Ladies Who Launch: The Hookup on Breakups

The Ladies Who Launch series gives members of the Ladies Who Launch Incubator a platform for sharing their stories of giving back and doing good through their business'.

Who among us hasn't felt the wrenching, despondent ache of a break up? Between rewinding mental tapes of the good times and making best attempts to forget that final (devastating) conversation, even the most confident, self-actualized person looks down into the black hole of 'what now?' I love Lisa Steadman's take on the annals of endings. It's even better that she lives in Los Angeles, land of the "be positive," Secret-loving population who regularly use the word "manifestation" to describe something that happened to them. Read on to weep less and smile more.

Breakup or Breakdown?

Ladies, let's face it. We're fabulous! Between launching businesses, paying the bills, pursuing/maintaining/nurturing our romantic relationships, taking care of family and friends, loving our bodies and our minds (which we somehow manage to squeeze in between early morning wake-up calls and falling into bed exhausted at the end of yet another long day), we not only strive to have it all, but we do it all. And in stylish ensembles that often include uncomfortable but oh so fabulous shoes no less!

But nothing stops us in our well-heeled tracks faster than a breakup. The end of a romantic relationship, a friendship that falls apart, or a business partnership gone bad has the potential to derail us entirely. It can stall our career momentum, wreak havoc on our health, and generally make us question our sanity.

I've got news for you. Breakups, while painful, are also freeing and fabulous. Why? Because they free us up to be our most authentic selves. Because they allow us the opportunity to take stock of what went wrong and figure out how we want to do better next time.

Here's the most amazing truth about breakups. They give us permission to reinvent ourselves. As women, we do our best work when faced with challenges and adversity. Like the phoenix from the flame, after a breakup we too rise from the ashes of a life that no longer works for us and create a new life. A more satisfying life. One that we never could have envisioned or appreciated without having gone through the initial pain and anguish of the breakup.

It's during these difficult post-breakup periods that inspiration strikes. Business ideas materialize. New directions take shape. We decide to take a class or go back to school or travel or buy property. We somehow summon the courage to follow that still-trembling but strong voice inside that says, "This is the way to your authentic life and it's up to you to follow."

So you see it's not so much a breakdown as a breakUP. In breaking UP with that relationship, friendship, job, business partnership, etc. (even if you're the one getting dumped) the universe is giving you permission to move on. And while it's perfectly healthy to experience loss, disappointment, and pain following the breakup (go ahead and celebrate that slump!), it's equally important to allow yourself permission to let go and move on. There's more joy to be had, but it's up to you to find it. (And you deserve to find it!)

The next time you find yourself wavering over a difficult decision involving a relationship, job, or personal issue, remember this -- it's in these trying times that we come to know who we really are. Without the bumps in the road we wouldn't have the opportunity to get in touch with our own resilience. It's this resilience that allows us to not only survive life's hardships, including breakups, but to thrive. I don't know about you, but I think that's worth a little heartache now and again.

Lisa Steadman
Los Angeles
Libra Ink, brand/content development
LisaSteadman.com
The Breakup Chronicles blog

Comments

[spiritedgrl]

Lisa, love the way you put breakups into perspective. We can all use this reminder.

I really do think that nothing at all is wrong in the grand scheme of things... hard as it is to think of during any crisis, our lives really ARE perfect. And if we open ourselves to living from truth then the what you might think is the perfect mate is really the perfect you living, as you say, authentically.

Thank you for a great post.

[PurpleHaze]

Great insights!

Sometimes our most difficult moments give us opportunity for growth and the inspiration to live our best lives.

[eaglecapri]

I don't know where they originated, but I've never forgotten these few wisdoms:

Be grateful for the struggle, be thankful for the lesson, wash your spirit clean.

Endings are always sad, but new beginnings are full of intrigue, the unknown and excitement.

Nothing that was important in a person's life is ever over quickly.

[NedFlanders19]

Just curious,

Why wait for a break up to be your most authentic self? Why not be so all the time. It would make sense that life would be more full and that one would attract a potential mate who would really be in alignment with our authentic self.

To me it beats the old way of showing up partway, getting a partway life and having to go back to the drawing board.