boys, each about four years of age, had tied some chairs together and to some cabinet handles (they were taming a dragon, or some such). The boys created quite a tangle, and then moved on to other pursuits. During clean-up time, prior to taking the class outside, the teacher announced "I need an expert electrician to come and unhook the power lines." One of the boys came over and she left him to it while helping other children with coats and shoes. This done, she walked back to the boy-electrician, who seemed to have succeeded in getting out the toughest knot: "Oh, you did it!" she called with a smile.

This congratulation may seem paltry compared to the gushing "good job" kind of stroke we are so used to hearing. But the teacher followed up with another two bits of reinforcement, adding, "You're almost done. Thank you!"

I confess, I did not see that last bit as important until I mentioned my impression to another teacher later. "Oh, no!" she replied with concern, pointing out that she and the other teachers always thanked children when they did what was needed, whether during clean up time, meal or snack time, craft time, or in outdoor play. This teacher, and others when asked, knew that their students were receiving the kind of positive reinforcement necessary for healthy development.

Here's an example of a thanks given en masse; it's from a second grade painting class. A child, noting a reddish shape emerging in the teacher's sample of the assignment, called out, "it's a mango!" The teacher, unhappy at this interruption, said only, "Thank you to all of you who are not calling out. You are maybe thinking something in your head but you are not calling out to ruin things for your neighbor. That is very polite."

Authentic gratitude is enough of an acknowledgment to foster self-esteem without leading to the kind of dependency on others that "good job" seems to do. In saying "thank you," a teacher says to a child "I see you. I see that you are doing something positive." In an ideal world, that kind of acknowledgment is all that is needed for the seeds of self-esteem and self-confidence to take root and grow in a healthy, non-narcissistic direction. Children cultivated toward dependence on external praise through constant positive stroking are at risk for growing into poorly-adjusted adults who must always look to others for approval. They never have a chance to develop their own internal resources.

In fifth grade or thereabouts, students at many Waldorf schools must knit a pair of socks. They figure out a pattern by inspecting a model sock that the teacher provides. Then, they work to produce a wearable pair. There are many reasons given for this assignment but the one I want to highlight here is that knitting a pair of socks (not an easy task!) means figuring things out, managing frustration, and surmounting challenges. It's no coincidence that the students here must not only make one sock but then -- having just managed to get through that -- they have to go back and repeat the struggle over to complete the second. The main point is not learning to knit per se, but the sense of accomplishment that comes with it. If students learn that they can make their own socks (grow their own food, build their own computers, etc.), they also have learned that there isn't much that they cannot do. In learning of this kind, students self-produce self-esteem.

This evening, my son and I plan to wash all the window screens. I won't say "good job," if I can help it -- but I will say "thank you" when we are done. Making socks? That comes later.

Elisa (EJ) Sobo is a professor of anthropology at San Diego State University. She is on the editorial boards of Anthropology & Medicine and Medical Anthropology and she is the Book Reviews Editor for Medical Anthropology Quarterly. She has served as an elected member of the Society for Medical Anthropology's executive board and is presently co-chair of the American Anthropological Association's Committee on Public Policy.

Dr. Sobo has written numerous peer-reviewed journal articles as well having authored, co-authored, and co-edited twelve books on various topics. Her latest books are Dynamics of Human Biocultural Diversity: A Unified Approach (forthcoming), The Cultural Context of Health, Illness, and Medicine (2010), and Culture and Meaning in Health Services Research (2009).

Dr. Sobo's current projects include a study exploring cultural models of child development as applied in classroom teaching, particularly in the Waldorf or Steiner education system. Findings from that study inspired this essay.

 
 
 

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Written by Elisa (EJ) Sobo I saw my first back-to-school ad last night, and thought "already?" But in truth I think about school all the time: I'm a medical anthropologist studying Waldorf education.
Written by Elisa (EJ) Sobo I saw my first back-to-school ad last night, and thought "already?" But in truth I think about school all the time: I'm a medical anthropologist studying Waldorf education.
 
 
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05:32 PM on 09/11/2012
I had my second baby a few months ago and as I was laboring the attending nurse kept smiling in an artificial way and say "Good Job!" This being my second child I had prior experience and something to fuel comparison. I was NOT doing a good job. I was having a baby and in that sense I did accomplish my goal but I did so in an out-of-control hysteria that resembled nothing less than a good job. I did a good job the first time thank you very much and felt somehow insulted by her hallow encouragement. I knew it didn't mean anything. I often hear "good job" and feel condescended to. Tell me the truth. I can take it. We don't all win all the time.
05:35 PM on 08/11/2012
Saying "Good job" has become a social ritual that has lost any real meaning and can, at times, actually reduce self-esteem. When a student, for example, believes they did very little and believes that their work is below their own ability, then praise from others will often be dismissed and the student may wind up feeling not understood.

