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Andrea Bonior

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4 New-Parent Facebook Mistakes

Posted: 03/ 7/2012 11:27 am

Once you become a parent, your Facebook personality often grows a new life as well. Suddenly, you possess an unbeatable way to share pictures of your little one, an avenue to join the crusade against those unsafe sippy cups, and a virtual pub to consort with others who are up at the ungodly hours you're now intimately familiar with. And that's all fine and good. But certain common behaviors among new parents can spell trouble. Are you guilty of any?

1. Paging Dr. Facebook: It's one thing to ask if anyone in your friend circle has tried and true croup remedies, or to survey some opinions on which brand of diaper isn't prone to massive blowouts (are there any?) But it's quite another to treat your friend list like it's the American Academy of Pediatrics. (Unless, of course, your friend list actually is The American Academy of Pediatrics.) Let's repeat: Facebook does not wear a white lab coat. It's simple, really: if your baby has symptoms you're concerned about, refer to a physician, not a wall post.

2. Investing in Embarrassment: Yes, we all swore that we'd never be that parent: the one giving details of their child's every diaper, the one broadcasting every adorable-but-inappropriate thing their kiddo says. But on Facebook, these moms and dads are a dime a dozen--and worst of all, their kids don't have a say, or recourse. Before you post that picture proving how far little Aidan puked, or detail the embarrassing mistake your 4 year-old made with his underwear, think of those children ten years from now. And how it's generally easier if they don't hate you.

3. Forgetting Privacy Settings: The numbers are shocking: a huge amount of people refuse to take advantage of the privacy settings that can keep their coworkers, strangers, or -- let's face it, their strange coworkers -- from ogling all aspects of their Facebook lives. But when your kids are involved, there's no excuse not to. It's not just you anymore. And what's a more important part of parenthood than trying your best to keep your children safe?

4. All Baby, All the Time: You might feel connected to other parents in a way that you've never felt before, and you might even feel a new purpose in parenthood that seems to suit you better than anything in the world. And perhaps you even like looking at pictures of your child more than pictures of yourself (you still haven't figured out that bangs situation.) But holding on to your non-parent friends is important, too, for your own sanity. And if you don't ever post anything that makes people remember you're a person aside from your child, you're not doing much to keep that connection going. And isn't keeping connections going the whole purpose of Facebook?

Dr. Andrea Bonior is the author of The Friendship Fix. She is a licensed psychologist and long-time writer of the Baggage Check advice column for the Washington Post Express.

 

Follow Andrea Bonior on Twitter: www.twitter.com/drandreabonior

Once you become a parent, your Facebook personality often grows a new life as well. Suddenly, you possess an unbeatable way to share pictures of your little one, an avenue to join the crusade against ...
Once you become a parent, your Facebook personality often grows a new life as well. Suddenly, you possess an unbeatable way to share pictures of your little one, an avenue to join the crusade against ...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
irishkiss274
Let your dreaming be your guide...
07:54 PM on 03/10/2012
Love this article. I have plenty of friends on there that are both parents and non-parents (and most of us are mutual friends and actually know each other in real life); and one of the recently lost their little girl to SIDS. It's rubbing it in her face to keep seeing the FB baby poster fanatics and their constant updates. I feel bad for her. Especially since like, she sent out a message to all of us explaining what happened, and these other mothers just keep doing it. For shame. Have some respect. /end rant
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WWJJD
I don't give a damn about my bad reputation!
10:31 PM on 03/11/2012
What a horrible thing to go through. I doubt her FB friends and rubbing it in her face. Maybe she should take a FB break for awhile? I would def. curb my kid updates if a friend went through that/was going through that, but I really don't think most people are trying to hurt her in any way. She is lucky to have you as a friend, you sound very caring. Hope so much your friend and her family are doing better, that would be...I can't even imagine.
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irishkiss274
Let your dreaming be your guide...
01:00 AM on 03/12/2012
She's not one to us it often, but it's like every time she turns around there's another post. You sound like you know how to respect your friends, and that's difficult to find now a days; on FB and such. I'm doing my best for her, but there are just those people who don't care and post anyways.
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victorzeller
05:51 PM on 03/10/2012
Facebook. No one cares about your mundane life. No one cares what you had for lunch and who you are going to hang out with later, NO ONE. NO ONE CARES about your baby either. Use the phone and call your Mom or Mother in law for advice, Don't plaster it all over Facebook or Twitter.
05:02 PM on 03/10/2012
you know, i agree with not putting every detail of your childs life on fb and i do get tired of hearing about every diaper blow out, projectile vomiting experience and every screaming fit but i have to be honest..you get frustrated as a parent with these things or you think every little thing your kid does is cute. fb gives you a place to vent and share these things. if your friends dont like it they will either unfriend you or they can quit looking at your posts. what is the difference between this and having to read "i just had lunch." then 2 hours later. "i bought a soda". then 2 more hours later..."im having dinner!"? this just as annoying if you ask me.
08:11 PM on 03/10/2012
Jewelie, I have to agree with you. Sure, I have some friends/family members with young ones and I LOVE the cute pictures, funny updates, and occasional good-natured parental rant over something or other. However, I too get tired of certain people who give an hourly report, or less, of everything their child does. It can get a bit tiresome.

