Clinton Says Being Married to Hillary 'Has Never Influenced My Behavior'

Addressing questions about his objectivity as a campaigner for his wife, Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY), former President Bill Clinton said today that being married to Sen. Clinton "has never influenced my behavior in the least little bit."

During an interview on PBS' The Charlie Rose Show, the former president said that those who accuse him of favoritism towards his wife "have got it all wrong, because, you know, Charlie, I've pretty much lived my entire life as if I wasn't married to her at all."

Mr. Clinton added that in order to demonstrate his objectivity about Sen. Clinton's qualifications, he would remove his wedding ring and keep it off for the duration of the campaign.

"As far as I'm concerned, from this day on I'm single," the former president said.

During the free-wheeling one-hour chat, aides to Mr. Clinton gathered in the studio control room and frantically attempted to induce the engineers to cut short the interview, with one aide trying to pull a cable out of its socket in the hopes that it would plunge the studio into darkness.

But their efforts were in vain as the former president continued his unbridled monologue, at one point touching on the similarities between a president and a prostitute.

"Being a president is a lot like being a thousand-dollar-a-night call girl, Charlie," he said. "Experience matters."

Elsewhere, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee apologized for "unfortunate" remarks he made about Mormonism, telling a reporter, "If they want to drink the blood of human babies, that's their business."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He hosts an all-new edition of "Next Week's News" starring Amy Sedaris. John Oliver (The Daily Show) and Christian Finnegan (VH1's Best Week Ever) at Comix on Thursday January 17 at 8 PM. Comix is located at 353 West 14th Street, just east of Ninth Avenue. For tickets, call 212-524-2500 or go to comixny.com. For a $5 discount, use the promotional code ANDY.

Comments

[gangwayjan]

I liked the presidency of Bill Clinton. It was good for its time; someone has got to tell the guy that it is over. He's had joy, he's had fun; he's had season in the sun. . . well you guys get it. It's time for Barack or John or somebody. But, after that Charlie Rose thing, certianly not Hillary. Because it is clear that it's never going to be Hillary, even if we elect her, is it? It will be Bill, all Bill, all the time, no?

The begging and desperation is kind of pathetic. The "dual" presidency won't work; America has neither the time nor the luxury for the dynamic duo to work out their marital power struggles at a national level in some sort of soap opera during the next four years. We barely survived the first go 'round.

[JFaye]

Perhaps the interview with Charlie Rose came at a time when Bill Clinton actually inhaled?
You think?

[frostbite]

Andy, tyour title made me LOL.

Beace

[LiberalLo]

Andy, love your work. But, judging from some of these comments, I really think you must identify that it is satire or a snark under the headline. Unbelievable what some people will accept as gospel truth.

[FOXYLADY]

WOW, I GUESS MANY OF THESE POSTERS DON'T REALIZE THAT MANY PRESIDENT HAD THEIR WOMEN ON THE SIDE....FRANKLYN D. ROOSEVELT HAD A LADY FRIEND FOR YEARS AND TOOK HER TO THE STICKS (HACKETTSTOWN, NJIN ON HIS PRIVATE RAILROAD CAR. AND WHAT ABOUT JOHN F. KENNEDY?? HE HAD "LADIES" DELIVERED TO THE OVAL OFFICE AND EVEN HAD "SEXUAL RELATIONS" WITH A GANSTERS MOLL...COME ON PEOPLE. INTELLIGENT AND STRONG MEN HAVE HUGE LIBEDOS....NOT SO DOPEY BUSH

[FOXYLADY]

THIS OLD PERSON REALLY ENJOYS SATIRE AND SARCASM SO MUCH!! BUT, IT TAKES INTELLIGENCE TO KNOW WHAT IS SATIRE/SARCASM AND THE REAL THING..........

[PresidentLindsay]

Andy, judging by the number of commenters here who took your satire as fact, I dare say Hillary's office will probably be calling you shortly to print a retraction and apology. Or maybe it'll be Bill's lawyers. Good satire, alas, is often wasted on the dense.

[FOXYLADY]

AT FIRST I THOUGHT I MIGHT BE AN ACTUAL INTERVIEW....BUT AFTER READING WHAT "BILL" WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE SAID I KNEW IT WASN'T POSSIBLE. EVEN IF BILL CLINTON THOUGHT IT, HE IS TOO INTELLIGENT TO SAY IT OUR LOUD..BUT... LET'S COMPARE CLINTON AND BUSH...IF SOMEONE WROTE THAT BUSH SAID IT, THAT I'D BELIEVER AS HE IS LACKING MUCH UPSTAIRS!!

[AMD7283]

Wow,I am amazed at all the folks who do not realize that the interview did not happen, it is a comedy/ satire routine. They seem to want to believe it is real.

[LordKelvin]

It seems that the comments here are stimulated by Pavolian conditioning by the raison'etre of the Huffington blog.

Here is a comedian letting off as usual and we see immediate stimulation to such an extent that so many start a mental frothing competition to see who is the NUMBER ONE EGOTIST.

COGITO, ERGO SUM.

[clifwest]

So be it, I was wrong, I thought it impossible for former President Clinton to make any futher statements which might embarrass his wife, or all married women, for that matter, but it would appear that he has absolutely no one to rein him in. If this is a ploy to convince the American people to vote for Hillary out of sympathy, it might work. Many members of my Party will support him regardless of what he says or does and, conversely, vote for Hillary accordingly. That is their choice and right. Personally, I have too much pride and dignity to even indicate to anyone, including our children, that my wife and I have differences. Having been married for forty-four years, neither of us has even thought to break our vows. The thought is as bad as the deed. We are unknown entities and seem to have more pride than our better known, no famous, national leaders. Go figure.

[Kajur]

We know, good call girls aren't so chip.
Specially in Lincoln's bedroom.
Maybe under the desk.....

[starcycle]

wow, I can't believe people don't get that this is a satire. I guess when you're predisposed to hating someone, you'll believe anything you read.

[Garytoo]

I hope anyone who so gullible as to buy into Mr Borowitz's sly satire will *not* vote in the upcoming presidential election.

And refrain from dining on Irish babies ...

[gardenbookie]

Good joke, Andy. But, hey, it COULD happen.