When I First Knew Benazir

When I first knew Benazir Bhutto, it was not as the larger than life 'Antigone' tragic figure she became but rather as a fellow undergraduate at Harvard College. Benazir, known by family and then friends as 'Pinky' because of her pink complexion, lived in a connecting dorm to mine at the Radcliffe Quad. We also connected through mutual friends and mutual struggles to assert ourselves as women students, outnumbered at that time four to one in a male-centric, collegiate Ivy League world. I remember Benazir as playful, smart, friendly, and even then, fiercely loyal to her father Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, Prime Minister and President of Pakistan at the time. During a Government lecture class given by a famous professor, the subject of Pakistan and Bangladesh came up. Benazir stood up in the sea of students and boldly, emotionally challenged the professor, defending her father's role in the Bangladesh post-cyclone chaos.

When we graduated, Benazir was like a high-end version of many of us. She went home, inviting friends to visit her at the 'palace' where her family lived. As I went on to a post-graduate Harvard Traveling Fellowship and began making documentaries for public television, she went on to graduate school and debating at Oxford. As my mother got lung cancer and died within four months, Benazir's father was ousted in a military coup by his General, then brutally executed (of course, what execution isn't brutal?). Benazir was placed under house arrest for years. Both of our lives, families, emotional safety nets, and beginning careers were turned upside down by suddenly losing a beloved parent at a young age; however, Benazir's tragedy played out in a hugely dramatic, life-threatening manner. In the following years, Benazir's brothers were assassinated and Benazir was exiled. That is...until she made her amazing homecoming trip to her homeland, with throngs of people greeting her.

At that point, Benazir and I intersected again. I was moved by her story, by her passionate need to fulfill what she saw as her destiny, to make her father's dream of a democratic Pakistan happen. She had gone from being in the 'lucky club' (you know, born well, someone who seems to have it all and skate through school, life) to feeling the responsibility of fulfilling a very dangerous, difficult mission. She began to remind me of Antigone, a tragic/heroic character in one of my favorite plays. Antigone was drawn into her father's fate; she had no choice, she felt, but to play it out and become a victim herself. As Benazir headed back to Pakistan, I was writing for movies and television. (Benazir and I had both reacted to our parent's death by going into our insane family businesses, in her case Pakistani politics, in mine the Hollywood film industry.) I mentioned how moved I was by Benazir's powerful situation to a wonderful, issue-oriented producer with whom I was working who had lost her own famous father, an award-winning movie director. She had read of Benazir's situation, and was also interested in pursuing the daughter/father story of Benazir and Benazir's assassinated father. I sent a letter to Benazir's address in Lahore, unsure given the security, censorship, and chaos there that she'd ever receive it. A few months later, I got a crumpled letter from overseas back in the mail. It was smart, nice, and to the point. Benazir was at least interested in discussing the possibility of a film, but was very focused on it being about her father. Shortly thereafter, Benazir was elected Prime Minister, I became a new mother, the film executive moved on, and the project moved to the 'back burner' as we said at that time.

But I remained fascinated and amazed by Benazir's journey and resilience. She overcame personal grief and banishment to become the first woman to become democratically elected to lead a modern Muslim country. After her two regimes as Prime Minister of Pakistan ended in controversy, Benazir spoke to a mutual friend about us going to Pakistan to help her write a screenplay about her father. She shared career and family ups and downs while shopping at a K-mart type store for toys for her children, followed by her bodyguards. Benazir was dealing with the same issues that many of her women friends from Harvard were dealing with...except on a way larger scale, balancing on a high-wire without much of a net: multi-tasking; juggling being a mom, a wife, and having a career; following her parents' path vs. carving out her own professional identity; defending vulnerable loved ones against outside critical scrutiny and attack; and trying to contribute to her community and world (in a big way) while simultaneously worrying about where her children would be going to college.

It is so sad, and yes, tragic, that these children are now mourning the death of their courageous, self-sacrificing mother, just as Benazir Bhutto did her beloved father.

Comments

[BizDean]

Amy, a post about the tragic death of a major political figure and a good woman should be about her, not about you. This is not the right occasion to enlighten us about your favorite play or your stay at the palace. Are you saying you cared enough about her to put the movie project on the back burner? (I can't figure that one out.)
Avoiding self-aggrandizement is part of the art of eulogy. Bhutto's career was indeed on a "way larger scale," and the comparison with your other classmates' careers just doesn't hold up.

[Dunollieman]

Benazir Bhutto,s death was tragic & violent but let,s put it in perspective. First of all she was not the benevolent caring leader that the world press now portray her as,she & her husband looted Pakistan during her previous two administrations in that country and they were detested by a large section of the populace.Had it not been for the U.S. and Britain interfering in the internal politics of Pakistan she would still be living off her ill gotten gains in London and Bahrain. Let,s get real folks, Benazir was looking out for Benazir.

[Troubledgoodangel]

Amy Spies romantic story has no debt. What does she mean by "Benazir being born well"? People like Benazir only care about their clan and money. The fasade of "Goddess of Democracy" does not fit well to such "born well" people! Why doesn't Amy ask the poor people of Pakistan if the Bhutto family really cared for them? If Mrs. Bhutto became popular, it was thanks to her return to Pakistan where the hated dictator ruled! She was smart enough to challenge the dictator, and the people, given her good looks and them not having where to go, bought it! All I am saying is that true Democrat Mrs. Bhutto never was! And I am also saying that, while the choice of her son is under the circumstances the best choice, the young Bhutto is probably not a true Democrat either! Like the Prince Charles of England, Prince Harry, and the Queen, the young Bhutto would rather spend his life playing cricket on the poor people's money! Therefore, it is imperative that this boy travel to the U.S., and be coached how to be a Democrat ... and on how to be human! By the way, this latter is best learned at the Vatican.

[kellygrrrl]

Thank You, Amy, for sharing.
Condolences for your loss

[unfoxworthy]

Nice post Amy,

I believe that Benazir understood her fate and the importance of her being a beacon to the world for the principles and progressive thinking that she and her father espoused...values which would have instigated change in Pakistan.
People are starving for moderate benevolence (even here in the US). They're tired of being slaves to conservative fundamentalism.

I want to believe that with the extinguishing of Benazir's flame, her message and her vision will be amplified and be the spark that unites Pakistan's moderates.

What she gave all of us cost her a great deal....and was priceless.

[stellanoir]

Thank you so-o-o much for sharing.

Upon seeing her blessed son's grief stricken, solemn, challenged, and strong visage, I could only pray for his well being and life's purpose.

I didn't have the good fortune to meet her nor did I have more than cursory thoughts of her. I felt her returning to Pakistan in this time was not a good thing, even before the first tragic bombing.

Yet now, thanks to you and others, I have begun to comprehend the gravity, versatility, and intrepid nature of spirit she possessed.

I hope we can all transmit that very same spirit to her son and allow him to do the seemingly impossible, and neutralize this outrageously volatile situation of which his mom was all too aware. . .

and of which our limited and idiotic foreign policy hath wrought.

10 billion. . .for what?

There is more that we share than divides us.

Sooner or later we will all get that.

Sincerest Condolences.

Yet

[esl]

Thank you for this beautiful remembrance of your friend.