And yes, adults who do the same about there own lives can also be just as irritating. :)
08:48 PM on 03/10/2012
*Their*. Man, my spelling is horrible tonight. *Hides from the Grammar Police*
04:11 PM on 03/10/2012
You forgot "we'll be taking the baby to visit so-and-so" this weekend. Don't broadcast when you won't be home. It's an invitation to burglers!
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WWJJD
I don't give a damn about my bad reputation!
09:56 PM on 03/11/2012
THAT drives me crazy. I never post anything that I am going to do, maybe later, and most of the time not even then. I don't think most people give a cr@p if I went to a certain restaurant for dinner, or to my Parents for the weekend. I am already irritating enough with my kids photos!
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MarcEdward
likes all cats more than most people
09:48 AM on 03/09/2012
You forgot "Being on FB in the first place"
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JBT3618
Whatever floats your boat
06:54 PM on 03/10/2012
MarcEdward, I agree. I am not on there anymore and good ridance to it.
09:34 PM on 03/08/2012
4 things parents should not do on FB:

1) Join FB
2) Join FB
3) Spy on their kids
4) Join FB
08:10 PM on 03/10/2012
ha, we set up a facebook for my mother specifically because my sister was stationed in vegas at the time (we live in pa) and we wanted her to be able to see pictures and updates whenever she wants of my niece... and now that i'm pregnant and i have a 6-yr old stepdaughter, should i quit facebook because of my 'parent' status?
steves1709
Your bicro-mio is empty
09:59 PM on 03/10/2012
As long as your privacy settings are hugely strict and only allow trusted family to see your stuff, FB isn't too bad. Privacy is only as strong as the weakest password of you or your "friends".
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HTXScarface
Trololol
03:54 PM on 03/08/2012
I'm a parent and I post only one or two pics a month for the family on my FB. I have friends who posts pics every day, make their babies FB pages, and put their babies as their profile pic. It is kind of annoying, even for other parents.
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LivelyLexie
Don't panic.
04:38 PM on 03/10/2012
I don't understand why people make pictures of only their babies, either. Just because they're a parent doesn't mean they should lose their identity!
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WWJJD
I don't give a damn about my bad reputation!
09:29 PM on 03/11/2012
Wait...they make a FB page for their baby? That is strange. I don't think it is even appropriate for young children to be on FB. What do they do write status updates like they are the baby? "I slept for 5 hours, woke up, ate, had a diaper change and I am cranky again!" Just kidding, I am just blown away that someone would have a page for their BABY!
01:42 PM on 03/08/2012
I wish there was a "dislike" button for all the things I dislike about FB, including this article--which I think is pointless. People often do not realize that FB owns everything you give or say them. Why would I want FB to have my children's baby pictures? Most of what I see on FB is utterly senseless and a complete waste of valuable time.
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Jessica Ann Stallings
Alternative designer. Screw the norm.
01:00 PM on 03/08/2012
Some of this is common sense. Some of you commenters: I'm glad you aren't on my friends list, or my sister's. My sister finds out the sex of her baby tomorrow, and you can put money on how fast both of us will be posting that ultrasound on Facebook.
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marianproletarian
01:49 PM on 03/08/2012
Nothing at all wrong with posting what is the most exciting, interesting thing going on in your life at the moment. For some of us, that is our babies/kids. I have a "friend" that posts about everything her dog does, then complains about all the baby pictures posted. Go figure.
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Jessica Ann Stallings
Alternative designer. Screw the norm.
12:49 AM on 03/09/2012
I post pictures of my nieces, and I post pictures of my cats. Luckily, my friends don't feel the need to tell me that they don't like me posting those. I have friends and family members hidden who post too much about personal drama, are trying to start drama, and even for grammar so atrocious that reading anything they write gives me migraines. Facebook's newer settings make seeing what you don't want to see a thing of the past without having to delete people.
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victorzeller
05:52 PM on 03/10/2012
Get a life. NO ONE CARES. NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Jessica Ann Stallings
Alternative designer. Screw the norm.
08:06 PM on 03/10/2012
And yet you have you post so enthusiastically. Thank you for not being one of my friends--most of whom, may I add, were quite happy and ecstatic when I posted the latest sonogram of my nephew-in-the-making yesterday.
08:07 PM on 03/10/2012
You are mean. People do care. This is happy important news, if you don't want it, don't be her friend on facebook. It is that simple.
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LivelyLexie
Don't panic.
10:56 AM on 03/08/2012
I know someone whose child hit his head and threw up a few hours later. She felt the need to tell facebook about it and had no clue that he had a concussion. After about 50 people telling her to take him to the hospital, she figured it out. (For the record, she DOES love her kid - she isn't a bad mom).
Oh, and for the record, if you take pictures of your bare pregnant stomach, do you REALLY have to post it all over your wall? That's fine for yourself, but I don't want to see it!
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08:14 PM on 03/10/2012
You can change your settings on each individual to not see photo updates, that would solve that issue.
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LivelyLexie
Don't panic.
02:38 PM on 03/11/2012
I have no problem with her talking about her kids, it just scares/frustrates me that she turns to facebook for medical advice.
07:59 AM on 03/08/2012
If I may, I'd like to add:
- Posting photos of your pee stick, sonogram or scars
- Creating a Facebook profile for your baby (Oh if only I was making this up)
- Using a photo of just your baby as your profile pic
Thank you
www.HereSheIsBoys.com
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Jessica Ann Stallings
Alternative designer. Screw the norm.
12:54 PM on 03/08/2012
Some people post the sonograms for the benefit of those who care. Luckily, my sister lacks jerks on her friends list.
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LivelyLexie
Don't panic.
04:39 PM on 03/10/2012
I have to agree, I don't see anything wrong with posting a sonogram picture.
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08:15 PM on 03/10/2012
I love seeing sonograms. They are really cool.
09:11 PM on 03/10/2012
I'd like to add:

