Since we've launched the campaign for The Bully Chronicles last week, there have been at least five more suicides, including a 7-year-old Detroit boy who allegedly hanged himself. Bullying is suspected in each sad case. Even with bullying featured almost nightly in the news, on the big screen and as one of the most prominent topics facing school boards, these tragedies keep coming. There is a lot of talk but still, no tangible solutions. It is truly like this issue is too big to take on individually or within a community and it appears to be swallowing our youth whole, right before our very eyes.
Bullying is a multi-layered epidemic. It's like a disease that cultivates and feeds off of the bloodline of social acceptance and like-minded opinion, fueled by fear and pain so deep, it is subconscious. But where exactly does bullying originate? Hatred is nothing new. But a reality that we may need to start facing if we are going to solve this issue is that hatred is not innate. Plain and simply, it is learned. It manifests from a single or multiple source where a child is listening and watching. At home, a babysitter's house, preschool, TV, online, our public figures and leaders, and out in the world. Our children are little sponges, with no ability to filter for themselves what they should take in or throw out. Everything they see and hear has an impact and is teaching them how to relate to others in the world and more importantly, how to relate to themselves. And the mirror they are reflecting back to us reveals an ugly truth that can longer be denied; this epidemic is the result of our society's relentless intolerance and cruelty toward each other over a period of decades, coupled with technology that has desensitized humans from one another.
Can we honestly expect our children to be kind, tolerant and respectful of each other when so much around them communicates exactly the opposite? Even if they've been lucky enough to have parents who taught by example to be kind and to celebrate differences in others, the influences outside of the parents are overwhelming. Negativity breeds in every aspect of our American culture. Judgment and hate are too familiar in our everyday lives, with public figures and leaders using divisive, discriminatory statements to gain popularity and acceptance from like-minded masses. Have they ever stopped to think that each and every negative or discriminatory statement they make has a direct, traumatizing affect on the life of a child? Any time an adult uses unkind words, takes violent action or justifies discrimination in the name of freedom of speech or family values, they send a message loud and clear; that bullying is acceptable as long as it is justified by a belief system. And if a child falls outside the safe borders of those beliefs, it's open season.
As adults, we also must be conscious of our own biases. We often hear "oh, I was bullied, but it made me tougher" and "everyone gets bullied sometime, these kids are too soft". The world today is not the same one that most of us grew up in. Getting chased home from school, after you'd taken a variety of routes to dodge a beating, at least delivered you to your door step and the safety of your home. School may have been hell, but you had a reprieve. Now, the advent of the Internet and social media has left children prey to a 24-hour cycle of abuse that is far more insidious. Bullying is not just what you see; it is the message and threat that surrounds your child continually, until eventually, yes, they can be overwhelmed to the point of believing death is the only escape. What a sad, wicked commentary on what we've become; hunting children until they break.
A friend asked me a simple question that I feel sums all of this up beautifully, "What ever happened to good manners?" We need to begin a candid dialog about how we as adults need to get back to this simple, yet very powerful way of life, even with all of the stresses in our lives, to lead our children toward a kinder and gentler world. For our kids living this nightmare each and every day, it's truly become an-eat-or-be-eaten world. We can help them get back on track by being open about our own cruel habits and how we have failed them as a generation. This is the only way to begin the healing process. It begins with our lead...
Peace & Love,
Amy S. Weber
Follow Amy Weber on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@radishcreative
I disagree with your statement that "there is a lot of talk but still, no tangible solutions." Many are offering the solutions including the wealth of information put together by The Bullying Project. The real problem is too few are listening to the solutions. Ironically they are the very same solutions I have supported for the last five years. BTW they can succeed if the entire school culture works together instead of pointing fingers and trying only piece meal solutions.
One more I would like to share with all of you. An incredible Public Service Announcement from Australia called "Children See. Children Do."
Let's be conscious each and every day how we speak, act and behave. Children are always watching.
Peace,
Amy
www.thebullychronicles.com
Sadly, this is a very real example, although extreme and disturbing to most, of how our children follow our lead. Please share this with the simple loving message that we need to make a change toward love and peace in our hearts, starting today. Our children deserve better than this. Peace & Love, Amy www.thebullychronicles.com
In the 1980's and 1990's, the country was awash with reports of child sexual abuse. In retrospect, it appears that we harmed an awful lot of innocent people in our quest to protect children.
Bullying happens, and it ought not be tolerated; but we must also ensure that our current obsession with bullying not become another witch hunt.
If you beat a dog, over and over, no one would say the dog's reaction to humans by cowering in fear or running away is abnormal. So why is that even though the response we see most often in children that are bullied, one that if we were to look at it statistically, would fall within the norms, do we label it abnormal? It only further damages a person that has been beaten into believing this cannot get better. Our current model only further solidifies the fact that these kids are broken and don't fit in.
The person beating the dog would be the primary target for treatment. We wouldn't try to help the dog understand that it isn't at fault, that the person had "issues," and one day they (the dog) would grow up, have puppies, and live happily ever after. We certainly wouldn't hand over new dogs to this person. That is what we doing now. We pat the victim on the head, set up therapy, maybe some pills or a stint on the psych ward, and let the bully continue on.....
We still have our cliques. Maybe we are really frugal or super-healthy or have multi-cultural experiences to make us feel superior, but that is all it really is. We still cling to a group identity and project our superiority out for others to see.
We tell our kids how mature we are - that we don't "follow the crowd" anymore or care about what other people think. We are confident and independent thinkers. Someday, they will be just like us. For those that can see through the lies, this has to be terrifying.
We never stop being insensitive. We just get better at being mean...in a polite way.
A lot of children feel they are entitled and every parent behind that child encourages that. Manners are out the window. Example: Why is it that I know that before I go to a meeting, child's play, library, someotherplacethatrequiresit, to put my phone on vibrate? Why am I the only fool still following this unwritten rule of etiquette?
When a child fails 3 marking periods of school, why is it at the end of the year my wife is encouraged to provide extra work to help that student pass? And its because that entitled students mother called the school to try and find out what they can do to pass the class. No! F Start working when you are supposed to.
No one wants to make a phone call anymore. Everyone is texting and emailing. I see freinds and family ignoring a call from someone and then texting them back. What??? You can't talk to the person but a text message is more personable?
Are kids ARE softer but its because people have been led astray from typical etiquette, manners, and good behavior. And this lack of respect of one another in reinforced by the media, our government representative, and most of all, the poor excuse of modern television known as reality TV.
Some bullies even ended up asking forgiveness for their ways, they apologized to those they hurt in front of the whole group, and then were allowed in, on the condition they had changed.
In terms of education, technology is so advanced at this point the time alloted to educate youth to compete globally is not measuring up, in terms of education, the thinkers need to be allowed to study and learn without the interruption that this "game of thrones" school environment is fostering. In this respect it is no wonder U.S. schools are failing to produce.
More aggressive students veer towards law enforcement, sports, and sadly, working outside of the law in their own interests. It may help to identify these types at the school level and steer them towards more socially beneficial outcomes, but it is counterproductive to allow them to take over as they have, the student population needs to be protected from the the worst of them.
Apologies.