In an unprecedented bid to garner support before the crucial Texas and Ohio primaries, Democratic presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama today both unveiled universal dental plans.
With both candidates in agreement on a broad range of issues, the two rivals appear to be hoping that late-deciding voters will support the candidate who offers the best dental.
Speaking to 400 supporters in a high school cafeteria in Cleveland, Ohio today, Sen. Clinton made an emotional appeal to voters, saying that she has been "working to keep Americans' teeth healthy and shiny" for the past 35 years.
"When I was campaigning in Cincinnati yesterday, I met a mother of two who had a horrible overbite," she said. "I told her, I will be ready to get braces on those choppers on Day One."
Sen. Clinton was harshly critical of Sen. Obama's dental plan, which she said "would leave 15 million people without bridgework or root canals."
For his part, Sen. Obama blasted Sen. Clinton's proposal at a stadium in Beaumont, Texas, where he spoke to a capacity crowd of over 90,000 people.
"Sen. Clinton's plan only offers five dollars for every tooth extracted," he said. "The tooth fairy gives you more than that."
But in a possible preview of the fall general election campaign, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz) blasted both Democratic rivals in a speech at an El Paso retirement home: "My friends, neither of their plans says anything about dentures."
Elsewhere, President Bush expressed support for Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf, telling reporters, "Just because somebody didn't get the most votes doesn't mean he shouldn't be president."
Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.
Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport
I read the title.
I read the article.
I started to make a snarky comment but decided to check who had written it.
Then I got a double laugh, half of it on me.
Thanks, I needed that.
Seriously, though - dental should be a part of any universal health care plan. If your teeth and gums aren't in good shape, you won't be able to chew properly, and your nutrition will suffer.
One free proctology exam paid for by those making over 100,000 dollars a year. Taxpayers will get a picture of the *** they are paying for.
A free chest xray for republicans to verify they have a heart. [I am republican.]
Cut the costs of prostate exams by licensing guys in prison named Bubba to conduct them as part of their service to the community.
Eliminate all torture of any kind and everywhere. Of course, this will end the career of Barry Manilow.
Require all american flags to be fireproof. It will drive the students at Berekley insane!!
Two birds dead with one stone, since this will also end visits to the dentist.