In what could prove to be the most embarrassing misstep in consumer electronics history, Apple Inc. announced today that it would recall its entire production run of the Apple iPhone 3G S after discovering that it had failed to include a "phone" feature in the much-hyped handheld device.
Speaking from Apple corporate headquarters, company spokesperson Carol Foyler offered consumers his apology for the monumental goof and seemed to be searching for an explanation for how it could have occurred.
"First and foremost, we're sorry," a red-faced Ms. Foyler said in a conference call with Wall Street analysts. "When you make a product called the iPhone, people expect it to include a phone, and we messed that part up."
Instead, she explained, Apple's engineers had crammed the iPhone with a plethora of what they called "non-phonal features," such as a food processor, a taser, and a tactical nuclear weapon.
While Ms. Foyler said that almost all of the nine million iPhones that had been shipped to stores were on their way back to Apple's manufacturing plant, she offered advice to consumers who somehow had already obtained the phoneless iPhone: "Just hold it up to your head and pretend to be talking into it."
Get tickets to see Andy Borowitz live in NY July 2 here.