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Calling Hillary a Monster "Offensive," Monsters Say
An Obama campaign aide's remarks in which she called Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) a "monster" have ignited a firestorm of controversy among monsters across the U.S., prominent monsters confirmed today.
Calling Hillary Clinton a monster is "odious and offensive to monsters everywhere," said Tracy Klujian, the executive director of the Monster Anti-Defamation League, a group that monitors unflattering portrayals of monsters and miscreants in the media.
"As monsters, we are subject to defamation and stereotyping on a daily basis," Mr. Klujian said. "But being lumped together with Hillary Clinton is really a low blow."
Mr. Klujian said that he was pleased that the Obama aide had resigned over the "monster" remark, but said that "more work will need to be done" if the Illinois senator is to mend fences with the monster community.
"We monsters count for as much as five percent of the vote in Pennsylvania," Mr. Klujian said. "And that number is even higher in Pittsburgh."
Perhaps in an effort to steer clear of the controversy, Sen. Clinton herself dodged the issue of whether or not Sen. Obama is a monster in an upcoming interview on 60 Minutes.
"He's not a monster as far as I know," she told Steve Kroft in an interview to air this Sunday. "I mean, I take him on the basis of what he says, and, you know, if he says he's not a monster, there isn't any reason to doubt that."
Elsewhere, Rep. Ron Paul said that he is dropping out of the G.O.P. race, but would continue to run for president of Earth II.
Read more coverage and reaction to Samantha Power's resignation
Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.
Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport
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I've been following this race faithfully... and for a while I was for Hillary until now! Please don't fall for her tricks, please don't give us another 2000 election! It's not worth it! The party will be ruined if Hillary gets what she wants out of Florida and Michigan. The party made it decision, if we must renege then please give half to Hillary and half to Barack from both states! The country has spoken... The majority has spoken... Are you listening? We can't be like Bush. We've finally got a chance and we're about to ruin it, all because one person wants to throw a temper-tantrum like a 2 year old. Who else has the support of cross-over republicans? Who else has a better chance with independent voters? Which candidate has been able to bring out the youth voters, when no one else could? Which candidate has the least amount of dirt that could be dug up by the republicans? Who is the one the republicans are most afraid of? Which has a better chance of beating McCain? All of these questions are very critical... These are questions that we must ask ourselves. We shouldn't be voting on race or gender, but on the issues... Hillary has yet to say anything that proves that she is more qualified for the job than anyone else... We shouldn't be voting for ourselves, but for the country as a whole!
I have nothing against Monsters. Some of my best friends are Monsters.
I just elect to adopt a different political standpoint from those adopted by Monsters, which is why I'm supporting Obama
Question: Has anyone seen Hillary's reflection in a mirror..or any kind of shiny object?? Can it be confirmed??
Brilliant! It's like the offense taken by the Geico Caveman.
HuffPost's Pick
On behalf of monsters everywhere, I'd like to thank you.
Hillary is not one of us. She does not speak for us or represent us. She's never attended any meetings or paid any dues.
In fact, should she apply, we'd black ball her. We don't need her giving us a bad name.
Brilliant!
As a Cleveland Browns fan I have to say this line in your post was THE BEST of them all:
"We monsters count for as much as five percent of the vote in Pennsylvania," Mr. Klujian said. "And that number is even higher in Pittsburgh."
HuffPost's Pick
As I said on another post this evening, I am going to go out and buy Ms. Powell's book this weekend. I suggest others do the same.
Well done sir.
When the Power goes out, you know The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street:
Alien #1: Understand the procedure now? Just stop a few of their machines, and radios, and telephones, and lawnmowers, throw them into darkness for a few hours and then, sit back and watch the pattern.
Alien #2: And this pattern is always the same?
Alien #1: With few variations. They pick the most dangerous enemy they can find. And it's themselves. All we need do is sit back and watch.
Alien #2: Then I take it that this place- This "Maple Street" is not unique?
Alien #1: By no means. The world is full of Maple Streets. And we'll go from one to the other and let them destroy themselves. One to the other...One to the other...One to the other...
- Tom
Think about the classic monsters--Frankenstein, Dracula, the Werewolf. At least with those guys, you knew exactly where they stand. No such honest self disclosure from Hillary Clinton!
It is just amazing that such a great brain and human being as MS Powers could be lost because she called sleaziest scum of the earth what she really is. Hillary and Bill bloody monsters that have killed, conned and lied without shame, to enrich themselves. Why is speaking the truth such a bad thing?
HuffPost's Pick
So true. . . so true. . . Thank you for the much needed laugh.
HuffPost's Pick
Thank you, Mr. Borowitz! I needed a laugh after reading through all these very sad and grim posts today.
Samantha Power has dedicated her life to fighting genocide
She is on the side of right - exactly the type of person you wish would be in government
She was an unpaid advisor to the campaign and took a leave of absence from teaching at Harvard
She is 38 years old, has already won a pulitzer prize and was in Europe promoting her brilliant new book on the UN diplomat who was killed in Bagdad a few years ago
--
Now why would we think we deserve someone like that in out government when we could have say --
Howard Wolfson? Mark Penn? Terry McAuliffe? and so many others
--
brought to you by the nation who re-electing George W Bush in 2004
hope dims--
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