-Posting photos of your "pee stick?" If that's what I think it means..uh..yeah. Inappropriate. I don't wanna see that, either. Sonograms? No issue. Scars? Uh, I don't think my appendectomy deserves a photo shoot. That's just me, though. Scars don't faze me. Post if you like.

-Creating a Facebook profile for the baby: While I personally would not, people make FB profiles for their pets. *shrug* To each their own. My own cats are too private, they'd kill me in my sleep if I made FB profiles for them. Really. For serious. >.>

-Using a photo of the baby/child as a profile pic: What's wrong with that? Many of my friends have profile pics of their children.
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WWJJD
I don't give a damn about my bad reputation!
09:36 PM on 03/11/2012
I am laughing so hard about the FB for cats. You are so funny.
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kjacobsmeyer
I don't argue straw men.
01:41 AM on 03/08/2012
I don't have any new-parent friends who abuse Facebook with their brood. That said, I have more problems with my single friends whining and complaining about frivolous things or posting status updates that they're in line for coffee or are constipated. The other half is just as annoying. Everything in balance, that's what I believe, no matter whether you're a parent or not.
08:28 PM on 03/10/2012
Good comment. I do happen to have, in my circle of FB friends, a couple "oversharers" when it comes to their child/children. But to balance that out, there are also the single ones who post just as you said. In my case, it was one who decided to post, complete with a picture and description, of what they had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Agreed, just as annoying. I'm glad I muted that person before they went on to (possibly) the results of the digested meal. xD
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WWJJD
I don't give a damn about my bad reputation!
09:38 PM on 03/11/2012
I had to hide a "friend", she literally posted about the weather every day. Complains when it rains, when it is cloudy etc..then complains again when the sun comes out because of her allergies. She posts every pound she loses, every work out, every obnoxious thing....I would MUCH rather hear about someone's child OR pet.
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JohnQpublic81
I like Jesus, it's his fan club that scares me
09:36 PM on 03/07/2012
I remember a while back one of my friends yelled at me for warning her that some of the information she posted on mother's day might get used for nefarious purposes. To sum it up, it talked about being a proud mother of two children (she gave full names and birth dates as well).
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jozie
Is war about who's right or who's left?
09:25 PM on 03/07/2012
I would like to add - don't post pictures of other peoples kids on FB. So many parents take pictures of their kids in school that include the whole class and post them on FB, without the permission of the other parents. This is not only rude, it's unsafe, and in the case of some wards of the state (Foster Children), it's not legal.
barbara jay
my kid says hi
11:23 AM on 03/08/2012
I'm not the one on Facebook in my family; my daughter is, and we've had exactly this discussion. She took the class photo off her wall but other children have it on. I'm not really in a twist about that, but as for posting photos of other people (especially without getting their permission first), I want to get it through to her (wish me luck) that she doesn't have to do something just because the others do.
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Jessica Ann Stallings
Alternative designer. Screw the norm.
12:55 PM on 03/08/2012
Family and friends are an exception.
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Holly Smoke
Humor is the best defense for absurdity.
08:49 PM on 03/07/2012
The safest thing is not to deal with Facebook about your children at all.. There are profit seeking operation that will store all your stuff --everybody's information for prosperity :
AND DATA MINE the info to either sell you stuff or blackmail you if they want...