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We're All Paris Hilton Now

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The tragic suicide of Tyler Clementi, the 18-year-old Rutgers student who died after a fellow student allegedly live streamed video of Tyler having sex with another man, is, unfortunately, a side effect of growing up in the digital age. Tyler's generation came of age with the Internet and tools to document, record and broadcast their lives -- and the lives of their friends. This includes everything from benign photos of friends or banal status updates to compromising or inappropriate images and videos that have lead to expulsions, firings and now, suicides.

When sex tapes, photos or scandals happen to celebrities like Paris Hilton or Disney star Vanessa Hudgens or politicians like former New York State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, there are teams of publicists who manage the damage control and ensure that what begins as a scandal becomes a positive -- whether that means any publicity is good publicity or transforming the "victim" into a spokesperson on the issue or just helping them reinvent themselves. Of course most young people are not surrounded by professionals with a vested interest in helping them survive online scandals.

The feelings that surface for a young person when explicit photos or video is posted online or sexted can be dire -- it feels like the end of the world. And for a gay person who may not have come out to friends or family, the rush of emotions can be too much to handle, especially without immediate support.

Even with the push towards teaching digital ethics (of which I am a huge proponent), the reality is this can still happen to you. Someone can photograph or record you without your knowledge and post it online where it can spread like wildfire. The bigger question for parents, educators, counselors and young people themselves is how to manage through this type of crisis -- how to find perspective in midst of feelings of shock, embarrassment and hopelessness. How to seek out people you trust and have them remind you of your value no matter what happens as a result of being "outed" or having explicit or embarrassing images posted online.

One of our big themes at Inspire USA, the organization behind ReachOut.com is resilience and a belief that young people have the strength to overcome tough times. In addition to the important focus this tragedy has put on preventing GLBT bullying, I hope that it also shines a light on the importance of developing resilience in young people growing up "totally wired" in a world where what feels private can be easily made public -- ready or not.

If you or someone you know has survived (and thrived) after being bullied online or having photos or video "sexted," we would love to publish your story on ReachOut.com. Please go to ReachOut.com and upload your story of resilience today.

 
 
 
The tragic suicide of Tyler Clementi, the 18-year-old Rutgers student who died after a fellow student allegedly live streamed video of Tyler having sex with another man, is, unfortunately, a side effe...
The tragic suicide of Tyler Clementi, the 18-year-old Rutgers student who died after a fellow student allegedly live streamed video of Tyler having sex with another man, is, unfortunately, a side effe...
 
 
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Anastasia Goodstein
06:49 PM on 10/04/2010
Just wanted to add a footnote to this post -- we just posted a fact sheet over on ReachOut.com focused on "surviving an embarrassing event." Please send the link to any young person you know or to anyone who works with young people.

http://us.reachout.com/the_facts/friendships-peer-relationships/coping-with-peer-problems/surviving-an-embarrassing-event/s/17/f/8053
12:43 PM on 10/03/2010
Adults today also have access to this same technology, and yes, we know how to use it. But yet most of us choose not to record our friends and neighbors and broadcast those recordings to the world. Young people don't need a course on digital ethics. They need ethics! This issue really has nothing to do with technology. Technology is just one tool that can be used to express the fact that you are morally and ethically depraved. A gun is another tool. There is an illness in this culture and indulging young people when they make vapid claims about being digital natives is not going to help.
04:13 PM on 10/01/2010
I find the title of this article to be incredibly insensitive and completely trivializes what occurred. This is not just "a product of the digital age." We are talking about someone's life! What we should be talking about is the reality that there is an audience for this kind of situation and how if people were more accepting of LGBT individuals and were not so judgmental this would not have happened. This article is really missing the boat. How dare you mention Paris Hilton and reality tv shows in the same article as the tragedy of this man's death. Huffington Post should be ashamed of itself.
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Anastasia Goodstein
04:38 PM on 10/01/2010
Hi Mike. My point was not at all to trivialize this tragedy, it was to point out that young people today are so used to using these tools that they are not thinking through the consequences of recording and posting these types of videos and the impact that has on the people in them. Given that it can happen to you without your knowledge or permission, we need to equip young people with the resilience and coping skills to manage through this type of crisis vs. being overcome by hopelessness and potentially taking your life. I'm sorry the title detracted from what I wanted to be a message around helping young people navigate the pitfalls of growing up in these digital times.
04:55 PM on 10/01/2010
I completely disagree, what miss Goodsteing stated is very much a part of the issue here and spot on. You are correct that there needs to be more acceptance of LGBT individuals, especially the younger ones.

But Digital Ethics is something that should be taught and this issue crossed into other ares like teenagers posting sexual assaults and cyber bullying.

Your anger is misdirected.
03:25 PM on 10/01/2010
You're only P. H. if you want to be. Anyone can, and everyone
should, think before "exposing themselves to strangers".
Where's that lesson? Seems like you only want to further
drag people who've already been compromised and hurt,
into the spotlight.

The emperor has no clothes, but maybe you should throw
him a towel instead of a webcam.

Developing "pride" or "resilience" is a poor substitute for
developing common sense. And that goes for everybody,
not just the more-persecuted. There's evil enough to go
around, and it is online like everybody else.