Viv turns 2 next month, and I'm already panicked by the thought that she will not always live under my roof. To help calm my fears, I've drafted a letter full of sound parental wisdom that I plan to give my daughter when it's time for her to leave the nest.
Dear Viv,
Tomorrow, you're headed off to college. Your Dad and I are so fucking proud of you. What, you didn't know mom dropped F-bombs? I've been saving them up until you left the house. Your poor Dad is going feel like he's living with Sam Kinison.
Since your high school years were not nearly as tortured and awkward as your mother's, perhaps you will not feel the need to go full Girls-Gone-Wild bananas in college like I did, but just in case, here are some helpful guidelines:
Do not drink the punch. It's flammable and toxic and boys have most definitely peed in there. If you must drink, stick with beer, which will hopefully fill you up before you can poison yourself.
Please don't do drugs. But if you're going to try drugs, do like mom always taught you at Whole Foods and buy organic.
When you go out at night, always use the buddy system. (Your buddy is a nice girl from your dorm. Preferably a Mormon.) When that cute lacrosse player wants to show you the roof of his fraternity house, ask yourself, is my buddy here? No? Then go find her and walk home together.
No naked photos. If some boy you like really needs a permanent record of your boobs, suggest that he draw you from life, Titanic-style. He supplies the diamond.
Make friends with girls. Guys can also be terrific friends, but until the When Harry Met Sally theory of gender relations is formally disproven, some of those friendships may be lost to unrequited feelings or bad kissing. Girls are for life.
Speaking of permanence, I hear tattoo removal is quite painful.
Don't automatically skip the opening band. The Beastie Boys once opened for Madonna.
If someone offers you a chance to march on Washington for a cause you believe in, go. This rarely happens after college, and never again does it come with a shiny bus and matching t-shirts.
Courses like philosophy, art history and literature will open your mind, unveil the beauty in the world and make you really good at crossword puzzles. That said, it wouldn't hurt to take an accounting class.
I know it's more convenient, but remember that texting will never be as satisfying as an in-person conversation. Would you rather have a pizza described to you or delivered to your door?
And one more thing I learned in college a few times over: A broken heart feels like the end of the world, but it's just the beginning -- as well as the foundation for all the best songs and poetry.
Viv, I hope you'll take some of this advice to heart, but whether you do or not, I'll still be there whenever you need me. Once upon a time, I knew a lot about great novelists and boys. I can still talk with some authority about boys. (Or should you fall in love with girls, I'm a quick study.)
I'm so excited for you. As it says in our story book, I love all that you will be, and everything you are.
Love you madly,
Mom
This post originally appeared on Carriage Before Marriage.
Follow Amy Wruble on Twitter: www.twitter.com/cb4m
Haven't sent two boys off to college, and relatively recently, it seems to me that I was fresh out of advice of any merit - and fresh out of capacity to do much but shed a tear and whisper to my powers that be to keep them safe, and using as much of the good judgment they had before puberty kicked in as possible...
I suspect I said something trite like "Be yourself and you'll be fine" - but I'm thinking I should've recommended a little accounting, too...
- Peer pressure is not an irresistible force.
- Do not pledge a sorority.
- Take a Friday morning class and one night class. You'll meet some "unconventional" students this way.
- Remember why you are there.
- Remember where you come from.
- Living with roommates or house mates or whatever will teach you to get along, compromise, and be responsible if you are willing.
- Keep up with current events; be engaged intellectually with the wider world.
- Have a part time job even if you don't have to.
- Realize just how young you really are, how much you don't know and that you can't rush the process of maturing. But, enjoy the trip.
When you put it out there, you will always get some crazy responses.
I doubt that going to college will be the default option for most kids (mine included) in 10 years ... what with online education opportunities and the need for more skills and experience in the workplace. The cost of 4 years of theoretical learning will be hard to justify IMHO.
We still do have power to avert some of it. If we stop obsessing about the non-essential. And if we educate our children.
Ms. Wruble's post was mostly advice to her daughter about dating and partying, what the author herself experienced in college. Nero fiddling while Rome burned. A little suggestion to read a few books and not much else. Mostly fluff.
Kudos to Ms. Wruble for acknowledging that her child might be gay. The tide is changing when it comes to gay rights. Yes to that. And the tide HAS to change when it comes to acknowledging that Climate Change is real, that the next 20 years is going to be unlike anything we humans have ever experienced. What are we going to do about it? Earth rights trumps all over rights. No inhabitable Earth, no us, gay or straight.