It's much less important how good a job the teacher thinks the student did, and much more important to the student to develop his or her own yardsticks for assessing their work. A teacher ought to be asking students much more frequently, "How do you think this turned out?" "What's your assessment of this project?" "How might you do this differently, better, etc next time?" or "What have you learned about yourself from doing this project/activity?"

The idea is to help students develop their own internal gauge and ability to self-review or self-assess. Constantly saying "good job" removes the student's opportunity to engage in self-reflection and creates a situation where the student will seek out external praise as more important.
02:36 PM on 08/10/2012
These are some good points worth considering, although frankly I think that people have difference styles, and that parents can feel good about themselves in their interactions with their children whether they tend to say good job, thank you, or have some other non-verbal, perhaps more subtle way of conveying their approval. Further, parenting is a complicated task. We parents have matured and stay relatively the same once we reach the point that we are raising children, whereas children are changing in large amounts year to year. They may not respond the same next year to what you did that worked so well this year. Good parents are usually very good at some stage of a child's development and not so good at another. But in the end, all parents are critically important to their children and I daresay, their most important teachers.

Where parenting can go awry is not from following your natural inclinations as from being sent off center with yourself, and this is exactly what happens to parents of children who are homework trapped. The schools have so much authority to dictate what must be done, that parents lose their right to employ their judgment in deciding what to do when a child has trouble with his homework. That sheer lose of authority costs the child much more that any value that could be accrued by getting the particular assignment done. www.thehomeworktrap.com.
02:40 PM on 08/09/2012
I think this why it's so important for kids to help out around the house doing chores. Chores builds self esteem. Now I need to learn to say Thank You instead of Good Job. A small but important distinction. Thanks for a great article!
11:33 AM on 08/09/2012
So the message the second grade teacher sent was that the bright kid who spoke out was "ruining things for his neighbor."

That's awesome. What 7-year-old wouldn't be motivated to behave better after having his teacher tell everybody in class he was "ruining things for his neighbor?"

As the parent of a learning disabled kid who often blurted his thoughts out in class, I can tell you that the teachers who best corralled that tendency were NOT the ones who played the "thank you to everyone else" card. A gentle "let's wait until I'm done to answer" reminder was sufficient.

Kids who have learning challenges, whether it's with attention or getting work done as fast as everyone else, shouldn't be made examples of in class. Kids who have teachers who publicly chastise them tend to shut down. Nope, no false sense of entitlement and self-esteem with these kids. In fact, you wont' even know they're there after awhile...
03:15 AM on 08/09/2012
I was a Waldorf teacher, and my mentor during my first year of teaching actually pointed out that I needed to praise the students more. Ever since, I feel I can say, giving praise is a strong point in my teaching.

During my teacher training, we were told to be positive. So for example, instead of saying "Don't run." you say, "Walk." You say what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do. It's unfortunate the above referenced teacher decided to say what she did. It's a bit weird and too much but the REALLY unfortunate thing is Waldorf is continuing to be misunderstood.

I'm not a fan but I'm not an enemy either. That said, being observed, as a teacher, can be nerve racking; you're being judged. I'm sure the students are being praised for their work...at least now :P
11:03 PM on 08/08/2012
There were studies that showed juvenile delinquents had low self-esteem. There was a fad of trying to save at-risk children by raising their self-esteem with effusive phony praise. It became part of our culture. Subsequent research showed that the low self-esteem was a result of being delinquents, not the cause. Self-esteem comes from real accomplishments. Excessive praise breeds an attitude of entitlement.
11:40 AM on 08/09/2012
The issue isn't telling a kid he did a good job. It becomes a problem if you're telling kids this with everything they do. Excessive praise, as you say, can become meaningless and when used for jobs that aren't well done, can create a false sense of accomplishment.

But if a child draws a great picture that really shows off his talent and creativity, tell him he did a great job. If a child does something that doesn't show any effort, then save your praise.

I do like the concept of thanking a child for his or her efforts in school or at home. But an occasional "good job" for a job well done isn't going to turn anyone into a needy or entitled adult.

