BOSTON (The Borowitz Report) - Republican Scott Brown's stunning victory in Massachusetts' special Senate election kicked off a celebration tonight among a constituency that had been pulling for it: America's coffin manufacturers.
Across the country, coffin makers - or "boxers" as they call themselves - reacted to the Brown victory with a level of jubilation one usually associates with a Super Bowl win.
"I've been a coffin maker for twenty years, and this Brown thing is the best news we've had in a long, long time," said Tracy Klugian, a self-described boxer from Kenosha, Wisconsin. "This almost makes up for the swine flu turning out to be such a dud." More here.