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Clinton Says Being Married to Hillary 'Has Never Influenced My Behavior'

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Addressing questions about his objectivity as a campaigner for his wife, Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY), former President Bill Clinton said today that being married to Sen. Clinton "has never influenced my behavior in the least little bit."

During an interview on PBS' The Charlie Rose Show, the former president said that those who accuse him of favoritism towards his wife "have got it all wrong, because, you know, Charlie, I've pretty much lived my entire life as if I wasn't married to her at all."

Mr. Clinton added that in order to demonstrate his objectivity about Sen. Clinton's qualifications, he would remove his wedding ring and keep it off for the duration of the campaign.

"As far as I'm concerned, from this day on I'm single," the former president said.

During the free-wheeling one-hour chat, aides to Mr. Clinton gathered in the studio control room and frantically attempted to induce the engineers to cut short the interview, with one aide trying to pull a cable out of its socket in the hopes that it would plunge the studio into darkness.

But their efforts were in vain as the former president continued his unbridled monologue, at one point touching on the similarities between a president and a prostitute.

"Being a president is a lot like being a thousand-dollar-a-night call girl, Charlie," he said. "Experience matters."

Elsewhere, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee apologized for "unfortunate" remarks he made about Mormonism, telling a reporter, "If they want to drink the blood of human babies, that's their business."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He hosts an all-new edition of "Next Week's News" starring Amy Sedaris. John Oliver (The Daily Show) and Christian Finnegan (VH1's Best Week Ever) at Comix on Thursday January 17 at 8 PM. Comix is located at 353 West 14th Street, just east of Ninth Avenue. For tickets, call 212-524-2500 or go to comixny.com. For a $5 discount, use the promotional code ANDY.