Sometimes it's nice to get more than a "thank you." Saying thanks for your efforts is something you could say to someone who did really well or to someone who did poorly. It's like a robotic response. There's no harm in a boss, teacher, parent or anyone else praising a job well done.
02:31 PM on 08/08/2012
I think the biggest naysayer in this article is completely missing the point - showing true appreciation for someone else's efforts means a lot more than a meaningless, "good job." I don't tell my co-workers, "good job!" I tell them, "thank you for all your effort! I really enjoy working with you." As for my own Waldorf kid, I probably say "good job" sometimes, but letting him know I appreciate him with my actions and with meaningful words goes a lot farther, at least in my estimation.

As for the teacher thanking her students for not calling out, I have heard my child's teacher use a similar approach with her class and I can say that when she uses it, it is with a gentle smile and a soft tone - definitely not said in a sarcastic or demeaning way at all. I would assume the same for this particular teacher.

I agree with the others - great article!
07:03 PM on 08/08/2012
If "good job" is meaningless when you say it to someone, that may be a personal problem. Some people actually mean "good job" when they say it, and don't toss compliments around carelessly so they become meaningless. Thank you for relating your experience, but it doesn't match the experiences of hundreds of other parents who have encountered this in Waldorf. Many claim teachers use humiliation regularly in Waldorf environments - and Steiner himself was no stranger to humiliating children, so that's possibly where they get it... it is, after all, part of teacher training. Read the critical reviews of parents, students and teachers here: http://thewaldorfreview.blogspot.com/
10:39 AM on 08/08/2012
I agree that teachers should encourage self-esteem. Good rapport is always encouraging whether young or old. Some students however tend to be locked up in their own world, often not knowing what direction they are heading.

It is often difficult to determine what a teenager wants, so with this in mind the, “good job,” approach is a definite form of stimulating a student’s desire to contribute and effectively become more confident.

In my own case school was a drag. One reason I felt this way was because there was no comprehension of whom or what I wanted. In fact I was completely unaware myself, so a good pat on the back may have had a real benefit because I clearly remember my father on occasion used this technique and made me feel significant.

My website www.StudentsRatings.com was developed justly to help students improve self-esteem, and learn how to have an attitude of a winner regardless of the level of empathy their teacher provides.

On a final note it isn’t the teachers obligation to make students feel good about themselves; it’s up to individual students to decide what they want. Therefore, if anything a teacher should be more concerned about directing students to appreciate what the purpose of school is in the first place, and how it can influence their future career.
09:24 AM on 08/08/2012
I'd be interested to hear if the author is going to apply this method to her work environment. Don't praise co-workers when they've done a good job... just thank them and move on. Before long, you'll have two groups - people with low self-esteem working for you while you reinforce their worthlessness, and people with high self-esteem leaving for better working conditions. Coincidentally, this is what we see in Waldorf schools... the kids who "fit in" stay, and the ones who don't leave. Of all the terrible ideas Waldorf has come up with, this is possibly the most subtle and for that reason the most harmful to children. Oh, and THANK YOU for the article.
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Michael Morrison
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03:28 AM on 08/08/2012
We have forgotten the word Self in self esteem. Self esteem comes only when one has earned it for himself.
05:56 PM on 08/07/2012
"Thank you to all of you who are not calling out. You are maybe thinking something in your head but you are not calling out to ruin things for your neighbor. That is very polite."

What isn't so polite is the subtle humiliation of the child who was using their imagination instead of sitting there like a lump - afraid to speak out. The child was excited in discovery and the teacher shut her down. This is what Waldorf does with imagination.
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mlaiuppa
Pres. Sarcasm Society. Like we need your approval.
03:55 PM on 08/07/2012
At age 57 I taught myself how to make a pair of socks. I'm on my second pair now.

I find I like making socks.

I taught myself because I had teachers that taught me how to teach myself. They taught me how to read directions, analyze them, how to assess how things were going and to go back if it didn't seem to be turning out correctly. They taught me to find another way if the directions didn't seem to be correct. I'm not a slave to this is the one and only way, be it socks or life.

That's what teachers do.

Now we all need to step back, politicians, deformers, amateurs, and let teachers do the job they trained to do. They're the professionals. Let them do their jobs.
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03:40 PM on 08/07/2012
Students, at least mine, are dismissive and derisive of transparent efforts to foster their self esteem. They do, however, like pretty much everyone else on the planet for time eternal, take pride in learning to do something difficult well, and in a difficult task done with finesse. This is where they become confident. Head down, shoulder against the boulder and up the hill you go.
The kids are all right...the adults are nuts.
I liked this article a lot.
02:34 PM on 08/07/2012
"This evening, my son and I plan to wash all the window screens. I won't say "good job," if I can help it -- but I will say "thank you" when we are done."

This article also reveals a lot about Waldorf for parents who don't feel as compelled as you are to try this with their kids.